meggem

Still on the 9th step. I felt a little less aggravated because I know it will tie in at some point and make sense, so I was open honest and willing. I did speak. I figured, I'm here, I may as well. I was honest. Told them I was not grateful to be here, I was not interested in amends, and I went on a bit. It felt good to talk, even if I was losing my train of thought, I knew they didn't care. I knew they were listening to every word I said, and that felt good. I knew they weren't judging me, and that felt good. Then the lady next to me rubbed my back a little. I thought - I have arrived. I got the strange person affection.

BUT after that, everyone who shared after me, was basically talking to me so that was nice. It was like they knew I needed to hear something, that it was ok to feel how I felt. I liked it.

I left feeling only that I knew I needed to be there. I guess I felt better - better isn't the right word. I only know sure, no matter how irritated I felt "having" to be there - I know it is where I need to be. That I am 100% sure of. More will be revealed.

dandylion

meggem, I don't think it is abnormal not to "want" to join alanon. I think it is normal to want relief from suffering, though.

Nobody grows up saying to themselves: "I hope that I will marry--and that my fondest dreams will vanish as I discover that my husband is addicted; and, that I will become so frightened and angry that I don't even recognize myself---AND that I can join a special organization designed for those suffering people--WoW, I just can't wait!!!!!!"

Given that. It is a blessing to have a respite from the storm--and the comfort and warmth of loving and understanding souls.

Just the way I have of looking at it.......

dandylion

jessicajoe

Meggem Meggem Meggem
I've been waiting for your post.
Yay for the strange people ! Who, by the way,actually don't seem so strange to me anymore. That strange kind of "better" is exactly what I was trying to describe after my first meeting. For me the "better" that AlAnon offers just keeps getting better. (I read that sentence three times I "think" it makes sense)
Meggem ermmmm "Keep going back ?"

meggem

I know. I am really stuck being angry and resentful to be in this place. I guess I have a superiority complex in a way. I also think, I am 38 years old and now after all these years I am in ALANON? How did this happen?? I know nobody wakes up and wants to be addicted and I didn't grow up wanting to need alanon and I know I do. But I just stuck in a place of "not me" "why me" Nobody in my realm would expect this. I guess I kept up a good front, right? everything is also fine with me. fine fine fine. Well it wasn't and it isn't and I'm having a tough time getting out of my own way here.

MissFixit

hi

al anon was suggested to me in 2006. i thought i didn't need it, i wasn't the problem. i went to one meeting in 2007 because my ex's behavior was changing for the worse. it didn't like the meeting. everyone was 40 years older than i was. i dragged myself to a meeting in 2008 that i desperately needed when nothing else i did had worked to help me. i cried during my share and everyone just understood me. i liked that group and attended that meeting for a year until i moved away. i almost always felt better after going. it was like a pressure release when this huge secret could be talked about with people who understood. none of my other friends or family got it.

hopeful4

O Meggem....No one ever wants to join the Alanon party. However...I know just what you mean. When I go to Celebrate Recovery I feel better every single time when I leave. I think it is just being in the presence of people who care so much and who genuinely understand.

It's a great feeling. So glad you are doing this for you!