Snood

I just returned from the 4th AA/Al-Anon conference in this area. I found it enlightening and reinforcing but sad in places.

This morning, my FA wife went strange on me. Monosyllabic most of the the time, she stayed in the bathroom until five minutes after the time i said I had to leave.

"Are you going to the gym?" Said I. "No."

"Would you like a lift into town?" "No.........(mumbled) thank you."

So off I went, to meet some alcoholics and see a couple of the friends from my Al-Anon group. Tea, chat and talks...good stuff.

Wifey remained incommunicado all day long. She'd been to town to pick up some dresses she'd had altered. Otherwise, I've no idea - she probably went to see her demanding daughter.

Back home, one bottle gone. Overall, it's a bottle (wine) per day, with every other day 'off'.

I reheated dinner for myself - she had a banana (against hidden calories of booze). Then, she bedded down at 9pm - I'm downstairs in the kitchen now.

A non AA/Al-Anon web forum raised a question. Is addiction am illness, the result of someone's bad decisions or something entirely different. The vote favoured the middle option.

I just wonder if my wife, who's a choleric drunk, frequently becomes choleric anyway? I know that if asked to do/find/get something, I respond well to a pleasant demeanour and a bit of thanks. Dark threats and sarcasm? Nope.

Just idle thoughts.

Hammer

Hey Snood, good to see you.

The AA/Alanon conference sounds interesting. Glad you had the chance to go.

Been doing some YouTube updates to the Borderline Thread down in the Mental Health section, you may be interested. >>>

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4308828

Sounds like Mrs. Snood is still on her Self-Medication Treatment Plan.

Mrs. Hammer may be slipping/relapsing on her Eating stuff -- hopefully that will scare her to get real with it.

Meanwhile ALL we can do is be the Best Mr. Snood, and Best Mr. Hammer we can be.

And THAT is enough.

FeelingGreat

Hi Snood, Good to hear from you again and that you're still getting involved in Alanon. I've been a bit restricted on posting lately, so excuse me if you've covered this, but have you told the AW that you are attending Alanon?
I also wonder if Alanon has influenced the way you are reacting to AW?

Snood

Grateful thanks, Hammer. BPD is a bit of a curiosity in my experience. I was struggling with agoraphobia and severe anxiety and had years of treatment. But once these problems were seen as the presentation of BPD, things began to make sense. I'm as good as I can expect to be now and it bothers me only rarely.

Yes, FeelingGreat, I did tell her I'm attending Al-Anon. I was being encouraged to do this by people on here, and by my alcohol/drug advisor. I also told her that my counsellor was with the drug/alcohol service, and wasn't trying to change my behaviour as equip me to deal with my wife's.

I've been awaiting the explosion ever since but it hasn't shown yet. I think it's taken her aback but there are limits to what I can accept. I feel I have some backup, support and understanding now. It really is about, 'No man is an island' (John Donne, 1624).

And yes, there is an influence on the way I deal with wifey now. Experience has shown that her threats are generally empty. So when they arrive, I either ignore them or refuse to rise to the bait. If it's bad, I tend to head off in the general direction of away! For example, it's 4.37am and I'm still downstairs, typing.

I had a bit of schadenfreude from one of her drunken rants. I take care of the finances, so she went through the online bank statements, trying to find transactions where I'd taken money from the wrong account. Grinning inwardly, I let her, secure in the knowledge that I'm not so naive as to leave tracks

As ever, we'll see, but thanks for your thoughts.