jhow999

I will be 3 weeks sober Saturday. Without going into detail, nights are the hardest time for me. Because of my drinking I live alone and don't have others to comfort me during times of what I call the mental relapse cycle. I even went to the liquor store tonight only to pour my ten shooters down the sink. I feel like I have failed even though I didn't drink. How do I avoid mentally giving in even though I don't take the drink? I feel like I am going to do the same thing tomorrow night. I won't be loaded but mentally destroyed as I am now. Are there ways to avoid the mental relapse? I feel like it is as bad if not worse than actually taking the drink.

Dee74

Welcome jhow

Nighttime is hard for a lot of us, I think. I know it was for me.

The good thing is that places like SR are open 24/7 - there's always someone around to talk to.

There are also the meeting based recovery groups like AA and others of that ilk where you can always go for face to face support, or perhaps even get the phone numbers of other alcoholics to call when you feel vulnerable.

I'd also recommend changing your nightly routines around - mix things up - find things to do, think about your hobbies and interests - keep mentally and or physically active....don't sit there clockwatching

And it does get easier...it's not a lifelong struggle like this
D

NorCal1970

You just need to find something else to do at the time. What kind of hobbies or interests do you have. Find something you like and can be productive at around that time. Just a thought.

jhow999

Thank you for the welcome. I have been reading thread after thread and the anxiety has most certainly gone down. Tonight was the first night I came so close to drinking and I felt like I failed. I guess I need to give myself more credit for not drinking. Looking forward to reading this thread at night. The food network is getting a little old :-)

Dee74

Just my opinion, but I think the measure of success shouldn't be in thinking the thoughts, cos thoughts are most often involuntary....

I prefer to see the measure be in how we react to those thoughts Jhow

I think you've done well tonight to pull yourself out of a nosedive

D

jhow999

I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 12 so my thoughts tend to manifest in real life behavior and actions. If I don't close the door 3x's such and such would happen. I felt that tonight. I was flipping my phone on my bed and if the screen landed up j would drink. I think I did it 10 times. I finally ran to the sink and poured one after the other out. It was just scary and I don't want it to happen again. I guess I can't let my OCD and alcoholism intertwine because the feed off each other. I need to realize my thoughts are just that thoughts and I can't let them bring me down.

tippy79

You should be proud that you made the right decision not to drink tonight! Don't get down on yourself. You put yourself in a vulnerable position, and made a decision that you know was right, and you learned from it.

LadyinBC

Yes, you do need to give yourself more credit. We focus way to much on the negative and not enough on the positive especially in the beginning. What you are feeling is really not uncommon. Especially at the beginning of the journey. I was very negative in the beginning.

Quitting is not easy and sometimes when we are negative we are setting ourselves up for failure.

You did not fail, you poured it out. That is something I don't think i ever could have done when I was first trying to quit. So big kudos for you for being able to do that.

Our addictive voice likes to tell us we are failures so that we will nourish the beast so to speak. You have to put up a fight to keep that voice from winning.

You can do this, it isn't easy, but you can do it and the more successes you have at not giving in the stronger you will get. It does get easier as time goes on. Just take it one day at a time.

And congrats on 3 weeks that is awesome!