How do I, the older sister of a recently-discovered Heroin-Addicted brother, help con
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: brooklyn
Posts: 3
How do I, the older sister of a recently-discovered Heroin-Addicted brother, help con
I feel totally lost here. This is just way more utterly complicated then I could ever have imagined. I've been away in the middle east for the last year and have moved back in the recent months. When I was home for a visit around January, my brother, we'll call him Leo(24), cryingly confessed to me that he'd been doing heroin on a very drunken night. "How much?" "A lot." "How much is a lot?" "A lot. Dont worry about it." "Well does anyone know?" "No. Nobody knows. Not even Sandy. (his -then girlfriend) No one knows I care about."
I hate this part, but I didn't do anything about it. I come from a circle of friends where recreational drug use is normal, coke at parties, molly here and there, and at the time just assumed that it was him being young and stupid.
Now I know Heroin is a whole other animal. I'm home now so I see him all the time. He can't stay awake for more then five minutes. He can barely talk. He is not the baby brother and best friend I've known my whole life.
I spoke to my older brother about it, and together we confronted Leo last night. He looked me in the eye and said, "I am not a heroin addict." He agreed to do a **** test which came up positive for opiates (heroin). When he saw this he claimed it could be a false positive from the antidepressants he's been on, but after calling First Check (the pee test co) they said the particular drug he's taking would not give a false positive for opiates.
I feel totally unequipped to deal with this. If anyone can point me to any information, or just give me general advice, I will take anything. Thank you for your time.
I hate this part, but I didn't do anything about it. I come from a circle of friends where recreational drug use is normal, coke at parties, molly here and there, and at the time just assumed that it was him being young and stupid.
Now I know Heroin is a whole other animal. I'm home now so I see him all the time. He can't stay awake for more then five minutes. He can barely talk. He is not the baby brother and best friend I've known my whole life.
I spoke to my older brother about it, and together we confronted Leo last night. He looked me in the eye and said, "I am not a heroin addict." He agreed to do a **** test which came up positive for opiates (heroin). When he saw this he claimed it could be a false positive from the antidepressants he's been on, but after calling First Check (the pee test co) they said the particular drug he's taking would not give a false positive for opiates.
I feel totally unequipped to deal with this. If anyone can point me to any information, or just give me general advice, I will take anything. Thank you for your time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hey and welcome to the SR family! We will be here and support you 24/7. I, myself am dealing with 2 addicted daughters, 19 & 22, heroin too. One is in recovery, the other is doing Methadone. Anyway, your bro must want to be sober, can't be forced. YOU can't cure or fix this, he has to hit rock bottom and perhaps be willing to accept treatment. The one theme with addiction I have learned is an addict will lie, lie and lie some more, steal from everyone (your $, jewelry and meds you may have) and their ability to manipulate people is unbelievable! You have to have a plan. Does he have a Dr he trusts? There's so much. Read the stickies at the top of the threads, tons of info. I'm in the same nightmare you are. But, there IS hope! Others with more experience will be coming along to give you more support. I'm sending you hugs and prayers, we will help you, teach you and mostly importantly support you. Read my threads. Read a lot of posts from others. You are not alone. Breathe. TF
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry you are going through this. While my AH does not abuse heroin I have read lots about it. As the above posts says, they seem to lie and deny...over and over. And will rob you blind, so be careful!
You cannot make him get help. He has to want that for himself and if he is in that deep denial it won't happen. What you can do is reach out for you. Go to Celebrate Recovery or Naranon or some type of support group so you do not feel so alone.
SR is a wonderful place but you definitely need face to face support. I also encourage you to form boundaries w/your brother as you will have to remember:
1. You did not cause this
2. YOU CANNOT CONTROL THIS
3. You cannot cure this
You cannot control his actions, only how you react to them. I wish you much luck and send you many prayers for you and your entire family.
You cannot make him get help. He has to want that for himself and if he is in that deep denial it won't happen. What you can do is reach out for you. Go to Celebrate Recovery or Naranon or some type of support group so you do not feel so alone.
SR is a wonderful place but you definitely need face to face support. I also encourage you to form boundaries w/your brother as you will have to remember:
1. You did not cause this
2. YOU CANNOT CONTROL THIS
3. You cannot cure this
You cannot control his actions, only how you react to them. I wish you much luck and send you many prayers for you and your entire family.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I guess I better clear something up that I said, just because I think a person should detatch with love, I think this is a great thing. Sometimes families pulling together can get someone to see where they are, and I certainly hope that is what happens for you guys.
I will say prayers for all of you.
I will say prayers for all of you.
Originally Posted by quackhome 
We're having a family meeting with him on Sunday. It will be me, my older brother, my mom, my dad, and him. I hope it goes ok....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by quackhome
We're having a family meeting with him on Sunday. It will be me, my older brother, my mom, my dad, and him. I hope it goes ok....
Your parents will probably have the hardest time. Parents tend to take pride in their children's achievements and blame for their children's problems. Infants require 24/7 care and parents often struggle to let go at every step along the road to maturity. We just don't adapt to their growth as fast as they are growing.
They need to understand that supporting your brother does not mean letting him take advantage of them or doing for him what he can do for himself. If we do for others that which they are capable of, we can send a message that we believe they are not capable. At 24, he is an adult and responsible for pulling his own weight.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am sorry to read about your brother.
Just an FYI that I have learned. Many heroin addicts are at most risk after detox or from a relapse because they go back to using the same amount and then overdose. Please seek professional advice regarding your situation if you intend on doing an intervention. As family members, we are not educated or knowledgable enough to take on addiction by ourselves.
ETA: You just witnessed how clever an addict can be. He had you and your brother second guessing the drug test results. He will say and/or do anything to protect his addiction. Be prepared to hear lots of manipulation, deflection, lies, blame etc.
Just an FYI that I have learned. Many heroin addicts are at most risk after detox or from a relapse because they go back to using the same amount and then overdose. Please seek professional advice regarding your situation if you intend on doing an intervention. As family members, we are not educated or knowledgable enough to take on addiction by ourselves.
ETA: You just witnessed how clever an addict can be. He had you and your brother second guessing the drug test results. He will say and/or do anything to protect his addiction. Be prepared to hear lots of manipulation, deflection, lies, blame etc.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: brooklyn
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Stucco
I think this is a good step. How it goes will give you insight into your next steps. If he admits to a problem and seeks help, then you are home free. If he continues to deny a problem and not all of you are in agreement about what happens next, you may need to detach.
Your parents will probably have the hardest time. Parents tend to take pride in their children's achievements and blame for their children's problems. Infants require 24/7 care and parents often struggle to let go at every step along the road to maturity. We just don't adapt to their growth as fast as they are growing.
They need to understand that supporting your brother does not mean letting him take advantage of them or doing for him what he can do for himself. If we do for others that which they are capable of, we can send a message that we believe they are not capable. At 24, he is an adult and responsible for pulling his own weight.
Your parents will probably have the hardest time. Parents tend to take pride in their children's achievements and blame for their children's problems. Infants require 24/7 care and parents often struggle to let go at every step along the road to maturity. We just don't adapt to their growth as fast as they are growing.
They need to understand that supporting your brother does not mean letting him take advantage of them or doing for him what he can do for himself. If we do for others that which they are capable of, we can send a message that we believe they are not capable. At 24, he is an adult and responsible for pulling his own weight.
Yeah... hes an accomplished man too. He holds down his dream job (he works in the news)... I'm scared it's going to make things worse for him when we confront him (tomorrow morning now!!!) and if he decides he needs a live-in rehab program... if he loses his job.. thats like his everything.
you guys are all awesome... thank you so much for the support.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 427
Originally Posted by quackhome
Yeah... hes an accomplished man too. He holds down his dream job (he works in the news)... I'm scared it's going to make things worse for him when we confront him (tomorrow morning now!!!) and if he decides he needs a live-in rehab program... if he loses his job.. thats like his everything.
you guys are all awesome... thank you so much for the support.
you guys are all awesome... thank you so much for the support.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
