7 days sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
7 days sober
Sorry this is getting long. TYIA
I come from a long line of lifelong drinkers. My alcoholic mother was also a crack addict. She used every drug under the sun. She later kicked the drugs but is now just an even heavier alcoholic than before. I was raised by her father who was a lifelong continuous alcoholic. He was emotionally abusive and later suffered from dementia. He died early this summer. I was relieved. My mother is spinning out of control. But that is another story.
I am young at 28 and I have come to the conclusion that I can't just be a "social" drinker. Alcohol was so much a part of my upbringing that I had my first drink at age 11. I drank privately as a teen, often to escape the constant abuse my very drunk Grandfather. I stole his liquor (and I started on hard liquor. The wine came later). He didn't even notice.
When I escaped that environment at age 19, I was already "partying" heavily. I thought I was just a normal young person who was out and having a good time. Occasionally I would make bad decisions while drunk or suffer from a tremendous hangover.
I held down a job, have a great relationship and a new baby. My SO doesn't even really believe that I am an alcoholic. He still drinks but not nearly as much as I did. I'm a 4-6 drinks 2-4 times a week drinker. Vodka, wine, whiskey, bourbon, beer - anything really. I was a bar manager, have plans to open a restaurant of my own in the distant future and then I justified my drinking as "part of the job".
I have no control over alcohol. My SO doesn't understand. He supports my decision to quit, but he isn't really sold on my having a "problem". I think he would have to admit that his drinking is excessive also. He sometimes has blackouts and vomits. He just doesn't understand that I am just in the stage of my alcoholism where I am the "fun" drunk. I hold liquor well, like to laugh and make people laugh. The truth is, I drink a lot privately.
My grandfather died a horrific death with a combination of starvation, alcoholic dementia, extremely high BAC and a fall on an already fragile body which resulted in a broken hip. After six weeks of agony, he died.
I haven't been able to enjoy a drink since. A week ago I decided to put the bottle down forever. I want to catch this while I am young and before the beast gets a good hold of me. This may mean having limited contact with my FOO. Most of them are still active alcoholics.
I can't deny what alcohol will do anymore. I lasted less than six months since the day he died before I decided to throw in the towel for good. It is not worth it. I know I have to die someday, but I can choose not to die like that. I want to break the cycle for good. I want my son to grow up with a stable and healthy mother.
I know I will have to relearn so many things. Everything I do is tied to alcohol because of the way I was raised.
I come from a long line of lifelong drinkers. My alcoholic mother was also a crack addict. She used every drug under the sun. She later kicked the drugs but is now just an even heavier alcoholic than before. I was raised by her father who was a lifelong continuous alcoholic. He was emotionally abusive and later suffered from dementia. He died early this summer. I was relieved. My mother is spinning out of control. But that is another story.
I am young at 28 and I have come to the conclusion that I can't just be a "social" drinker. Alcohol was so much a part of my upbringing that I had my first drink at age 11. I drank privately as a teen, often to escape the constant abuse my very drunk Grandfather. I stole his liquor (and I started on hard liquor. The wine came later). He didn't even notice.
When I escaped that environment at age 19, I was already "partying" heavily. I thought I was just a normal young person who was out and having a good time. Occasionally I would make bad decisions while drunk or suffer from a tremendous hangover.
I held down a job, have a great relationship and a new baby. My SO doesn't even really believe that I am an alcoholic. He still drinks but not nearly as much as I did. I'm a 4-6 drinks 2-4 times a week drinker. Vodka, wine, whiskey, bourbon, beer - anything really. I was a bar manager, have plans to open a restaurant of my own in the distant future and then I justified my drinking as "part of the job".
I have no control over alcohol. My SO doesn't understand. He supports my decision to quit, but he isn't really sold on my having a "problem". I think he would have to admit that his drinking is excessive also. He sometimes has blackouts and vomits. He just doesn't understand that I am just in the stage of my alcoholism where I am the "fun" drunk. I hold liquor well, like to laugh and make people laugh. The truth is, I drink a lot privately.
My grandfather died a horrific death with a combination of starvation, alcoholic dementia, extremely high BAC and a fall on an already fragile body which resulted in a broken hip. After six weeks of agony, he died.
I haven't been able to enjoy a drink since. A week ago I decided to put the bottle down forever. I want to catch this while I am young and before the beast gets a good hold of me. This may mean having limited contact with my FOO. Most of them are still active alcoholics.
I can't deny what alcohol will do anymore. I lasted less than six months since the day he died before I decided to throw in the towel for good. It is not worth it. I know I have to die someday, but I can choose not to die like that. I want to break the cycle for good. I want my son to grow up with a stable and healthy mother.
I know I will have to relearn so many things. Everything I do is tied to alcohol because of the way I was raised.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome to SR. You found a great place for friendship, understanding, & support. We all get what you are going through.
I'm sorry for all you've dealt with. Be proud of yourself for seeing the truth about your drinking and wanting a better life. You will break the cycle DoPerdition - and we will help.
I'm sorry for all you've dealt with. Be proud of yourself for seeing the truth about your drinking and wanting a better life. You will break the cycle DoPerdition - and we will help.
from me too
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