Mikie9

I feel kinda stupid for asking this, but Hi!

I don't know how or where to meet people who don't drink. It seems everyone drinks at least some. I know I can't.

Add on to that the fact that I have drank alone every night for 10+ years, and I don't feel confident to meet new people to begin with.

I am on my 4th night not drinking, and I think this is the problem I got stuck on last time that made me say screw it, might as well drink and I don't want to do that again.

any thoughts would be appreciated. I can meet new people who drink because we have something in common. But usually it is someone who drinks like I do, and that isn't what I am wanting if that makes any sense.

Nonsensical

AA
Church
Lifering
take a class
volunteer at the animal shelter
join a running/hiking/biking club
gym
soup kitchen
aerobics

what do you like to do?

Mikie9

I like to drink

Taking a class sounds like an idea, gym I already do and I already ride a bike but it's winter and dark now.

I guess my question should have been, how do I meet and relate to people who haven't lived like this. I feel like a leper around normal people.

TomSawyer

This is a tough conundrum I am dealing with myself. I have pretty much secluded myself from old drinking buddies, and at the moment I have virtually no social life outside of AA meetings. I am thinking about joining a hiking club, but so far I have yet to muster up the courage to actually go out and do it.

I try to remember that changing your life doesn't happen overnight. One day at a time.

GillianChicago

Browse the groups on Meetup.com in your area. You may be surprised the activities people get together for with other people they don't even know.

Mikie9

It is my struggle, the life change. Not as much for me which is hard enough, but how do I relate to people who haven't drank like I have? I can be alone drunk, but not drunk I want to meet people. But when I talk to someone new I feel like I am 10 years behind.

Silly I know... just trying to talk thru it I guess.

Mikie9

I don't think I am explaining this properly, I am sorry.

I can go meet people, plenty of opportunities, but I don't have an answer to "what do you like to do?" and the like. "I have liked getting drunk and daydreaming about what I am going to do, I am going thru a major life change right now that leaves me lost and confused, you?"

sigh... yeah this is where I get hung up. I don't know that I have the social skills to move along to another life. I know it takes some time tho, so I am just sharing and talking to try and work it out in my mind.

GillianChicago

Ok, maybe I don't understand... but I just did a search on meetup.com and typed in "sober" and hundreds of groups across the country popped up. Good luck.

Mikie9

So did I... this is what I got.
"Hmm, there aren't any sober Meetups near you yet
Take the lead and start one or select what new types of Meetups you want to know about…"

It isn't finding a way to be around people I have a problem with, it is how to relate to them I guess. Sorry if I am being confusing, this is the first time I have ever chatted about this

doggonecarl

You're four days sober. Meeting sober people will become easier when you attain some level of sobriety. Learn to be a sober person, you are bound to meet some.

bigsombrero

We're out there, in great numbers.

You will find us hiking, biking, and jogging. You will find us at cafes early in the morning when the sun comes up, or in the late afternoon. You will find us eating lunch at restaurants on the patio. You will find us in bookstores. You will find us in photography clubs, taking pictures on rainy days in the city. You will find us at work. You will find us gardening, or in cooking classes. You will find us at ballgames on a Saturday night. You will find us traveling in foreign countries, walking in the early morning exploring ancient ruins. You will find us in the ocean, soaking up the sun.

You will not find us at after-hours parties. You will not find us at bars. You will not find us on the dance floor at a wedding past 10pm. You will not find us at a post-game rally on the streets after dark. You will not find us at a bikini contest.

That's just the truth of it.

And a lot of those places I mentioned will still seem "nerdy" to you. Those things might not sound like fun. That is the alcohol talking, man. Many of us who have recovered from this terrible disease have been forced - like it or not - into maturing our tastes earlier than we'd thought. And when we've finally shaken that beast, we realize that we've only just caught up to the rest of the world.

This is your 4th night man. You'll have plenty of time to ponder this as you move forward. The bottom line is that we're not all just at AA - we're everywhere. You just have to open your eyes, and stop missing the forest for the trees.

Mikie9

Thank you. I guess I lied about this for so long I don't know how to not be hiding from people. This really helped and I will just keep on hanging on until it isn't so weird to be. I will put this worry on the shelve for now, it just really worried me because this is the mindset that always got me back to drinking(I am alone anyways, might as well have a buzz)

Thank you all for chatting with me about this, mentally/socially I am more damaged than I am physically from the drinking.

Silvy69

I am in the same boat, so post here and meet people
I am in my 4th month sober, don't associate much with the people I use to drink with, actually not at all. I go to AA meetings but most of the people that attend are already in relationships and don't go out much with single people. So I find myself in the house a lot, I don't want to go to a book store or the movies alone. I am use to company and I haven't had much around me lately, which it is ok.
You need to learn to be sober first and recover from so many years of drinking and then you will start meeting people slowly, nothing happens overnight.. You disease didn't develop overnight either.. so take it easy and concentrate on your recovery for a while.. I am at the point where I need to socialize but my first 3 months was attending meetings and taking care of me .. it was all bout mememe. Take care.

bigsombrero

It takes time, buddy. Your mind is damaged, your habits are damaging, and your sense of what's okay-vs-not-okay is completely out of whack. The only thing you can do now is start building sober days, brick by brick. The progress is slow, and it doesn't look too good at first, but you have to keep remembering that every day sober - even a bad day - is way, way better than picking up the drink.

Silvy69

didn't find much in NJ at meetup.com. .. hah

Mikie9

sigh..... thank you folks. I knew there wasn't really an answer to my initial question other than to just hang on.

bigsombrero, I feel more like each sober day is like taking down a brick wall, brick at a time, and with each brick I see more of life than I know what to do with.

I want this wall down tho and thank you all for chatting with me as I come to grips and go thru the transition. I look forward to coming here tomorrow night and posting about my 5th night sober, which hasn't happened since I started drinking.

Silvy69

When I reached my 5th night without a drink I was amazed I had done it.. When I reached my 7th day wow.. One week.. then it was ODAAT.. Sometimes one minute at the time.. I haven't gone this long without a drink in over 4 years.. I am so grateful to my higher power.. and AA.. It isn't easy but as they all say and I truly believe a "bad" day sober is a lot better than one drunk.. I will take one more night Good Luck and keep it up .. you will like sobriety.. I know I do.

NoJimmy

I'm still in the phase of AA meetings being my primary social outlet. It's not exciting or glamorous, but it's working and it's safe. For me right now is about introspection, growth and personal development. To some degree my social situation is developing as I become a regular at meetings and church. But again I feel the next several months are all about getting my life under control for a change.

ZeldaFan

I can relate to what you are saying. I'm 2.5 months in and still in the phase where I know I need to focus on myself. The more sober time you get, the more you start feeling like you are supposed to be meeting people and be social. I think we get this mindset because we think that's normal and just being at AA and staying at home is weird. It's not for someone in recovery. The more time we spend getting to know ourselves and getting back on track to a life without alcohol the better equipped we will be when we do start meeting people. Right now for me my biggest social outlet is work and I have some great friends there who I can talk to about my recovery and who are very supportive. That helps feed my social needs for now.

You are only on day four so don't worry too much about it right now. Give yourself time and you will start to naturally feel comfortable meeting new people who share your same interests.