Dawnerzw

*sigh* I'm not even sure where to begin. My last relationship was turbulent and my ex will be getting out of prison after 3 years away for DUI #4. And he was abusive.

Two years after the ex was gone, I met a wonderful man. He is funny, supportive, affectionate. We started off friends which eventually grew into more than that. I noticed he did drink at home at night. It didn't seem excessive, he was never abusive in any way shape or form. I am not a drinker. We've been together for 5 months now. Last week he made the decision to start AA meetings. (He was sober before for about a year. This was some years before I met him. I didn't know this until recently). I've been as supportive as possible, encouraging him. He attends one meeting nightly, and on days he is off work he will attend one during the day as well. He does have a friend who has been sober for over a year who attends. I feel as though he wont let me be there for him. I have told him anytime he is ready to talk I'm here. I can't lie, I miss him. We used to spend a few nights together during the week but between work schedules and his meetings its few and far between. We still talk daily. I just feel alone and frustrated at times. I want to be there for him more but i understand right now he is focused on sobriety and his AA group. I'm scared that I'm going to become an outsider to him and our relationship will cease. I love him dearly and hate seeing him suffer. I just dont know how to handle my own emotions with this whole process or how to keep being supportive and not be selfish and allow him the space he needs. I did approach him and ask him if he wanted me to step out of the picture for a while. He said no, and explained that its not that he wants to intentionally ignore me or make me feel left out. And I get it. I do. But I'm having difficulty dealing with the entire process and I do not want to burden him with my emotional roller coaster as he is going through one of his own. gaaahh!

Anna

You might check out AlAnon in your area as a support for you.

It sounds like your boyfriend is doing what he needs to do.

We also have a forum for Friends & Families on this board which might be helpful.

wiscsober

^^^^^Yes^^^^^

Alanon

SR and Alanon are integral parts of my recovery

Dawnerzw

I have been reading through the family support section :-) There aren't many Al Anon meetings around me. But there is one close to me next week which I plan on attending.

wiscsober

I'd also recommend calling up the alanon hotline and talk with someone before the meeting. Someone might be able to meet up with you before or at the meeting. Just a suggestion.

Littledetails

Hi,

I'm new to this site but I saw your post and had to respond. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and everything was going great. Well we just moved in together and I realized his drinking a lot more..he couldnt come home without stopping at the liquor store EVERY NIGHT. Then one night he hit his "rock bottom". I was in class and when I was done found out he went to the bar and had at least 4 beers and shot in 2 hours without eating something before. Lets just say that night was not a pretty site.

I got so scared because I couldn't trust him and I didn't know how to help him.

Next day, I told him we were done and kicked him out. Well a week later he said he wanted to talk. I told him fine, but after we were going to a AA meeting..well 2 months later he has been sober every since He got a sponsor all on his own and goes to 4 meetings a week. Its been not even 2 months and he's already on the 4th step. I told him that I support him getting better and Im here for him but he needs to focus on getting better and taking care of himself before we can talk about us and our relationship.

We meet at least once a week for dinner and I go to a AA meeting with him. I actually like going with him. I learn a lot about alcoholics and just about life in general. I have gone to 4 AL-ANON meetings, but I wasn't really a fan. I was in the "beginners group" and every time after the meetings I had a different lady come up to me and say that if they were me they would "move on" because I was "young and have my whole life ahead of me". That was not what I needed to hear. I am proud of my boyfriend and I dont compare him to other alcoholics because hes not like most. He got help before he really did hit a hard rock bottom. He thanks me every day for me saving his life.

But I am writing this post because I need to talk to someone who can relate. I need my own support system. I am not walking away. I want to feel like i tried our relationship out first. I told him when hes 90 days sober we will talk about our relationship (which is in january) but until then I want to take things slow. I still have respect for him. He was never abusive. If anything he was supportive and respectable of me and always encouragable. So if you can relate please, I want to hear your story and any advice

Dee74

Hi and welcome littledetails

You will find a lot of support on SR, both here and in our Family and Friends forum

D

EndGameNYC

He may need you for support, but he doesn't need you to treat his alcoholism. Healthy relationships often include interests, activities and concerns that are separate from -- and often enhance -- the "togetherness" that each person shares.

I heard a guy speak at a meeting once and, after some time in AA, his wife asked him if he really needed to go to five meetings each week. His answer? "I probably don't have to go to so many meetings, but I don't know which one I'll need to go to."