Tulips.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
Tulips.
I woke up to Tulips this morning. In my favorite color, yellow. They didn't really make me smile but in my mind I thought "well that was a nice thing to do".
He's never gotten me flowers before. He didn't come in and bug me last night, I heard him come home, and heard the footsteps of him around the other side of the house, I could tell he wasn't going to attempt to come in and see me, I was glad. I felt a little bad for him. But so happy he didn't come in the bedroom. I didn't really care about the tulips but I thought it was sweet. No I don't think $7.00 tulips solve anything. I'm just sharing.
He's never gotten me flowers before. He didn't come in and bug me last night, I heard him come home, and heard the footsteps of him around the other side of the house, I could tell he wasn't going to attempt to come in and see me, I was glad. I felt a little bad for him. But so happy he didn't come in the bedroom. I didn't really care about the tulips but I thought it was sweet. No I don't think $7.00 tulips solve anything. I'm just sharing.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
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Tulips are lovely. My favorites are the first ones in the spring.
I hope I'm not being a jerk by saying this, but this strikes me a A#1 manipulation. It may not have made you smile, but the intention is for him to soften your heart after all his bad deeds were done. Are they a smokescreen? I hope not, but that's what it feels like after the events leading up to your separation. It looks like he's going to work to un-separate you.
The last time my AH got me flowers was when I was pregnant and he disappeared over Mother's Day on a bender. I was sitting inside when saw him drive up in his car, obviously drunk, walk up to my front door, drop off a styrofoam cup filled with wildflowers, and get back in his car and drive away.
Glass half full, glass half empty. I could try to look at the bright side and say, oh, at least he thought about me, maybe he's sorry, or I could honor my feelings about the real issues at hand -- our failing finances, the reality that I was about to become a single mom to a newborn, his neverending relapses and completely unacceptable behavior -- and look past the flowers to the reality in front of me. He would get sober, he would stay drunk, the behavior stayed the same. I was left holding the bag for every household responsibility, and flowers were supposed to make me suck it up and accept more abuse.
I hope I'm not being a jerk by saying this, but this strikes me a A#1 manipulation. It may not have made you smile, but the intention is for him to soften your heart after all his bad deeds were done. Are they a smokescreen? I hope not, but that's what it feels like after the events leading up to your separation. It looks like he's going to work to un-separate you.
The last time my AH got me flowers was when I was pregnant and he disappeared over Mother's Day on a bender. I was sitting inside when saw him drive up in his car, obviously drunk, walk up to my front door, drop off a styrofoam cup filled with wildflowers, and get back in his car and drive away.
Glass half full, glass half empty. I could try to look at the bright side and say, oh, at least he thought about me, maybe he's sorry, or I could honor my feelings about the real issues at hand -- our failing finances, the reality that I was about to become a single mom to a newborn, his neverending relapses and completely unacceptable behavior -- and look past the flowers to the reality in front of me. He would get sober, he would stay drunk, the behavior stayed the same. I was left holding the bag for every household responsibility, and flowers were supposed to make me suck it up and accept more abuse.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
I honestly don't think he's that smart.
He is in outpatient therapy, he is going to meetings, he was in rehab for 30 days and he went 100 willingly. He's still an ass. I don't know if we will make it or not but if I were him, I'd be buying me flowers too and a whole lot more.
You aren't a jerk for saying what you said at all. I feel like defending him just a little though. I don't know...
Trust me I don't love the tulips at all.
He is in outpatient therapy, he is going to meetings, he was in rehab for 30 days and he went 100 willingly. He's still an ass. I don't know if we will make it or not but if I were him, I'd be buying me flowers too and a whole lot more.
You aren't a jerk for saying what you said at all. I feel like defending him just a little though. I don't know...
Trust me I don't love the tulips at all.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
My xAH would act nice like this sometimes too. In hindsight I believe in part he was trying to be nice but also had ulterior motives in that he wanted me to say "it's ok & I'm not mad" and then all would be ok (for him). Within a day or two of his "nice" gesture if I hadn't responded w gratitude and made him feel it was all better, nasty petulant man was back. N
I hope its different for you. I really do. I hope he's different.
I hope its different for you. I really do. I hope he's different.
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