Tonight's the night :(

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11-20-2013, 09:38 PM

# 1 (permalink)

Hardline

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Thread Starter

Join Date: Oct 2013

Posts: 9

Tonight's the night :(

God willing and I don't chicken out.

I can't keep hoping things are going to change when you've told me several times that you'll never stop drinking, so I need you to find a different place to live.

I've been repeating it like a mantra all night in an attempt to keep my god-forsaken SM from silencing me.

Life sucks sometimes...and then I'll get to explain it to DS(7).

11-20-2013, 11:21 PM

# 2 (permalink)

theuncertainty

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Join Date: Apr 2010

Location: Alaska

Posts: 2,913

Sending hugs, Hardline. It's hard taking the first few steps, but you can do it.

11-21-2013, 03:22 AM

# 3 (permalink)

LUCAN

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Join Date: Jun 2013

Posts: 13

I'm there myself. I know exactly what you are feeling. It is so hard to follow through. I wish you luck and peace.

11-21-2013, 04:05 AM

# 4 (permalink)

ResignedToWait

Stoic

Join Date: Nov 2012

Location: Wash D.C.

Posts: 321

How did you do with your plan? Hopefully, it went well for you.

11-21-2013, 06:16 AM

# 5 (permalink)

Hardline

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Thread Starter

Join Date: Oct 2013

Posts: 9

He didn't come home until after 11 and I fell asleep.

This morning before work he wanted a quickie and got dumped instead. He was pissed...what did I do? (Uh...we've talked about it and nothing has changed...) and refused to talk for most of the morning.

I know-I think-that it was the right move but I do love him and I feel bad about this because I genuinely believe he doesn't know any better.

Anyway...it's done, I'm ok, and trying to figure out how to maintain resolve.

You know, actually, he never apologized, never said anything but why and that he was pissed I was 'throwing him out'. Just said "I was home and you were pissed and now I'm working and you're mad too"? (Implying of course that I'm unreasonable...no dear I was pissed because you were off for five+ months and refused to consider looking for a job...other than sitting in the bar)

I'm trying desperately to stay 'in' my emotions and not 'put on' the rejection/hurt he's feeling...that I'm able to do that even so far is a minor victory, I guess.

11-21-2013, 06:51 AM

# 6 (permalink)

honeypig

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Join Date: Mar 2013

Location: Midwest

Posts: 11,481

Stay strong, hardline. If at some point he gets motivated and gets some serious sober time behind him, he knows where to find you, right? And in the meantime, you're sparing yourself an emotional (and financial) ball and chain dragging after you, like the ghost of Jacob Marley....

You deserve more than he is giving right now. Don't forget that.

Don't know if you've been to Alanon yet or not, but going today/tonight would be some GREAT backup support!

11-21-2013, 06:59 AM

# 7 (permalink)

ShootingStar1

Member

Join Date: Jun 2012

Posts: 1,452

Hey, hang in there. You've thought long and hard about this, made the best decision you can for you and your son, and had the courage to make it happen.

Remember, if (or when) he comes back saying he'll fix it, he needs you, whatever, his promises never fixed it before and they won't now. Tell your heart you are entitled to feel whatever you feel, but make your decisions from your head.

ShootingStar1

11-21-2013, 07:04 AM

# 8 (permalink)

Hardline

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Thread Starter

Join Date: Oct 2013

Posts: 9

Thank you. That is exactly what I needed to hear.

The hard part will be tonight and tomorrow, and trying to explain it to the kiddo.

I am *so* thankful for you guys...you have helped me more than you have any idea over the last several months. I was going to skip riding today but I think I need to do something productive that isn't sitting around over thinking.

11-21-2013, 07:42 AM

# 9 (permalink)

hopeful4

Member

Join Date: May 2010

Location: USA

Posts: 13,560

I went to counseling yesterday with my AH and reminded him of some boundaries I have formed. Of course he has tried to turn all the blame around to me...quack quack. Nope, I will not allow that at all and told him as much.

If HE wants to drink HE will have to suffer the consequences. BTW...the counselor agreed w/everything I was saying.

Good Luck and Blessings!

11-21-2013, 08:49 AM

# 10 (permalink)

firebolt

Member

Join Date: Jan 2012

Posts: 3,699

Hang in there, stick to your guns, YOU CAN DO THIS! The hardest part is almost over...and you and kiddo's life will be so much brighter. Stay focused, stay busty, and know that we are here for you!

11-21-2013, 09:01 AM

# 11 (permalink)

dandylion

Community Greeter

Join Date: Aug 2011

Posts: 16,246

Hardline---Keep remembering: "Short-term pain for Long-term gain". Sometimes, we do h ave to go through a painful experience to get to where we need to be.

You will not regret it.

We will help you through it. We have got your back--you aren't alone!!!!

dandylion

11-21-2013, 02:26 PM

# 12 (permalink)

firebolt

Member

Join Date: Jan 2012

Posts: 3,699

umm...yikes

I just noticed I said "stay busty."

Nothing like looking like a creep in a forum...awesome.

I meant STAY BUSY!!!!

Sheesh -

IRL, I am a part time copywriter...yeah....this one gos up there in my top 10 type-o's!

Hope you could use a laugh today...