Converstaion with a workmate today spinning in my head.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Converstaion with a workmate today spinning in my head.
I said "Looks like I'm not getting married in the summer and actually I think we might be breaking up."
She said "Oh what a shame ,you seemed so happy,why?"
I said "He likes his beer too much and it makes the future messy and I don't want my boys to think that's what a good man looks like"
She said "Are you sure ? Lots of men drink. Your kids are older they will be living their own life soon. It can get lonely"
I said "I don't just mean a couple of beers after dinner, I mean drinking himself to sleep every night and on his days off. I'm talking about a proper "alcoholic"
She said "Have you asked him to stop?"
I said "He's tried halfheartedly a couple of times but I don't really believe he wants to"
She said "Yup it's time to say bye bye then"
We smiled sadly at each other and got on with our work.
I don't really know why I'm sharing this. Maybe because I surprised myself because I rarely talk about it outside AlAnon. Maybe because she made it sound so simple. Or maybe just because writing it down might make it stop playing in my head.
She said "Oh what a shame ,you seemed so happy,why?"
I said "He likes his beer too much and it makes the future messy and I don't want my boys to think that's what a good man looks like"
She said "Are you sure ? Lots of men drink. Your kids are older they will be living their own life soon. It can get lonely"
I said "I don't just mean a couple of beers after dinner, I mean drinking himself to sleep every night and on his days off. I'm talking about a proper "alcoholic"
She said "Have you asked him to stop?"
I said "He's tried halfheartedly a couple of times but I don't really believe he wants to"
She said "Yup it's time to say bye bye then"
We smiled sadly at each other and got on with our work.
I don't really know why I'm sharing this. Maybe because I surprised myself because I rarely talk about it outside AlAnon. Maybe because she made it sound so simple. Or maybe just because writing it down might make it stop playing in my head.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hi Jessica....
Yes, it sounds so simple when it is played out in a conversation like that doesn't it?! Good for you for sharing with her and telling the truth, it really does set you free. And I think that puts in all into perspective, sometimes it should be alot more simple than what we make it.
Hugs.
Yes, it sounds so simple when it is played out in a conversation like that doesn't it?! Good for you for sharing with her and telling the truth, it really does set you free. And I think that puts in all into perspective, sometimes it should be alot more simple than what we make it.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
You never know what kinds of small things are going to make big differences, or when. My XABF burned a hole in my couch, walked my dog without a leash and destroyed my Christmas tree, but ultimately it was remembering something my therapist had said to me almost a year earlier when I started dating XABF that flipped the switch.
She said, "Attaching yourself to him is just keeping you from a more meaningful relationship with someone else."
She said, "Attaching yourself to him is just keeping you from a more meaningful relationship with someone else."
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
When I started talking about XAHs drinking and later his abuse and found that to outsiders it was so obvious it was all very toxic, that it was only then I started to believe I didn't have to keep living w it. So talk away. Speak your truth. Well done!
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