4 Months Sober & Counting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
4 Months Sober & Counting
Hello all.
It's been an interesting past few months. I had been thinking long and hard about quitting for a while, as I'm sure everyone has at some point or another, and decided that it was definitely time. I wasn't the casual get-drunk-on-weekends alcoholic. I threw in all my chips, it was never limited. 24/7 is what it would turn in to. I'd maintain a somewhat steady flow of not drinking in the mornings or while at work for little bits of time, but it all inevitably led back to that 18 beers (at least) and a half handle of vodka a day game plan. I never got shaky when I wasn't drinking, but my God did I feel like I was dying. It was that fear that kept me going. My anxiety also did not help my case. Neither did my bi-polar. All thrown together to form a Molotov cocktail of bad life decisions. I was stuck in this infinite loop of fear, depression, anger and sadness at the time. I finally, after 11 years of doing this, realized that if I keep doing what I am doing, I am going to die a very young person. I'm 26 now, and started when I was around 15. Getting drunk wasn't even fun anymore, it was just a chore to feel normal. It didn't even make me feel normal however, it just started making me feel like absolute ****. Dry heaving, puking from drinking beer or a shot of vodka that just didn't go down right like the 8 before had. The fact that even the smell of alcohol makes me gag now. I do have my moments where I think of how wonderful it would be to have a beer now and then, but that's just it; have A beer. Nope, not me. All in or all out. I do feel better, and I sleep fairly well. My mood is kind of up and down, but I'm working on it. The hardest part for me is the social aspect. That part of my life was alcohol, and now I don't have it. It's a slow rebuilding process but I'm learning new things about myself every day. Every time I think of me as an alcoholic I get a little queasy at what I was like, so it's motivation to keep getting as far away from that as possible.
That's a little bit about me, so if anyone would like to share a bit about their battle please do. Also, congrats to everyone who remains sober, and those who have just started the road to sobriety! Keep it up no matter how hard it gets. Just remember what you were like when you were using. If there's anyone in this world you should ever hate, it should be that person, because that person wants to kill you and will always be waiting with open arms for you to crawl back to them. Don't.
It's been an interesting past few months. I had been thinking long and hard about quitting for a while, as I'm sure everyone has at some point or another, and decided that it was definitely time. I wasn't the casual get-drunk-on-weekends alcoholic. I threw in all my chips, it was never limited. 24/7 is what it would turn in to. I'd maintain a somewhat steady flow of not drinking in the mornings or while at work for little bits of time, but it all inevitably led back to that 18 beers (at least) and a half handle of vodka a day game plan. I never got shaky when I wasn't drinking, but my God did I feel like I was dying. It was that fear that kept me going. My anxiety also did not help my case. Neither did my bi-polar. All thrown together to form a Molotov cocktail of bad life decisions. I was stuck in this infinite loop of fear, depression, anger and sadness at the time. I finally, after 11 years of doing this, realized that if I keep doing what I am doing, I am going to die a very young person. I'm 26 now, and started when I was around 15. Getting drunk wasn't even fun anymore, it was just a chore to feel normal. It didn't even make me feel normal however, it just started making me feel like absolute ****. Dry heaving, puking from drinking beer or a shot of vodka that just didn't go down right like the 8 before had. The fact that even the smell of alcohol makes me gag now. I do have my moments where I think of how wonderful it would be to have a beer now and then, but that's just it; have A beer. Nope, not me. All in or all out. I do feel better, and I sleep fairly well. My mood is kind of up and down, but I'm working on it. The hardest part for me is the social aspect. That part of my life was alcohol, and now I don't have it. It's a slow rebuilding process but I'm learning new things about myself every day. Every time I think of me as an alcoholic I get a little queasy at what I was like, so it's motivation to keep getting as far away from that as possible.
That's a little bit about me, so if anyone would like to share a bit about their battle please do. Also, congrats to everyone who remains sober, and those who have just started the road to sobriety! Keep it up no matter how hard it gets. Just remember what you were like when you were using. If there's anyone in this world you should ever hate, it should be that person, because that person wants to kill you and will always be waiting with open arms for you to crawl back to them. Don't.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Welcome, Steve!
I drank the way you did. 100% pedal to the metal. I don't exactly remember when drinking stopped being fun, but honestly, I can't even remember when it was fun to begin with. All I remember is the obsession, the daily vomiting, the diesel fuel-like vodka I poured down my throat like water, and that feeling like I was locked in a prison of alcohol.
After almost 8 months of sobriety, it feels so amazing to be free again. Sure, it sounds nice to have that one beer, but I can't remember a time where I just had one drink. I drank to get drunk. One drink wouldn't cut it. I too get nauseas at the smell of alcohol and when I think of what I put my body through.
As far as the social aspect, I've built up a solid support group of sober friends through AA. I had pushed away all my prior friends in favor of drinking, so it's nice to have true friends who have my back and will go out of their way to help me. I would do the same for them.
So keep up the good work!
I drank the way you did. 100% pedal to the metal. I don't exactly remember when drinking stopped being fun, but honestly, I can't even remember when it was fun to begin with. All I remember is the obsession, the daily vomiting, the diesel fuel-like vodka I poured down my throat like water, and that feeling like I was locked in a prison of alcohol.
After almost 8 months of sobriety, it feels so amazing to be free again. Sure, it sounds nice to have that one beer, but I can't remember a time where I just had one drink. I drank to get drunk. One drink wouldn't cut it. I too get nauseas at the smell of alcohol and when I think of what I put my body through.
As far as the social aspect, I've built up a solid support group of sober friends through AA. I had pushed away all my prior friends in favor of drinking, so it's nice to have true friends who have my back and will go out of their way to help me. I would do the same for them.
So keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 145
Hey Steve. Yup, that all sounds pretty familiar. I'm right there with you. 4 months and 1 day on this end as I'm reminded by your post. Let's keep it at. I have a pretty good idea now what lies ahead if we go back to what we were doing.
to SR! I'm glad you joined the family. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Thanks all of you! I see that some of you have shared the same bad cycles with me, and it makes me happy to know that we got out, not matter how long it took.
Zube - I feel bad pissing away the 11 years I did, and believe me, I have no doubt in my mind that had I kept going the way I was I wouldn't have even made it to 39. I do feel grateful that I came to this decision while I am still young, but not many can or recognize that they need to do this at my age. To keep it positive however, now that you've gotten a ****** part of your life out of the way, spend the remainder of it getting as far away from your former self as possible, and have as much fun as you can while doing it!
Scott6433 - You aren't too far behind me man. I'm on 4 months, 15 days today. We're probably experiencing similar things that we aren't normally used to. Keep it up and hopefully we can say in 8 months that we're 1 year sober from this mess!
hellhammer - Pedal to the mental is a much more efficient way of using your brain, as opposed to flooding it with poison, so good job
. Keep it going!!
digdug - Sucks doesn't it? It was fun for me for a while to drink, and social situations were always an awesome time (from what I remember of them) but towards the end I started getting extremely depressed/angry when I'd drink. I think all of the emotions I had stuffed down were finally telling me that I was going to listen to them whether I wanted to or not! Addiction is one horrible creature. I look forward to being sober for 8, and by that point you'll have your first year of sobriety under your belt, so you keep up the good work as well!
Dee74, MythOfSisyphus, least -
for the welcome!!
I hope to join in on some good discussions here, and offer support to anyone who needs it!
Zube - I feel bad pissing away the 11 years I did, and believe me, I have no doubt in my mind that had I kept going the way I was I wouldn't have even made it to 39. I do feel grateful that I came to this decision while I am still young, but not many can or recognize that they need to do this at my age. To keep it positive however, now that you've gotten a ****** part of your life out of the way, spend the remainder of it getting as far away from your former self as possible, and have as much fun as you can while doing it!
Scott6433 - You aren't too far behind me man. I'm on 4 months, 15 days today. We're probably experiencing similar things that we aren't normally used to. Keep it up and hopefully we can say in 8 months that we're 1 year sober from this mess!
hellhammer - Pedal to the mental is a much more efficient way of using your brain, as opposed to flooding it with poison, so good job
. Keep it going!!digdug - Sucks doesn't it? It was fun for me for a while to drink, and social situations were always an awesome time (from what I remember of them) but towards the end I started getting extremely depressed/angry when I'd drink. I think all of the emotions I had stuffed down were finally telling me that I was going to listen to them whether I wanted to or not! Addiction is one horrible creature. I look forward to being sober for 8, and by that point you'll have your first year of sobriety under your belt, so you keep up the good work as well!
Dee74, MythOfSisyphus, least -
for the welcome!!I hope to join in on some good discussions here, and offer support to anyone who needs it!
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