its easier to let people know than I thought it would be
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
its easier to let people know than I thought it would be
I'm on 20 days now. I've been posting about my intense anxiety since last week, and as everyone here told me it would, it is starting to pass. I am still feeling a slight sense of unease, but my doctor gave me an excellent referral so I am seeing a new counselor Thursday. I took Thursday and Friday off from work so I can have some time just for me. I am doing well. (Thanks for all the support SR friends!)
I have slowly started to tell the people in my life that I am no longer drinking. I felt the need to tell them because 1) I wanted to be open about what is going on with me, and 2) I wanted them to understand why I have gone MIA or have thrown a kink into our normal pattern of meeting up for dinner and drinks.
I did get the sense that one of my friends doesn't buy it - not that I have stopped drinking, but that I NEED to stop drinking. It's the stupid chicken and egg fight - did I drink too much because I was self medicating? Self medicating or not - seriously - WHO CARES! I NOW have a drinking problem!
I wanted to drink if I'm happy, sad, depressed, tense, bored, elated, over stimulated, tired, wide awake, hungry, stuffed, lonely and content. And I can't, because I am not one of those normal people who are fortunate enough to enjoy the benefits of a glass of wine without chasing it with 40 more. After I have a drink, I will eventually get back to a place where it will be a bottle of wine a night, whether I initially picked up the first drink because I was self medicating through a traumatic experience or not.
This is sinking in to me. I CAN NOT DRINK or I will lose control of it. Again. I have that drink, whatever it is is triggered, and I want more and more.
At 20 days, this is seriously sinking in that I can not drink. Not that I want to drink, because I don't. I suffered so much anxiety and depression this weekend as a part of withdrawal - I am disgusted with alcohol and what it can do to a person. The huge reality that I CAN'T DRINK.
It is so simplistic, yet it is such a huge revelation to me. I can't even describe it well right now...
smiles friends
I have slowly started to tell the people in my life that I am no longer drinking. I felt the need to tell them because 1) I wanted to be open about what is going on with me, and 2) I wanted them to understand why I have gone MIA or have thrown a kink into our normal pattern of meeting up for dinner and drinks.
I did get the sense that one of my friends doesn't buy it - not that I have stopped drinking, but that I NEED to stop drinking. It's the stupid chicken and egg fight - did I drink too much because I was self medicating? Self medicating or not - seriously - WHO CARES! I NOW have a drinking problem!
I wanted to drink if I'm happy, sad, depressed, tense, bored, elated, over stimulated, tired, wide awake, hungry, stuffed, lonely and content. And I can't, because I am not one of those normal people who are fortunate enough to enjoy the benefits of a glass of wine without chasing it with 40 more. After I have a drink, I will eventually get back to a place where it will be a bottle of wine a night, whether I initially picked up the first drink because I was self medicating through a traumatic experience or not.
This is sinking in to me. I CAN NOT DRINK or I will lose control of it. Again. I have that drink, whatever it is is triggered, and I want more and more.
At 20 days, this is seriously sinking in that I can not drink. Not that I want to drink, because I don't. I suffered so much anxiety and depression this weekend as a part of withdrawal - I am disgusted with alcohol and what it can do to a person. The huge reality that I CAN'T DRINK.
It is so simplistic, yet it is such a huge revelation to me. I can't even describe it well right now...
smiles friends
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Great post.
I've gone through some of the exact same things. People who didn't believe I needed to quit, the realazation that I can not drink and the anxiety and fear that goes along with drinking.
You're not alone I can not drink, either.
Best to you and congratulations on twenty days.
I've gone through some of the exact same things. People who didn't believe I needed to quit, the realazation that I can not drink and the anxiety and fear that goes along with drinking.
You're not alone I can not drink, either.
Best to you and congratulations on twenty days.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
For me drinking always involved some deceit to enable me to keep drinking the way i was , other people used to ask what i'd be doing or have done over the weekend and i used to have to make stuff up .
These days i don't need to make up anything .. it is very freeing and stress relieving ..
20 days
keep on , woooOOOooooo
Bestwishes, m
These days i don't need to make up anything .. it is very freeing and stress relieving ..
20 days
keep on , woooOOOoooooBestwishes, m
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi anyistoomuch, congrats on your 20 days!
In response to your subject line of the post I found out pretty quickly that for the most part the only person who cared about my drinking was me. By that I mean that when I told someone I expected more of a reaction. I'm thankful that I never had a person who rode my back at a social event that I needed to have a drink in hand. Most were very congratulatory, even my drinking buddies.
About the only thing that happened was that a few of my drinking buddies would periodically text me to see how I was doing and the underlying message was a check in to see if I was drinking yet. One I had to start ignoring because the text would start with seeing what I was up to and stating that they'd be intown for the weekend. I said that I had nothing going on but a few AA meetings. Pause, pause, pause then about 15 minutes later I'd get a text that she would let me know when she was here. I never heard from her. Eventually she realized that she needed to cross me off the drinking buddy list and I never heard from her again.
Most people are supportive and understanding.
In response to your subject line of the post I found out pretty quickly that for the most part the only person who cared about my drinking was me. By that I mean that when I told someone I expected more of a reaction. I'm thankful that I never had a person who rode my back at a social event that I needed to have a drink in hand. Most were very congratulatory, even my drinking buddies.
About the only thing that happened was that a few of my drinking buddies would periodically text me to see how I was doing and the underlying message was a check in to see if I was drinking yet. One I had to start ignoring because the text would start with seeing what I was up to and stating that they'd be intown for the weekend. I said that I had nothing going on but a few AA meetings. Pause, pause, pause then about 15 minutes later I'd get a text that she would let me know when she was here. I never heard from her. Eventually she realized that she needed to cross me off the drinking buddy list and I never heard from her again.
Most people are supportive and understanding.
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