Yay me! Boo to AH

Old 11-18-2013, 08:57 PM
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Yay me! Boo to AH

Last week I wrote a long venting thread about AH in which I didn't caretake him to make sure he got to work and just left his drunken butt passed out in bed on friday. He was no call/no show at work That day and is " no job" today. What an ass. So of course it isn't his fault. It was their fault. They were jealous of him. that is the way the world works. He just begged me for five dollars to go buy more beer. After he already spent a hundred today. I just "don't get it." That there is something more to the story than him just not showing up. He is yelling his anger at me while eating and food is spewing out of his mouth as he is turning red. I can't understand half of what he is saying. As I sit here typing this.

I get it alright. Then he swears at me because I told him to beg for change if he needs a beer that bad because I am not giving him more on top of the hundred he has spent. Oops. It slipped out when I was talking to him. And I get the just wait until you need someone to take care of you, eff you. Then he asks for twenty dollars MORE. And tells me that he will go to a meeting tomorrow. quaaaacccckkkkk.

He got the hundred because I gave him sixty for what was a legitimate reason at the time. He gets fired, doesnt need the sixty for the legit reason, comes home and scours the house and finds one blank check of mine and forges it for 40 dollars cash.

But the yay me? I didn't drink. I was conflicted on posting here or on the alcoholism forum. I was battling urges at that point. And for anyone reading this who hasn't read my earlier posts, I am an alcoholic who relapsed and am now on day 7 of sobriety, looking forward to day 8 tomorrow. I went to a meeting tonight. I do feel a little guilty because after he asked for money, and I told him no way, I gave him what was in my pocket and not hidden just to get him the heck out of the house so that my son could go to sleep and not hear daddy shouting obscenities at the top of his lungs. I wanted him to go away for the peace and quiet. It was exactly four dollars. He looked at it and said he had wanted twenty. I again said no and he took off. I am sure he is bad mouthing me as I type. For being a cheap bit$h. But it is a lot quieter around here.
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Old 11-18-2013, 09:30 PM
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And from one RA to another. Congrats. I think you did really good tonight.
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Old 11-18-2013, 09:42 PM
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Just trying to process it all Amy. It is going to be a mighty lean Christmas around here. I haven't been careful enough with money because he was bringing some in and I was always hoping that the next check would put us over the hump. Deep breaths. I should get some sleep Because he will probably come home at some point and wake me up for more money.
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Old 11-18-2013, 10:09 PM
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Good night Ruby. You did real good. Proud of you. Get some rest.
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Old 11-19-2013, 03:15 AM
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Hi Ruby,

I'm so sorry for the day you had...I'm happy you did not drink!

And BTW....

If anyone, husband or no, steals a check from my checkbook and forges my signature to get at my money--I will call the police and report it.
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Old 11-19-2013, 03:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post

He got the hundred because I gave him sixty for what was a legitimate reason at the time. He gets fired, doesnt need the sixty for the legit reason, comes home and scours the house and finds one blank check of mine and forges it for 40 dollars cash.
Ruby,

Congrats on your sobriety. My XA stole credit cards and my vehicles but never forged a check.

It's hard to establish boundaries with an active A who already knows that if they yell, scream loud enough you will give in. You are training your A to abuse you to get what he wants and it won't ever stop because you gave him the change and you didn't call the cops over the forged check.

Alcoholism is progressive and it will get worse.

You sure you don't want to stop the madness and let him sober up in jail? Life is a series of choices and he broke the law and your trust.

It is your decision and we won't judge you but if you want peace and quiet and be able to work your program in peace just pick up the phone and report the check.

You are in my prayers and take care of you!
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Old 11-19-2013, 04:52 AM
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Thanks. I don't have to report the check right away. I told him though that if he did it again I would report it. He isn't pushing back too much lately because I haven't been caving like before.

I have thought about changing th Locks on the house. Right now we are living together but he waltzes in at whatever hour of the night after blasting out of here for his sprees. To come home and crawl into bed.

I am too tired to do much thinking this morning but I did get sleep and feel reasonably rested. I leave work a little earlier today because I am taking son for his med check later on. Glad I asked if I could leave after finding out AH got fired. Figured he would be passed out and not be able to go.

Time to get kids up and ready for school. Lunches to be made, etc. and me ready for work.
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Old 11-19-2013, 06:23 AM
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[QUOTE=Ruby2;4299633
But the yay me? I didn't drink. [/QUOTE]

Congrats on not drinking
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Old 11-19-2013, 09:42 AM
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((Ruby))
glad you were able to maintain your sobriety ~ that's awesome!

I'm not giving suggestion on what to do about the check ~ but I just want to share a little of my story with my now ex ah . . .

It was very common for my then AH to steal money, checks or whatever to feed his alcoholism & addiction ~ no matter what I did he always found a way to get that money, forge my name and do whatever he needed to do get the money he wanted ~ I was not in al-anon & had no tools to set boundaries in our home. Our daughters had birthday money stolen too - they started keep their money at their grandmothers ~

because I truly never enforced the consequences I would "say" he had, because I would always give him another chance and nothing changed.
His disease progressed and my ah while under the influence, when no one else was home, he stole a checkbook from one of our adult newly married daughters that had a newborn baby ~ he wrote checks for almost $500.

I know it wasn't totally my fault but I did contribute to this ~ I had never really done anything before why would he think it would matter now.

My daughter did press charges ~ I was very proud of her. Sometimes our adult children are wiser than we are.

Wishing you the best ~

pink hugs
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Old 11-19-2013, 09:59 AM
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Thanks Ms. Pink, a cautionary tale. AH has already taken money from our kids. He denies it but when their gift money disappears I have a strong suspicion.

I am sitting McDonald's at lunch for the wi fi. I have been down for much of the morning. I only wish I had recorded AH last night while he was spewing his rage and food at the same time. It was so extremely ugly. And our poor son I am sure heard it all. I don't think I cando this anymore. Tolerate AH anymore thT is. some where i still love the cute you g guy i married. the one who was/is "super daddy" to our kids, but he has morphed into this bloated angry awful person. The last nails are finally being driven into the coffin of this relationship. I no longer have hope that he is ever going to get and stay sober. This time around he looks so much worse than he has ever done.

God, it was pathetic last night. He was drunkenly poking around the house to scrounge a dollar seventy in change to buy a forty ounce beer. To split with some guy in his car that looks like a defendant i would see in court. (I peeked). We are not normies because we no longer have a spare change jar. That is long gone. The spare change in my coat pocket was gone by that time. My husband, the thief and a liar. Spouting the bible on one hand and breaking most of the Ten Commandments on any given day.

I know this probably isn't the wisest thing but after watching him desperately scouring the house for change and rushing out to his car with some dude, I walked out there, to AHs side of the car. He rolled his window down and asked what was up. I told him that I just came out to look so that I could keep that picture in my head if I ever had the thought to relapse. Ugly ugly ugly.

I feel better writing. Sorry this is so long but I have a lot going on in my head. And a lot of planning to do.
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Old 11-19-2013, 10:08 AM
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(((Ruby2)))

Yeah for you for staying sober!!!!! So proud for you! You've been in my thoughts and I'm inspired by the strength you are showing to get through this.

Plan away...I know I feel better when I have a plan...even when I don't have to use it, it reduces my anxiety and gives me strength.
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Old 11-19-2013, 10:56 AM
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Best thing in the whole OP?

Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post

But the yay me? I didn't drink.
YAY YOU!
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Old 11-19-2013, 11:18 AM
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Keep listening & following the direction your recovery & HP leads you ~ go after what is healthy and allows you to be happy, joyous and free!

Pink hugs!
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