AM37

Dear all who are reading

Is there anybody out there like me? I have two young children, I work full time and I could / do get drunk most / every night off wine. I feel stressed and anxious about the thought of needing the high but then feel the same after the event as I want to be normal or give up. Is it possible to become a social drinker again or does this need to be the end of a long friendship? I worry about abstinence as my friends and husband drink. Is it possible to enjoy a night out and feel part of the conversation without alcohol? I can't be the only one who has had these questions - there must be others out there???

Leana

Alcoholics can't drink socially, not even one drink. Whether you are an alcoholic or not is something only you can answer.

Thepatman

I also have a young one with me. But he is worth the effort. Find strength in you young ones. They need a healthy mom.

DoubleDragons

I am a mother of four, I have a job and I love wine. Over the summer, I did achieve a form of moderation, but it was miserable. I didn't drink on the weekdays, and I limited myself to three glasses of wine on any weekend day. For the most part, I was able to stick with it, but I had to use an app on my phone, and I had to think about it constantly. My weeks started to feel like Countdown to the Weekend, for one reason only, so I could get my drink on. I never felt completely fulfilled because I really always wanted more. I got so sick of feeling controlled this way by alcohol, that I decided to give sobriety a try. I am on 51 days sober and I hope never to go back. I sleep better, I weigh less, I am a better wife and mom, my digestive system is better, I have no cringe worthy moments in recent memory. Someone from SR said to me, You have given all those years to drinking, why not give sobriety a try? I am so grateful they set me up for the challenge!

DoubleDragons

BTW, my husband still drinks (very lightly) and all of my friends and family drink. They still love me and I still have fun!

Marria

Hi AM37 I honestly think that if you are questioning your relationship with alcohol then it is a problem.
I'm a single mom, two kids and work full- time. I too drank wine almost every night and fought hard to be a social drinker. All of your thoughts about drinking with friends etc were mine. I simply could not accept the hold that alcohol had over my life. I wanted so badly to be normal!
And believe it or not, when I finally got sober 11 months ago little did I realize that most people really don't care whether I drink or not! Except me, I treasure my sobriety and it's become so normal and a perfectly fine way to live!
I wish you the best xxx

Dee74

Have you seen this thread AM?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-6-a-11.html

D

ClaireFraser

Very similar situation and, like DoubleDragons, I really wanted moderation to work and had very similar results. It took so much thought to regulate the wine consumption that I didn't enjoy it when I had it and all I thought about the rest of the time was when I could have it next. Sobriety is so much easier for me because I don't have to plan for it and I never feel deprived of something because I've just declared it off limits. Good luck with your decision.

LSC1

Hi AM37

15 months ago I was YOU ... I have worked full time for 20 years ... married to an alcoholic and have two kids 9 and 12 (the birthday girls today). I drank wine everynight before bed and wasted MANY weekends.

I just got sick and tired of being hungover .... I knew something had to change and rehab was NOT an option for me as I had a family to run.

I tapered so my withdrawal were not as bad as they could have been ... but that first fortnight was tough especially for the kids ... they DID NOT understand why I was SOOOOO grumpy.

THANK GAWD I forund SR and SR chat

I spent as much time as possible out of the house ...walking, riding , swimming and down at the beach.

I found new activities and have made new friends. I drink lots of herbal TEA

I still socialise with my friends ... they drink heaps less now ... most of the time they visit they join me for a tea .. I was ALWAYS drinking before so THEY drank wine as well.... I have a lot more open and honest relationship with them now

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

But you need a plan and maybe you need to ask for some help to make a plan.

least

It is very possible to have a social life and not drink. More people don't drink than people who do, tho the ones who drink usually make the most 'noise'.


You can do this. Reach out for help, wherever you can find it. Then go at recovery like your life depends on it... because it does.

Anna

Of course you can have a social life without alcohol involved, but I don't spend much time with people who drink anymore. There are so many better things to do. If you are an alcoholic, you cross an invisible line and you cannot go back to drinking normally. Most of us have tried and wished we could but it doesn't work or as DoubleDragon expressed, it's an exhausting task.

Ruby2

I too am a mom of two young children, married to an alcoholic addict. I work full time and I loved my wine. Dear me, I loved wine. Every night. Two bottles of wine. Hangovers from heck the next day. Barely functioning or paying attention to my kids while I was drinking.

I went into treatment last year and found out that I can have a rewarding life without the alcohol. I relapsed in August but drank beer this time. Surely that isn't as bad, really? But it is. I cannot have any alcohol. It was like losing my best friend. I resented people who could stop at one or two. I was only starting at that point.

I cannot drink ever. I can not moderate my drinking. Maybe for a week or so but then am back to a six pack. Then a twelve pack. Then more. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic. Or whether you are a heavy drinker who can suddenly become a social drinker. For me, it doesn't work.

Glad you came here. It helps.

Ruby2

By the way, I am seven days sober right now and have returned to attending my AA meetings.

tippy79

I just joined yesterday and have the same story, and the same worries about the future. Right now it's so hard to picture my life without having a drink again, but like the others, I have tried to cut back or slow down, I even stopped for a bit, but I can't drink in moderation. I look for the buzz every time, that was the whole point.
I'm doing this again and trying not to look so far in the future, just going day by day.
I guess it's easier said than done, but try and surround yourself with people who don't drink?! My first night of being sober was a good bye party at MY house, and watching everyone drink made me really angry.......why could they drink and not have a problem like me?
After everyone left, I was proud of myself. Granted I'm only 4 days into sobriety this time around, I decided that I'm going to keep my distance from my friends that revolve their fun around drinking. Plus, I got rid of all the booze in my house. My husband drinks, but won't around me. He's been very supportive. I hope you can find the support you need. So far, this website has given me support, and the ability to interact with people who have gone through the same thing you and I have. I was surprised at all the other moms who drank wine like I did, but who were able to overcome all that!
Best wishes to you! I'm new to this too (only have been sober during pregnancy x2, and a month not too long ago). I'm around if you want to chat

sweetmamaof3

I'm also a mom of 3. I have been drinking pretty heavy for a couple years now. I have been trying to stop since May, and been attending AA since then. I have not got more than 21 days since then! I just keep relapsing, and every time I do it gets worse. My husband doesn't drink, and my marriage has been on the rocks for all I have put him through. I need to stop for good I can not moderate, I try but once I have a taste of that high I can't get enough.

bradytl

I was scared to face my truth, that I was a alcoholic. Just try not to drink today. If you can't ...then you have your answer. But as I have always heard Once a cucumber becomes a pickle it will never be a cucumber again.

AM37

thanks for your response. I have also found moderation flipping hard work and I am finally accepting that sobriety is the only way for me. It does make me feel sad though - is that normal? How do you relax at the end of a busy day? How are you not tempted when other people are drinking - particularly on happy occasions or celebrating? how do you avoid the voice that says that you are okay and that one or two is fine and that you can control it?
sooo many questions - sorry x

AM37

thanks Marria - 11 months is great and your comments are positive. I'm just dreading the first few months. Or am I dreading failure again?

AM37

no but I will look at it. Thanks

AM37

I know how you feel. My marriage has been effected too. 21 days is great and more than I have ever done. Keep with it and we can support each other.