Family pressure to drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Family pressure to drink
I am on day 67 and doing fine. I have been lucky to have no withdrawal problems. I have been here quite a few times before but I feel stronger this time because I think of using SR and AVRT. However I am getting quite a bit of pressure to drink from my nearest family.
For example we where at a wedding at the weekend and I didn't want to drink. Their response was you must drink it is a wedding. I think I am seen as the slightly naughty uncle who always is the life and soul of the party and may show himself up now and again but is funny with it. I am 53.by the way.
Now I must hold my hand up and say I have enjoyed this tag in the past as it gave me an excuse to drink. However people are having a hard time adjusting to the new me. I feel it would be easier just to drink and make them happy. But I don't want to. I do look back on family occasions and holidays in the past and admit we did have some great times mainly alcohol fuelled so I really get where they are coming from. But I want to change because for Avery good night on the beer there are countless bad days recovering.
I hope they will get used to me not drinking and I am trying to be the same fun person without alcohol but I would be kidding myself if I believed I was. But the upside to sobriety feels so good I don't want to jeopardise it. Anybody else been here?
For example we where at a wedding at the weekend and I didn't want to drink. Their response was you must drink it is a wedding. I think I am seen as the slightly naughty uncle who always is the life and soul of the party and may show himself up now and again but is funny with it. I am 53.by the way.
Now I must hold my hand up and say I have enjoyed this tag in the past as it gave me an excuse to drink. However people are having a hard time adjusting to the new me. I feel it would be easier just to drink and make them happy. But I don't want to. I do look back on family occasions and holidays in the past and admit we did have some great times mainly alcohol fuelled so I really get where they are coming from. But I want to change because for Avery good night on the beer there are countless bad days recovering.
I hope they will get used to me not drinking and I am trying to be the same fun person without alcohol but I would be kidding myself if I believed I was. But the upside to sobriety feels so good I don't want to jeopardise it. Anybody else been here?
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,242
hey toffee...
stick to your guns, stay sober, being the funny drunk uncle now and again may be amusing to others but this is about you, you have come so far, and peer pressure is no reason to give in...if they mention it again, tell them straight, keep your sobriety safe...not worth losing it for a few hours, believe me.. x
stick to your guns, stay sober, being the funny drunk uncle now and again may be amusing to others but this is about you, you have come so far, and peer pressure is no reason to give in...if they mention it again, tell them straight, keep your sobriety safe...not worth losing it for a few hours, believe me.. x
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Set firm and serious boundaries and stick to them. They might not like it, but they will eventually learn.
In the meantime, if the pressure bothers you too much, then do not hesitate to avoid them.
In the meantime, if the pressure bothers you too much, then do not hesitate to avoid them.
Do you think that telling them how you feel would ease the pressure a bit? They are your family, they love you, drinking or not. It just takes time to adjust to a major change in a loved one. Stay the course, you can succeed.
What's more important to you - your sobriety and health, or pleasing others at parties? I'm pretty sure you know the answer, right? Remember too that you don't have to be drunk to be a fun person. People get married and have anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and every imaginable celebration there is without drinking. Heck, there are entire cultures that exist quite happily and successfully without alcohol.
Take a wedding for an example- you can dance, sing, visit, whatever you like without drinking. If others cannot that is simply their problem, not yours.
Take a wedding for an example- you can dance, sing, visit, whatever you like without drinking. If others cannot that is simply their problem, not yours.
Peer pressure just isn't for kids! I know it's difficult, but you know what the right thing to do is.
If a teenager came to you and said something similar to what you posted, what would you say? They know their life is better without alcohol, but their friends miss the funny drunk friend, so they don't know what to do. What would you tell them? To go ahead and drink? To give up on sobriety?
I know family can be more difficult to deal with than friends, but the basic point is the same. Sobriety is for you ... not them. Your family will be fine with you being sober
If a teenager came to you and said something similar to what you posted, what would you say? They know their life is better without alcohol, but their friends miss the funny drunk friend, so they don't know what to do. What would you tell them? To go ahead and drink? To give up on sobriety?
I know family can be more difficult to deal with than friends, but the basic point is the same. Sobriety is for you ... not them. Your family will be fine with you being sober
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Same as the others.
One other thing is that it might take a while to learn to know the new you.
I was also the life of the party. But at the core, I'm the quiet type, not this lound mouth I had become, ;-)
One other thing is that it might take a while to learn to know the new you.
I was also the life of the party. But at the core, I'm the quiet type, not this lound mouth I had become, ;-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Thanks for early replies . They all sort of mirror my own views ,I know that for 99% of the time sobriety suits me down to the ground but I wish I could be that fun uncle again just now and again but I can't. I know where that leads. I am just going to assume that as I throw more time at this then people will get used to the new me. Thanks again
I think sometimes others want us to continue to be "the fun drunks" because it doesn't make them have to observe their own behaviors and addictions. I know that the few times that I wasn't the drunkest one at the party, I was relieved that the focus was on someone else's drunken behavior and I didn't have to face how drunk I was at the same party. The loud, fun drunk allows other people to get their drunk on without being noticed . . . .
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 430
Toffee, congrats on your 67 days!
Early sobriety was very hard for me, but with time I've had to spend less and less energy fighting the urge to pick up that first drink or wallowing in guilt for the huge ass I had made of myself. Not only is it easier to not drink now, but my sense of humor is coming back and it is a more genuine, clever, witty, less cruel kind of funny.
It's entirely possible that as you grow stronger and stronger in your sobriety, you'll once again become the fun uncle, only this time in a more positive, life-giving way. Until then, take care of you!
Early sobriety was very hard for me, but with time I've had to spend less and less energy fighting the urge to pick up that first drink or wallowing in guilt for the huge ass I had made of myself. Not only is it easier to not drink now, but my sense of humor is coming back and it is a more genuine, clever, witty, less cruel kind of funny.
It's entirely possible that as you grow stronger and stronger in your sobriety, you'll once again become the fun uncle, only this time in a more positive, life-giving way. Until then, take care of you!
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