bigsombrero

And now he's out, and he's texted me.

About 1.5 years ago I was in a rehab facility - many of the folks I met there were very good people, and I shared phone numbers and kept in touch with a couple folks here and there for support.

One of my buddies - who was really the nicest guy - started drinking again. We chatted weekly and he called me drunk, twice, and finally broke down and was blubbering like a baby. I told him no more contact, if he called me again drunk, I would hang up. He never called again.

Until tonight. He'd disappeared for 6 months. And tonight (almost 10pm on a Sunday) he just texted me. He tells me he was in prison for 6 months. He's got the same girlfriend, but cannot live with her because that's a parole violation (she seems horrible for him, BTW, but he won't hear it). He is now staying in a hotel with no phone, and only has access to the hotel wifi.

Question to the F&F forum: I'm a recovering alcoholic - do I respond to this guy? He lied to me about drinking in the past, got wasted, screwed up his life and just got out of jail. Is this the type of guy I should be communicating with? He lives a few states away, he's not going to show up at my door or anything...I want to help him and we share a bond from rehab...but I'm afraid that's not possible...any advice?

MissFixit

hi

as you well know he has to help himself, just like you have to help yourself. we can ve drawn into another's drama so easily by ignoring big red flags because we feel guilty.

you said that you cant trust him. i think that speaks for itself. if being around someone who is not trustworthy and probably emotionally unstable and might be drinking is a triggar for you then you might let sleeping dogs lie and stay away.

Pamel

I think you have answered your own question wisely when you say you're "afraid that is not possible". The last time I got involved in a similar situation I drank; this time around I am aware of my own vulnerability and selfishly? protecting it.

Spinner-007

The Magic 8 Ball says follow your gut on this one.

You need a good wind in your sails, steady hand at the rudder, but not an anchor.

(...and that's as far as I'll go with THIS cliche festival!)

FireSprite

I would agree with the others that it makes more sense to stay away.

Unless you feel comfortable (but not obligated) to simply listen to him as a fellow RA, offering support the way maybe a sponsor or fellow AA member might do for one another. I would not get involved, offer assistance, create an open door that he misinterprets as an invitation unless you really mean to. JMHO.

bigsombrero

In the past I liked our weekly phone chats because we came from the same starting point, and it was nice to hear someone else's progress. Turns out he was drinking the entire time for all those conversations, lying to me about being sober and everything. I only found out when he actually passed out while on the phone with me. I think he just wants a buddy he can talk to on the phone while he gets wasted. And that's too bad. Because I can't be that person.

Thanks F&F.

Ruby2

Glad you are taking care of yourself. It sounds like you know what is and is not comfortable for you.

I had a buddy from my first go around at treatment years ago show up on my doorstep once. Totally wasted. I was sober and newly pregnant. She ran around my kitchen cleaning things that didn't need cleaning, was loud, got in my face....I think that was the last time I saw her.

Second time in treatment I took some numbers but have not kept in touch with any of them. I wish them well but I stick to people I have met in my AA meetings for support.

Zube

You can carry the message, but you cannot carry the alcoholic.

Best of luck to you,
Zube