Jend719

So my AD called me from jail,this morning. She said she put in a request to meet with her abf who is also in jail. Her reasoning is that he is her codefendant on 2 cases she has pending. She said they encourage you to talk to your codefendant. I don't believe her. I told her it is not a wise decision, they are not good for each other and don't even think about carrying on some jailhouse romance. They're there for a reason!

Has anyone heard of this kind of thing? I think it's ridiculous! Is she really going to continue to make stupid decisions from jail? I will be there for her and support her but not if she's going to do crap like this.

Upsetnneedhelp

My son continues to make poor decisions in prison. He was, at one point, running up drug debts inside and writing to various women. Jail/prison is not always a addicts lowest point. It is a breeding ground for anti-social behavior. American prisons were once about rehabilitation but now it's about punishment.

Upsetnneedhelp

A lawyer would advise her not to talk to her boyfriend if he is the co-defendant in a upcoming case. They could use whatever they talk about against them at trial.

lizwig

Pffbbbttt...sounds like malarkey to me. I cannot imagine this is something the courts, jails or attorneys would encourage. "Let's put the two of them together so they can get their stories straight....and while we are at it...let's record them as well. Yeah that's it!" This is very far fetched. I would love to hear from someone who can say definitively...but my guess is this is what she wants so she's going to try to sell it to you regardless. Thanks for the giggle.

LoveMeNow

Do they each have their own attorneys?? I really don't believe the jail will accommodate her request. It's amazing the stories they come up to get what they want.

Jend719

Yes they each have different attorneys. She has 2 attorneys and I will be letting both of them know. It's so beyond ridiculous.

LoveMeNow

It really is. But the most important thing in all this is how you act or react. Is she making your life seem unmanageable, are you obsessing over her actions and choices?

You can "lecture" and/or advise her until your blew in the face....it won't help a thing.

When I would listen and reacted to the crazy talk, I started feeling and acting crazy too. Many people here, along with Alanon gave me tools on how not to engage or cut the topic short.

Some example are -

"I am sorry you feel that way. "

"How Wonderful"

"Good for YOU"

"Well, there you go".

"Isn't that nice."

"Oh I so hope that works out for you"


Then I let the nonsense go.......

Jend719

Thank you!! I will try that!

Upsetnneedhelp

She has two attorneys? I debated weather or not to get my son an attorney. I decided to let him have the public defender. Let her feel the consequences but just know that addicts have a tremendous tolerance for pain. It is in God's hands now.

Jend719

She has 2 because she has charges in different towns. They were assigned by the judge. I am not paying for these attorneys although they are private 18b attorneys.