Quit so many times I cannot count
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Quit so many times I cannot count
I have quit so many times I've lost count. I made it for days weeks months and even one time years but the allure of alcohol always brought me back. I found that will power alone with never enough. Will power was super important because it got me sober but it was not enough to keep me sober.
My question is besides willpower what did it take for you to get sober and stay sober. this is not an argument about recovery methods but it is about the multitude of recovery tools
My question is besides willpower what did it take for you to get sober and stay sober. this is not an argument about recovery methods but it is about the multitude of recovery tools
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
For me it was the realization that I was literally killing myself slowly with alcohol. I hadn't gotten to the point of major health issues, but it was around the corner. I guess you could say my common sense finally won over the madness of drinking. SR and my family have helped immensely to help me keep that line of thinking. Willpower isn't all of it but it is definitely part of it.
Sober since March 21, 2013
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 262
What has helped me, so far, is finally realizing that no matter how long I remain sober if I drink again it will get out of control within a few months.
I know I could drink a beer right now and have no urge for another one. But then I'd have another next week, or next month.
Eventually I'd be back to drinking everyday and planning my life around booze.
Besides will power, all it takes for me is reading posts on SR to remind me that I never have to return to that life of misery again. There is nothing alluring about having a hangover everyday.
I know I could drink a beer right now and have no urge for another one. But then I'd have another next week, or next month.
Eventually I'd be back to drinking everyday and planning my life around booze.
Besides will power, all it takes for me is reading posts on SR to remind me that I never have to return to that life of misery again. There is nothing alluring about having a hangover everyday.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 16
My will power only got me to the point of not drinking every day. It is through the strength and hope of others, and my giving up and letting go of trying to control things, embracing the "we" program of AA that will keep me sober. I, like you, have so many sobriety dates that I stopped even counting. Even that, I tried to control. I know I have to sit back and listen to the people who have many years under their belt and actually DO the things that they "suggest", instead of half heartedly doing them "my way". I wish you great strength to let go....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
I too came to the realization that I cannot have just one drink. Can't do it! Though, I tried and tried and tried. The end result is always the same. I have surrendered to this simple fact...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
SR has been an amazing tool for me. None of my close friends or family are sober, so if I didn't have you all as a support system, I would be at a loss. Also, reading books and websites about the real truth about alcohol (Kick the Drink by Jason Vale was excellent) helped me look at alcohol logically as a dangerous, addictive drug with virtually no upside. I had never tried to look at alcohol in a different light before because I was raised to believe that drinking alcohol is a part of life, and a fairly big part, at that. Also, watching other people who I love starting to really spiral downward with their alcohol addictions, served as a very strong warning as to where I was headed and I didn't want that to be my life's legacy nor did I want to lose the respect of my children and future grandchildren.
Great thread! Thank you!
Great thread! Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
I honestly have no idea why I have remained sober. The fact is that I very rarely even think about drinking anymore. It is no longer a part of my life. I don't know why I was able to do it this time and not other times. I still have the same problems, same anxieties, same family, same job, same friends. I wish I had an answer to this question. I did nothing different this time than I did the 100 times before- for some reason, this time stuck!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
For me it's reality checks in many forms.
Like "will drinking/drugging help this situation?" no
Is what I want a drink? or to feel differently than I feel? Is the feeling I have appropriate/useful? If not...what's really going on here and what will actually address it? (sometimes doing nothing and riding it out is the answer)
What do I want to fill my life with, how do I want to spend my time? then I do that...but again...being realistic. There are a lot of things I can do, if I'm not feeling sorry for myself about what I can't.
I've taken the time and made the effort to learn how to be OK with my feelings, and how to address feelings that used to send me running for a drink or pill. And like I said, for me that sometimes means simply not freaking over it, realizing that this is part of normal human life, and that feelings pass.
I've been through some doozies of situations, and no matter WHAT I felt at some point during all those experiences, they passed.
Sobriety for me has been a series of reality checks and then choices based on reality.
And lots of reality is really good stuff. It's not like I am constantly fighting some ugly truths, I am enjoying lots of wonderful things that life has to offer and not making mountains out of molehills. (at least a lot less often than i used to)
Like "will drinking/drugging help this situation?" no
Is what I want a drink? or to feel differently than I feel? Is the feeling I have appropriate/useful? If not...what's really going on here and what will actually address it? (sometimes doing nothing and riding it out is the answer)
What do I want to fill my life with, how do I want to spend my time? then I do that...but again...being realistic. There are a lot of things I can do, if I'm not feeling sorry for myself about what I can't.
I've taken the time and made the effort to learn how to be OK with my feelings, and how to address feelings that used to send me running for a drink or pill. And like I said, for me that sometimes means simply not freaking over it, realizing that this is part of normal human life, and that feelings pass.
I've been through some doozies of situations, and no matter WHAT I felt at some point during all those experiences, they passed.
Sobriety for me has been a series of reality checks and then choices based on reality.
And lots of reality is really good stuff. It's not like I am constantly fighting some ugly truths, I am enjoying lots of wonderful things that life has to offer and not making mountains out of molehills. (at least a lot less often than i used to)
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
Will power has nothing do to with my sobriety. Nor does self-knowledge. Our intricate brains are wired to work a certain way. It takes a lot of work to retrain the brain. Neuroscience has made great gains in the field of neuroplasticity and it is the basis of my recovery.
I had to change my brain chemistry and wiring. I had to have a complete personality change and do pretty much everything in my life differently. Once that was done, I had to maintain that change with daily tasks, lest I engage in old behaviors.
I look the same (mostly), but people tell me that I am a completely different person...not just the old me who doesn't drink, but a whole new person. I am now actually closer to the person I always wanted to be.
Thank you for your post. I could really relate!
I had to change my brain chemistry and wiring. I had to have a complete personality change and do pretty much everything in my life differently. Once that was done, I had to maintain that change with daily tasks, lest I engage in old behaviors.
I look the same (mostly), but people tell me that I am a completely different person...not just the old me who doesn't drink, but a whole new person. I am now actually closer to the person I always wanted to be.
Thank you for your post. I could really relate!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Complete and total honesty. I started realizing that I could spend a lifetime making excuses to drink when I really just drank because I wanted to. You could pretty much take any sentence that starts with "I slipped/relapsed..... and remove whatever comes after that and replace it with "because I wanted to". When you want to drink more than you want to be sober nothing is going to stop you.
That's where tools come in, you can choose to use them or not.
You have to want this and you have to be completely honest when the AV comes calling.
Acceptance is a must but that acceptance level also changes when those cravings are present. That's where honesty is important.
That's where tools come in, you can choose to use them or not.
You have to want this and you have to be completely honest when the AV comes calling.
Acceptance is a must but that acceptance level also changes when those cravings are present. That's where honesty is important.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Thank you for this post! It is a good reminder for me that a key to my sobriety is my acceptance....true acceptance....that I cannot drink like other people. I, like others have said, tried and tried and tried. I tried every trick in the book and even invented a few new ones to try to figure out how to control my drinking. Nothing and I mean Nothing worked.
Once I wrapped my head around acceptance, I began to change soooooooo many things in my life. I am still making changes and some of them aren't fun....necessary though. I meet with a therapist as well as do a ton of research, reading, and reflection on addiction. I'm also lucky as I'm in the field so-to-speak so I have a lot of time to talk and think.
Once I wrapped my head around acceptance, I began to change soooooooo many things in my life. I am still making changes and some of them aren't fun....necessary though. I meet with a therapist as well as do a ton of research, reading, and reflection on addiction. I'm also lucky as I'm in the field so-to-speak so I have a lot of time to talk and think.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
My health was going downhill, nothing serious but niggling nagging stuff of never being quite right. Within two months all that fell away, at eight months I've emerged so healthy it staggers me -- I'm 58 and now I'm ready to get super fit.
I think there is an element of white knuckling in the beginning when you must grit your teeth and simply not drink, willpower if you like. Then the dogged determination from within you needs to kick in, that's when you need a plan and/or programme and/or sponsor. For me it was SR, a plan and knuckling down until I became used to not drinking. This is less willpower than self determination through self discipline.
Leo Babauta wrote about self discipline on Zen Habits the other day, I found myself linking all his points to my recovery which is ongoing. I'll copy the post here as Leo encourages readers to do that through his policy of uncopyright.
I think there is an element of white knuckling in the beginning when you must grit your teeth and simply not drink, willpower if you like. Then the dogged determination from within you needs to kick in, that's when you need a plan and/or programme and/or sponsor. For me it was SR, a plan and knuckling down until I became used to not drinking. This is less willpower than self determination through self discipline.
Leo Babauta wrote about self discipline on Zen Habits the other day, I found myself linking all his points to my recovery which is ongoing. I'll copy the post here as Leo encourages readers to do that through his policy of uncopyright.
Self-Discipline in 5 Sentences
By Leo Babauta
Have a powerful reason — when things get difficult, “because it sounds nice” or “to look good” aren’t going to cut it.
Start tiny, with a simple but unbreakable promise to yourself to do one small thing every single day.
Watch your urges, and learn not to act on childish whims.
Listen to your self-rationalizations, and don’t believe their lying ways.
Enjoy the habit, or you won’t stay with it longer than a week’s worth of sunrises.
By Leo Babauta
Have a powerful reason — when things get difficult, “because it sounds nice” or “to look good” aren’t going to cut it.
Start tiny, with a simple but unbreakable promise to yourself to do one small thing every single day.
Watch your urges, and learn not to act on childish whims.
Listen to your self-rationalizations, and don’t believe their lying ways.
Enjoy the habit, or you won’t stay with it longer than a week’s worth of sunrises.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
My sobriety started off as shear willpower. My last drink was literally almost my last drink. The eve of my sobriety almost ended in my dying by death of head injury. Even up until that last step I took before my 6 foot head dive, I'd have denied a problem. My husband placed two choices in front of my quit or leave. I quit.
So the first chapter was only will. If I'm honest that first month I was trying to figure out how to reinsert alcohol "moderately" back into my life. I'm thankful I never did. My first several weeks I posted many if those sobriety sucks post. I must give credit where credit is due: it was the great wizard of OZ mr. Dee that changed my whole sobriety outlook. After a probably childish complaining post, he replied that, "nothing changes if nothing changes" this one small statement completely changed the course of my sobriety that day forward.
It took a whole lot of work to get from there to here (7 months) but willpower has been the least used tool in my box. Today I remain sober because I seen the true beauty of myself. I love who I am and would never want to abuse her again the way I did for so long. Figuring out what you are yearning for when reaching for a drink has been my greatest tool. Mine was disappearance, so now I make sure I live a life where I'm seen and heard.
So the first chapter was only will. If I'm honest that first month I was trying to figure out how to reinsert alcohol "moderately" back into my life. I'm thankful I never did. My first several weeks I posted many if those sobriety sucks post. I must give credit where credit is due: it was the great wizard of OZ mr. Dee that changed my whole sobriety outlook. After a probably childish complaining post, he replied that, "nothing changes if nothing changes" this one small statement completely changed the course of my sobriety that day forward.
It took a whole lot of work to get from there to here (7 months) but willpower has been the least used tool in my box. Today I remain sober because I seen the true beauty of myself. I love who I am and would never want to abuse her again the way I did for so long. Figuring out what you are yearning for when reaching for a drink has been my greatest tool. Mine was disappearance, so now I make sure I live a life where I'm seen and heard.
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