Clueless15

Well, I'll start off by saying my boyfriend has been sober for 18 months.

Tinks65

unfortunately in my house that was one of the first signs .... time will tell, until then I would lock up any other valuables and check your bank account regularly

KeepinItReal

I say this in the kindest way possible.... Is there a way you THOUGHT he has been sober for the last 18 months... but he's still been using?

Many people can hide it.... very well. Until it bursts.. or a binge occurs.

I would put anything you have left in a safe deposit box and ask to store electronics at a trusted persons house.

I would do this if I suspected relapse or anything went missing.

(I have all my jewelry in a safe deposit box or it would be stolen)

Upsetnneedhelp

It is probably stolen. The worst part is the fact that the addict will pawn these valuables at the pawnshop and receive very little of what it's worth. Usually these items are very sentimental as well.

Hoopgirl13

I thought I was crazy and just losing money, but it turns out that no I am not crazy; my husband had been stealing. How did I find out? I followed him after he stole my debit card out of my purse and drove to pick up the woman who was apparently helps him get what ever he is using (heroin or pills).

Lily1918

cash is usually the first thing to go, but he will gaslight you and make you think you lost it.

Always trust your gut. what kind of valuables are they? Its not like gremlins came into your house to take grandmas necklace. Sometimes it's just easier to stay in denial when they steal from us.

I have a friend "K" she and her husband have a safe in their house. Last year, there was $2,000 cash in it. She and her husband are the only two who know the combination to the safe. When the $ disappeared, he blamed the babysitter.

she believed him, and fired the babysitter. how in the world is a 16 year old little girl going to crack a safe, steal $2,000 and leave the jewelry??

I mean if someone is going to rob you usually they go all out.

D (my AH) stole stuff all the time. He would take my cell phone and make me think I lost it, my jewelry, stuff from his parents house. He would sneak wallets out of purses in public places... He would even just steal the dope from the dealer and then find a new dealer...

neferkamichael

Clueless15, it's definitely a sign, and you should be paranoid. Rootin for ya.

Leana

The case of the missing valuables.

The addict, hiding a relapse, while the supportive family member wonders if he/she is paranoid.

He is using again. Lock up your stuff, take your purse to bed with you and ask him flat out if he relapsed.

Good Luck

overit263

That's how I caught by AXH both times. You are not paranoid and you need to stand firm, because more than likely he will lie with an excuse and you might be in denial. You don't want that. Stand firm.

needingabreak

Your gut never lies. Put everything in a safe place from now on to protect yourself.

Ilovemysonjj

Ditto.

interrupted

I honestly never thought she would ever steal from me right up until she did. I know it sounds silly but I thought we had something different. I was wrong. As an alternative to constant paranoia and keeping all of my belonging locked up securely offsite I opted to stop inviting thieves into my home.

Kindeyes

Of course you're paranoid. Living with an addict (even when said addict is in recovery) creates a certain level of paranoia. I've misplaced things......and I have to admit that my first thought is whether it was stolen by my son.....even though, in actuality, he hasn't ever stolen anything from me other than a roll of quarters and a lighter for my husband's cigars. When I've found the things I've misplaced....my paranoia is replaced by deep feelings of guilt for allowing myself to blame him.

Paranoia. Blame. Guilt. And a myriad of other things.......

These are the elemental truths of living with addiction. Sad......but true.

gentle hugs
ke

AnvilheadII

the valuables didn't grow legs and walk out on their own. someone with access took them. it's reasonable to suspect the supposed recovering coke addict in the home.

glitterdeva

Since summer my very dear to me grandmothers ring is missing along with a diamond ring and HIS wedding ring is also gone. My AH stole it, of course

Ann

If my son appeared today and told me he was 10 years clean, I would still sleep with my purse under my pillow.

Well actually, I would not, because even clean it would be a long long time before he would be allowed back in the house.

That`s sad to say, but I`m afraid it`s quite true.

Hugs

Zube

Is he clean, or is he sober?

I've never known of an alcoholic, including myself, to steal for booze money. But I have known MANY addicts, including myself, to steal for drug money.

Zube