mry

Hope for the Wife of the Alcoholic: A Guide for Therapists and the Wives They Work With: Larry Wall DCSW: 9781460945537: Amazon.com: Books

This is really well done. It describes normal development of males, differences that occur in alcoholic development, manipulation used by alcoholic husbands, and then treatment of wives in therapy. You can borrow it for free if you have Amazon prime.

My husband's alcoholism started slowly and then overwhelmed me. I didn't educate myself on it while going from crisis to crisis, and I regret that. This forum is such a source of information. Thank you!

Hammer

No have not read it.

Seems to beat "to Wives" in The AA Big Book by a far bit.

Thanks for pointing it out.

I see there are no reviews on Amazon listing. You may want to put a review on the listing.

Thanks, again.

dandylion

mry---I almost ordered it--based on your recommendation--then got scared!

I noticed that it was published in 1978. So, I wondered if it was "dated"?? Do you think so? I know from my own courses that some theories of sexuality have been overhauled in the last 30+ years.

I looked in the "inside the book feature" and stumbled on a an issue that differs from what Steve Harvey has been harping on--a lot. The book says that sex represents love to the male--and, that after he gets it, he is then free enough to have loving feelings towards the female. Because, he then feels good about himself.
Steve Harvey admonishes women not to have sex until she "knows" that the male has developed deeper feelings for her--then she can ring him in with the sex (if she wants, of course). His explanation is that men are so wired to have sex that they will rarely, if ever, turn it down. And, when it is over--it is over. The don't get the flood of oxytocin (bonding hormone) that women get immediately after sex. They don't tend to bond just because they had sex (as women are prone to do). He makes the case that men bond when they "fall in love" (and, want sex all the time)---where as, women bond after sex--and tend to value the QUALITY of the love relationship highly. For women, the desire to have sex parallels the quality of the love relationship.

'm just saying......... Could you let me know if the book is dated? It might be dated in some ways--yet, not in others. Did you learn anything here that you did not find in some of the other often recommended readings?

I'm willing to bet that this post gets some brisk discussion. I hope that no o ne is into shooting messengers, today......LOL.

dandylion

Hammer

The Mars and Venus stuff is . . . pretty shallow . . . yunno.

dandylion

Hammer......I am a little slow, today.....where did the Mars and Venus reference come from?? Splain, please.


dandylion

choublak

I thought the book was about stinking thinking.

Hammer

did not mean it harsh, at all.

Just the gender identity roles stuff.

dandylion

hammer, I did not take it as harsh at all.

But, Hammer, gender and sex roles are central to all of us humans. It is BIG, I tell you...BIG!

Now, if you are talking about the validity of the information, sources, etc......maybe, we can talk.

dandylion

dandylion

Hammer, you had me at recycled plastic boats......

mry

dandylion, the book is somewhat dated, but I didn't find anything obviously off.

Regarding sexuality: the book says that "adolescent males chase girls like dogs chase hubcaps. driven by hormones, they are driven to continuously push boundaries to have sex or at least make out. The subsequent relationship is likely to be short lived because the point was to score." This supports Harvey's view, yes? The difference I think, is that the book suggests that after 3-5 lousy relationships, males "catch on that a good relationship is about more than just sex." Is Harvey's view that the average male never gets past this?

More: "males early in a relationship push for sexual intercourse and then, when it's over, feel loved and in turn, feel free to love the female back, whereas females in the beginning stages of a relationship strive for a feeling of love and connectedness and then after that sense of connectedness is attained, relax and only then desire sexual intercourse as an expression of the relationship."

Here's what I found so interesting about the book - the ties of development and alcoholism. "Males who never figure out that a good relationship involves more than just sex are the main population who become vulnerable to addiction. They psychologically fixate in mid-adolescence."

The second section is certainly all about stinking thinking. The 3rd is about stinking manipulation and brainwashing and the 4th about treatment for the wife in layman's terms.

dandylion

Thanks, mry for this review. Yeah, I think Harvey implies that this is pretty continuous--he is always telling women not to try to catch men with sex because it doesn't work. Oh, well.

Actually, I think the value of the book, for this forum, mostly lies in the discussions of alcoholism and the partners of alcoholics.......right?

Actually, it sounds like it might be a good read. Thanks for the recommendation!!!

dandylion

jacrazz

if I had a dollar for all the "theories" about this subject matter....

dandylion

jacrazz----yeah, I hear 'ya............LOL

dandylion