Noticing Not Noticing
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Noticing Not Noticing
Hi Guys,
Just wanted to share this quickly. There have been some big milestones in my recovery over the past nine months but this one really struck me because I never thought it would happen.
When I first quit drinking, I could not help but notice alcohol everywhere. Of course, I was completely obsessed. It was all I could do not to shut myself up in a room and never leave for fear of being tempted by what I thought was alcohol completely surrounding me and tempting me non-stop.
Then, after a couple of months, that obsession stopped but I still noticed when people were drinking, what they were drinking, how much, etc. I was like the damn booze police. I would monitor, often unconcsiously, the alcohol consumption of those around me (perfect strangers and friends alike) and could tell you within an ounce how much that person had had to drink. "Oh? Mr. Grey Jacket over there? He's had two Jack Daniels on the rocks, a glass of wine, and even though that looks like a regular cappuccino, there's Baileys in it. Oh, and how do I know this? Because not only do I have super-duper powers of observation, I also have the most keen sense of smell when it comes to booze of any member of mankind!"
Naturally, this would draw the "WTF is wrong with you??!!" remarks from friends who were not obsessed with alcohol so I learned to keep these observations to myself.
I noticed lately though, as of about the past month or so, that I don't notice anymore. Like...hardly ever. It snuck up on me gradually and I was only aware that I was not noticing when someone called to my attention at dinner the other night how much a fellow patron had to drink. I hadn't even seen how much he was drinking or how much he was ordering. Hadn't even seen him, really. Then I thought about it and looked around.
Yup, lots of people were drinking.
Nope, it hadn't registered with me even though I am sure glasses of wine and mugs of beer were passing by all night on trays carried by waiters.
AND I no longer look at people who are drinking and want to throttle them for being "normies" and being able to enjoy one (ONE!!) glass of wine with dinner. Nor do I want to steal their DNA, body chemistry, taste buds, etc. Anything that they have that I don't that allows them to drink and me not to...
I am not sure whether this is the AA promises, the fact that after awhile you just stop noticing, a stroke of luck, or whatever. Don't know, don't care.
Maybe it's not forever, maybe it's just for today. But, dear Lord, I thought this day would never come...
Just wanted to share this quickly. There have been some big milestones in my recovery over the past nine months but this one really struck me because I never thought it would happen.
When I first quit drinking, I could not help but notice alcohol everywhere. Of course, I was completely obsessed. It was all I could do not to shut myself up in a room and never leave for fear of being tempted by what I thought was alcohol completely surrounding me and tempting me non-stop.
Then, after a couple of months, that obsession stopped but I still noticed when people were drinking, what they were drinking, how much, etc. I was like the damn booze police. I would monitor, often unconcsiously, the alcohol consumption of those around me (perfect strangers and friends alike) and could tell you within an ounce how much that person had had to drink. "Oh? Mr. Grey Jacket over there? He's had two Jack Daniels on the rocks, a glass of wine, and even though that looks like a regular cappuccino, there's Baileys in it. Oh, and how do I know this? Because not only do I have super-duper powers of observation, I also have the most keen sense of smell when it comes to booze of any member of mankind!"
Naturally, this would draw the "WTF is wrong with you??!!" remarks from friends who were not obsessed with alcohol so I learned to keep these observations to myself.
I noticed lately though, as of about the past month or so, that I don't notice anymore. Like...hardly ever. It snuck up on me gradually and I was only aware that I was not noticing when someone called to my attention at dinner the other night how much a fellow patron had to drink. I hadn't even seen how much he was drinking or how much he was ordering. Hadn't even seen him, really. Then I thought about it and looked around.
Yup, lots of people were drinking.
Nope, it hadn't registered with me even though I am sure glasses of wine and mugs of beer were passing by all night on trays carried by waiters.
AND I no longer look at people who are drinking and want to throttle them for being "normies" and being able to enjoy one (ONE!!) glass of wine with dinner. Nor do I want to steal their DNA, body chemistry, taste buds, etc. Anything that they have that I don't that allows them to drink and me not to...
I am not sure whether this is the AA promises, the fact that after awhile you just stop noticing, a stroke of luck, or whatever. Don't know, don't care.
Maybe it's not forever, maybe it's just for today. But, dear Lord, I thought this day would never come...
Last edited by Ptcapote; 11-16-2013 at 03:18 AM. Reason: Typo
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Great post! And you're totally right!
I noticed that a lot when I quit gambling on sports. At first, I'd still watch the games but I still checked the betting lines before the start: (Cowboys favored by 3 points this game, wonder if they'll cover the spread?)...later down the road, I stopped checking the lines, but the thoughts still were in my head: (Wow, Florida State has scored 42 points this half, I'm guessing that means the Over is going to hit today). Today, I just watch the weekend games, and at halftime I take out the trash and make lunch and call my friends like a normal human being. Anyway, sorry for that personal diatribe, your post just had me thinking and I wanted to put that out there.
In regards to your post, I think it shows great strides. And the fact that you can recognize this progress and process what it means, it shows how seriously you are taking recovery. It's cool.
I noticed that a lot when I quit gambling on sports. At first, I'd still watch the games but I still checked the betting lines before the start: (Cowboys favored by 3 points this game, wonder if they'll cover the spread?)...later down the road, I stopped checking the lines, but the thoughts still were in my head: (Wow, Florida State has scored 42 points this half, I'm guessing that means the Over is going to hit today). Today, I just watch the weekend games, and at halftime I take out the trash and make lunch and call my friends like a normal human being. Anyway, sorry for that personal diatribe, your post just had me thinking and I wanted to put that out there.
In regards to your post, I think it shows great strides. And the fact that you can recognize this progress and process what it means, it shows how seriously you are taking recovery. It's cool.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
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Originally Posted by Ornithology 
Great post. I'm at the alcohol cop stage. Do we get badges?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Posts: 987
BigS: I totally hear you on the gambling analogy. It is nice to be able to enjoy normal things, like sporting events or being out to dinner, like a normal person instead of like an obsessive lunatic.
Ornith/Any: Oh the alcohol police stage...how I do not miss that at all. It came with an awful level of comparing (Well, I wasn't THAT bad) or, worse, criticizing/advice-giving in my head ("No, no, no! If you need another one before the bottle at the table is done---which I always did---make sure to carry those little mini bottles in your purse/pockets...don't sneak over to the damn bar where someone will see you on the way to the bathroom or you'll run into someone you know!").
Or how I would obsessively watch everyone's wine glass and marvel at the fact that people could leave a perfectly good mouthful or two of wine in a glass and leave the table. Like...for good. Just leave it there.
Now, when I notice or it is brought to my attention, I am detached. Or empathetic. Like the guy the other night at the restaurant my friend pointed out to me. Once I noticed him, I saw he was sweating bullets. Watching the others at the table linger (Alcoholics do NOT/ can NOT linger) over a wine bottle for an hour while he was clearly dying. That's when he switched to the hard stuff and things went downhill from there. He had tried hanging on as long as he could, though.
And I knew/remembered exactly how he felt.
Ornith/Any: Oh the alcohol police stage...how I do not miss that at all. It came with an awful level of comparing (Well, I wasn't THAT bad) or, worse, criticizing/advice-giving in my head ("No, no, no! If you need another one before the bottle at the table is done---which I always did---make sure to carry those little mini bottles in your purse/pockets...don't sneak over to the damn bar where someone will see you on the way to the bathroom or you'll run into someone you know!").
Or how I would obsessively watch everyone's wine glass and marvel at the fact that people could leave a perfectly good mouthful or two of wine in a glass and leave the table. Like...for good. Just leave it there.
Now, when I notice or it is brought to my attention, I am detached. Or empathetic. Like the guy the other night at the restaurant my friend pointed out to me. Once I noticed him, I saw he was sweating bullets. Watching the others at the table linger (Alcoholics do NOT/ can NOT linger) over a wine bottle for an hour while he was clearly dying. That's when he switched to the hard stuff and things went downhill from there. He had tried hanging on as long as he could, though.
And I knew/remembered exactly how he felt.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Habits take awhile to fade but they do fade out after prolonged disuse, drinking-related habits are no different. I think persistence is key, to just keep plugging away at this sobriety thing, doing our best to log as many hours off the bottle as we can manage, and after awhile that becomes the normal state of affairs.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I played a wedding last night, and what I noticed was that more people than I ever realized before, at all the previous weddings I've played, were NOT drinking.....just like me. Seems I've been in good company all along.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
wow, great post! congrats on 9 months!
i'm a week or two behind you on sobriety time, and i'm not quite to the not noticing part but i'm thankfully well beyond the alcohol police stage. wow, that was exhausting! i'm at that stage where i'm totally cool with the fact that i'm probably going to be driving a couple of friends home from my buddy's Christmas party. one other alcoholic friend and I are already ready. :-)
another thing I noticed that has lingered: that SUPER-HUMAN Spidey sense of smell with alcohol. been wondering if it's some kind of freaky trait that we alcoholics have. I can smell someone's wine glass from a mile away. and if someone is talking to me: that "people can't smell alcohol from 3 feet away" rule I used to live by is well, bogus!
thankfully, it doesn't bother me, it's just an observation.
thanks for a great post!
i'm a week or two behind you on sobriety time, and i'm not quite to the not noticing part but i'm thankfully well beyond the alcohol police stage. wow, that was exhausting! i'm at that stage where i'm totally cool with the fact that i'm probably going to be driving a couple of friends home from my buddy's Christmas party. one other alcoholic friend and I are already ready. :-)
another thing I noticed that has lingered: that SUPER-HUMAN Spidey sense of smell with alcohol. been wondering if it's some kind of freaky trait that we alcoholics have. I can smell someone's wine glass from a mile away. and if someone is talking to me: that "people can't smell alcohol from 3 feet away" rule I used to live by is well, bogus!
thankfully, it doesn't bother me, it's just an observation.
thanks for a great post!
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