SlickRick07

I posted here a long time ago, when I knew I had a problem. I quit drinking for a few months. I slowly lured myself back into drinking. I convinced myself that I did not have a problem. I started having a mixed drink with 3 shots a couple times a week. Now I am having a mixed drink with 10 shots a couple times a week. I know it is only going to escalate further. I am going to quit completely again now. I am not looking for a lecture, because I know I cannot control it. I am just looking for people that have been there and I'm looking for support. Thank you for your time. I'm tired of feeling like I have a sickness . My friends can drink with no problem. I know I can't and am embarrassed of myself. I wish alcohol did not control me. I'm sorry

Mirage74

Don't be sorry, SlickRick. I've quit drinking, fallen off, sobered up, fallen off a bunch of times. The important thing is that you're taking that step to quit and change your life. Welcome back

SlickRick07

Thanks, I appreciate the kind works. I need them right now. I feel like I have a sickness because I can't stop drinking once I start. Have you ever felt like that? Thank you, just feeling like crap right now.

Dee74

welcome back Rick
have you got a plan?

D

Mizzuno

I am for certain that you will not get a lecture. I have quit, starting drinking, quit, started drinking, and quit again. This roller coaster seems to be par for the course, not for all people, but many. You can get sober and remain sober. This time around, I have 8 months sans alcohol, and I would not trade it for the world. I hope that you will find the support that you need from this forum.

Bella007

I so understand your plight! I drank everyday for 15 years, I am impressed you can space it out over the week I couldn't.
I had IV Neurotransmitter Restoration Therapy & it stopped all my cravings for pills and booze
I highly recommend it.

Mirage74

Yea, I always felt like that when I drank. I would honestly intend to just have a couple, and end up drunk every time. At the end, I quit fighting it and just drank to get drunk. Good news is, it is possible to quit drinking, and you never have to feel that way again. Glad you're here

ScottFromWI

Just about all of us have felt like that Rick. And the sickness most of us have is real...it's a called alcoholism. The good news is you don't have to feel like that ever again if you don't want to.

SlickRick07

I don't have plan. I know I should. I have never been a 24/7 drinker, which I think helped convince myself that I didn't have a problem. I'm slowly starting to drink more and more. And if anyone reads my earlier posts, you will see how it ruined my career in the Air Force. I'm just really sick of myself.

youngcatlady

Same with me, if I had one drink I would have ten. Or as many as I could until it ran out or I passed out. I don't understand how people can only have a couple, I didn't drink for a buzz, I drank to get drunk. To get out of my head.

I think a lot of people here went through that and there's no shame admitting it. The important thing is that you're back and trying. That's all that matters, try and put the past behind you and move forward. Look at this as an opportunity not a failure. You can do it, stay strong.

SlickRick07

Thanks Scott, I guess I just convinced myself that I didn't have a problem again. I've dealt with depression for a long time in my life, and I used drinking as an escape. While I've dealt with the depression issue, I've never been able to tackle the drinking.

InsaneHeart

Hi Slick!

I have 55 days sober now, and in the early days of sobriety I was reading all the recovery stories I could find, watching documentaries on alcoholism and posting on this forum a lot. There is a ton of support here, and I haven't met a judgmental person yet. We're all in the same boat! I know that this forum also made me feel accountable for my sobriety because everyone on here wanted me to succeed and I didn't want to disappoint them, or myself. We are our own worst critic.

Good luck to you, and check out all the resources on here.

Dee74

All the more reason to think about what you're gonna do. Thinking on the fly when you're already in trouble rarely works out well.

I know it's hard - you just want to do it, not think about it...

none of the plan options may look particularly appealing right now, and they all will involve some hard work and dedication.

You'll also need to look back and try anf figure out why you keep going back to drinking.

Thats not fun either but I think it's vital to know your problem - that way you can pick the best option for dealing with it.

D

SlickRick07

You are right. I need to confront the reason I went back to drinking, to make sure it doesn't happen again. Ultimately, I am responsible for picking up and taking that first sip. I need to find out why I do that, and what I can do to stay out of those situations.

EndGameNYC

Your request suggests that a part of you is extremely self-critical each time you drink to excess, and that there isn't a substantial part of you that gives you support for wanting to live differently.

The thing to do is to stop, but this rarely goes any further than making a decision if we don't have a plan, which involves either treatment or a program of recovery.

Your internal battles -- your lectures -- present a formidable obstacle against your efforts to get sober. Lose the hammer and find a better way to get help.

Mizzuno

Alcoholism is very tricky, and when left untreated it will destroy so much in a persons life. I had to learn my lesson with alcohol in a real hard way. I am grateful to be where I am today, but the lesson was extremely difficult to deal with. Moderate drinking or drinking "normally" will never take place with an alcoholic. I read your story. I hope that you stay here for awhile and let this forum support you. Make a plan, and know that having a plan is a very good thing. Giving up alcohol was one of the best decisions that I have made.

Mags1

Hi SlickRick I always convinced myself I didn't have a problem and could drink like a 'normal' person. Any excuse in my head I used to drink, it's a great day, I've had a bad day, someone upset me, someone made me happy, let's celebrate. I was a pathetic mess inside.
It just gets worse and worse, with more lies to myself and my husband.
I've been sober nearly 4 months and I want to make it 4 years 44 years, I can't be a prisoner to that 'home wrecking, poisonous, personality changing liquid' that I actually pay for, no more.
We parted, the drink and I and I have no intention of having it back, even with all it's pleadings, in my head, fancy adverts thrown at me for Christmas on tv, I know it's a slippery snake wrapped in fancy paper, ready to try to ruin my life.
I don't love but loathe it, what it does to me, fast forward to me flaked out with yet too much booze down me neck.
Nope, I won't judge you, or reprimand you, just show you that you aren't on your own on this. If I can turn my back on the booze, I'm sure anyone can ( I was such a weak person, fell in its trap daily) . This could be the day when you kick it out, for good!