SoberForMySon

Most of my amends I feel I need to make we're from before I drank, and drinking had nothing to do with the hurt I caused. Do I still do them? I can see it helping me come to peace. Thanks.

UncleMeat69

Many amends are derived from our 4th. Step inventory. A good 4th. should
include many fears and resentments prior to and including our drinking years.
The BB says we do our 8th. Step when we do our 4th. That is where my list
came from.

wiscsober

A resounding Yes. But remember, it is best to get guidance about how and when you do them.

LadyinBC

I don't see why not. One guy in my step meeting is always telling us about amends he makes to people just becasue he thinks he wronged them in the past. Gives him peace of mind.

HonestlyTrying

If you have worked the previous 7 steps honestly and to the best of your ability, you will know who needs to be on your 8th step list. When I hear people say they did no wrong while drinking, I suppose it is possible. Ask some family members for a reality check.

whiskeyjoe

While doing my 4th, an old employer came up that I had major resentments against. I work in a professional environment. While working for this person I came to find out that he was engaging in activities that would put my license at risk. I paid a lot more in taxes because he never put me on payroll and I had to declare myself as self-employed. There was a few other things as well, but you get the idea.

I decided not to report him to the state board and the IRS because in my mind that was revenge. I just wanted to get away from him and start over. I covered my butt by making sure all my I's were dotted and my T's were crossed and I left.

The resentments were really eating me up, so when it came time to do a 4th I put him on there. Doing my 8th, my sponsor suggested putting him on there to make amends to. When I asked him why I was the one making amends he said it had more to do with letting go fully of the resentment thus cleaning up my side of the street. He suggested calling him to thank him for giving me a job as a show of gratitude.

I don't know. This doesn't seem like it fits in with a 9th step. I thought a 9th step was about cleaning up the wreckage of our past by correcting the things I did wrong to others.

Does this sound like a good idea to you?

HonestlyTrying

You know, if you look at the things you are resentful ABOUT, write them down, and examine them closely, it might help make more clear how making "amends" to him will ultimately help YOU heal.
Maybe you were forced to be dishonest and it did something to you. Making amends to someone like this is a way to help yourself. Your resentments hurt him not one bit. They hurt you a great deal. You will find the answer.

whiskeyjoe

Thanks. I'll go over it again and try to look at this from a fresh perspective.

I made a mistake putting my post in this thread. I'm going to move it to a new one.

FlyerFan

Anything on your conscience that is bothering you is a good idea to get out of there.

2bHelpful

The amends process includes all harms we did to others, whether drinking-related or not.

Since our drinking problem is only a symptom of our spiritual illness, we have to treat the cause which includes all harm done.

Boleo

Somethings I found helpful when making amends;

1. I don't make amends to individuals - I make amends to the Universe.

2. I don't pay people back with my money - I pay them back with their money.

3. I don't expect people to forgive me or even like what I have done - I do it just to clean off my side of the street.

4. Success or failure is not mine to pocket.