Scared That I'm Next
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
Scared That I'm Next
Today they are burying my ex-husband's first wife. He did the same things to her and she got to the point that she could not take this man anymore so she walked away from the marriage, her teenage daughter and all assets. She ended up homeless with no health insurance and I found out yesterday she died & this morning was her burial service. They are burying her in my plot (my husband at the time, her ex husband forged my name to my burial plot & sold it to his daughter to bury his ex wife in it). Am I next?
During my marriage with him he told horrible lies about her to her own daughter & the daughter did not speak to her. And he told horrible lies to my son and my son no longer speaks to me. He cheated, drank, gambled, used porn, brought prostitutes into our house. I am now divorced and finding myself on the same path as his first wife. Although not homeless I am now battling an illness that was the reason my husband said he wanted a divorce from me (possible breast cancer). I am now without health insurance and no resources in my state or area for help. Two weeks ago, his lies cost me my job also, so now no income. I am so scared now that I heard about her death wondering if now it is my turn to die because of what this man has done to 2 women now. He is on to #3 and telling her lies about his first 2 wives.
Is there ever an end to how long these A's can keep telling these lies, destroying lives before those around them finally hear the truth? I am in such pain today watching this play out and I am helpless to change anything. I sit here now going back and forth from severe rage to severe depression. For the last 2 years I fought back to all that he did to me after the divorce: lies, stealing, calling my banks & telling them I was deceased, breaking into my property & I can never prove it was him. He got away with all of this.
At some point is it okay to just quit trying? That's where I am at right now--my strength to fight back to protect my life is gone. I am out of hope. I so need some sign right now that people start to see this man for what he is and correct what they did to me based on the lies from him that they believed.
During my marriage with him he told horrible lies about her to her own daughter & the daughter did not speak to her. And he told horrible lies to my son and my son no longer speaks to me. He cheated, drank, gambled, used porn, brought prostitutes into our house. I am now divorced and finding myself on the same path as his first wife. Although not homeless I am now battling an illness that was the reason my husband said he wanted a divorce from me (possible breast cancer). I am now without health insurance and no resources in my state or area for help. Two weeks ago, his lies cost me my job also, so now no income. I am so scared now that I heard about her death wondering if now it is my turn to die because of what this man has done to 2 women now. He is on to #3 and telling her lies about his first 2 wives.
Is there ever an end to how long these A's can keep telling these lies, destroying lives before those around them finally hear the truth? I am in such pain today watching this play out and I am helpless to change anything. I sit here now going back and forth from severe rage to severe depression. For the last 2 years I fought back to all that he did to me after the divorce: lies, stealing, calling my banks & telling them I was deceased, breaking into my property & I can never prove it was him. He got away with all of this.
At some point is it okay to just quit trying? That's where I am at right now--my strength to fight back to protect my life is gone. I am out of hope. I so need some sign right now that people start to see this man for what he is and correct what they did to me based on the lies from him that they believed.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Hello Flicka,
I don't know a lot about it, but doesn't the new gov't health insurance plans cover all pre-existing conditions? I'm pretty sure it does. I don't know the costs, but I suggest you visit the site which is supposedly up and running now after issues.
I'm confused, do you have breast cancer or possibly have it?
Cysts run in my family and several women have had them removed, all benign.
Please don't write yourself a death certificate. I saw my best friend through her double mastectomy and she is fine 5 years out!
I think you are experiencing a lot of stress. Getting him off your mind and your life and what you can control back, would be so good for you, it seems to me.
I know it is difficult when in tough situations to face the death of another and start thinking only with dread...don't let yourself do this. You may have many years left and many bright and beautiful years too.
Can you forget about him just for today and call up someone close that you love instead? A friend? A family member?
There's always hope...it is there when we go looking for it...find it in those that you love and love you...
I don't know a lot about it, but doesn't the new gov't health insurance plans cover all pre-existing conditions? I'm pretty sure it does. I don't know the costs, but I suggest you visit the site which is supposedly up and running now after issues.
I'm confused, do you have breast cancer or possibly have it?
Cysts run in my family and several women have had them removed, all benign.
Please don't write yourself a death certificate. I saw my best friend through her double mastectomy and she is fine 5 years out!
I think you are experiencing a lot of stress. Getting him off your mind and your life and what you can control back, would be so good for you, it seems to me.
I know it is difficult when in tough situations to face the death of another and start thinking only with dread...don't let yourself do this. You may have many years left and many bright and beautiful years too.
Can you forget about him just for today and call up someone close that you love instead? A friend? A family member?
There's always hope...it is there when we go looking for it...find it in those that you love and love you...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I think Blue is right, I had a client in the office yesterday talking about how she had just finished the application process for the new gov't plans & she has a history of cancer as well.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but don't give up! Nothing is ever written in stone and every single day we have the opportunity for things to be better.
Sending you big, fat ((((((HUGS))))))
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but don't give up! Nothing is ever written in stone and every single day we have the opportunity for things to be better.
Sending you big, fat ((((((HUGS))))))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
No you DON'T.
You don't give up, my friend.
Chin up. Deep breaths. You will get through this.
You are divorced from him, yes? I forget -- do you have children together? If not, how about selling everything and moving. To another state. Get on the Greyhound bus with a suitcase and start a new life. In Alaska it's $500 to change your name. A women's shelter might even be able to help you with how to transition to go into hiding from him when the courts won't protect you.
Also look into what's required to qualify for Medicaid.
You don't give up, my friend.
Chin up. Deep breaths. You will get through this.
You are divorced from him, yes? I forget -- do you have children together? If not, how about selling everything and moving. To another state. Get on the Greyhound bus with a suitcase and start a new life. In Alaska it's $500 to change your name. A women's shelter might even be able to help you with how to transition to go into hiding from him when the courts won't protect you.
Also look into what's required to qualify for Medicaid.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
The new plans will cover pre-existing conditions, the problem is affordability. Those making less than 200% of the poverty level are not eligible for subsidies on the exchange because they should qualify for expanded medicare. The sticky part is that the states do not have to opt to expand medicaid. So far, 25 states & DC have opted to expand medicaid, 21 states opted not to, & the remaining 4 are still deciding. For those citizens in the states that opt out of medicaid expansion, anyone between 100-200% of poverty level does not qualify for medicaid since it wasn't expanded (state ruling), but also does not qualify for subsidies on the exchange because they are suppose to qualify for medicaid under the federal guidelines. If the OP is in one of those states at that income level, she will be too poor for subsidies but not poor enough for medicaid.
Flicka, if you are in the situation I described above, have you considered moving to a state that did expand medicaid? Of course, now that you're unemployed, you could check again to see if you qualify for subsidies (depending on whether/how much you receive from unemployment.)
Flicka, if you are in the situation I described above, have you considered moving to a state that did expand medicaid? Of course, now that you're unemployed, you could check again to see if you qualify for subsidies (depending on whether/how much you receive from unemployment.)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by JustAGirl1971 
The new plans will cover pre-existing conditions, the problem is affordability. Those making less than 200% of the poverty level are not eligible for subsidies on the exchange because they should qualify for expanded medicare. The sticky part is that the states do not have to opt to expand medicaid. So far, 25 states & DC have opted to expand medicaid, 21 states opted not to, & the remaining 4 are still deciding. For those citizens in the states that opt out of medicaid expansion, anyone between 100-200% of poverty level does not qualify for medicaid since it wasn't expanded (state ruling), but also does not qualify for subsidies on the exchange because they are suppose to qualify for medicaid under the federal guidelines. If the OP is in one of those states at that income level, she will be too poor for subsidies but not poor enough for medicaid.
Flicka, if you are in the situation I described above, have you considered moving to a state that did expand medicaid? Of course, now that you're unemployed, you could check again to see if you qualify for subsidies (depending on whether/how much you receive from unemployment.)
Flicka, if you are in the situation I described above, have you considered moving to a state that did expand medicaid? Of course, now that you're unemployed, you could check again to see if you qualify for subsidies (depending on whether/how much you receive from unemployment.)
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
O Flicka....I don't have an answer, this health insurance mess is the worst. What I will say is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in all of this. Go out in your community, educate yourself as much as possible. Talk to free and reduced cost clinics, they are usually a wealth of information. Don't give up...
We are gently holding your hand and will not stop. Keep posting!
Hugs!!!
We are gently holding your hand and will not stop. Keep posting!
Hugs!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
I am so sorry you are in this situation. The lies are so so awful and that people will believe such things about you is yet worse. Liars can be much more believable because they are calm, and put the innocent in a defensive posture. The injustice is despicable. We are good people so it should follow that good things ( or at least not horrible things) should happen for us. Instead, the villain comes off easy.
I wish I understood less about where you are coming from. You sound really tired. I hope you can get a respite and call in some helping troops to give you the support and rest you deserve!
I wish I understood less about where you are coming from. You sound really tired. I hope you can get a respite and call in some helping troops to give you the support and rest you deserve!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
Thank you all for cheering me up.
Yep the healthcare is a mess. My state never allowed insurance to deny coverage but the price for me is more than I make & they demand a $25,000 deductible before they pay anything. But now with no income I can get those subsidies maybe in 6 months but with no income I will lose my home to foreclosure. So I sold it or so I thought & now between the new state rules, county, & city rules I practically have to rebuild the house in order to sell it because not up to new FEMA codes & Environmental codes for well & septic--Fees so far $30,000 & climbing before I can get to closing--so I'm walking. After fighting for the house in the divorce because that was the only equity he had not wiped out--it has become a white elephant.
My health is my biggest problem because I call it the disease of leprosy--once you tell people what you have, you watch their faces drop and they all walk away. Every single person except my mother has bailed on me. Here's why. In 2009 they found a lump in my neck they thought was cancerous, husband started divorce, turns out no cancer. Husband stops divorce. In 2010 they found unusual calcification clusters in breast. Husband starts divorce again telling me he cannot stay married to someone who might lose their breast. Turns out nothing serious. Then another scan on my neck to make sure that one is not returning and the boom hits--tumor in my brain. (Okay, I can't see your faces but I know what's in your mind). Husband starts divorce, I know my insurance through him will disappear after divorce, so surgery out of the picture if I'm soon to lose my insurance. i opt for a new form of radiation therapy to deaden the tumor and just hope for the best. Divorce goes through this time & husband tells his family about my tumor & his sister works for same company as me and she spills the beans to the company. Owners find out about my tumor & I am told I am a liability and they try to find a reason to fire me for the last two years--they succeeded because they made my life a living hell there so I resigned--I could not stand the ugly comments coming from his sister & others. Now guess what? Steroids I was on for swelling of the brain shortly after radiation now known to cause the 3 tumors I have now in both breasts & no health insurance & unlikely to be able to find another job. My options are dwindling down & tomorrow will be the last time I can access the internet for awhile due to the move--This is why I feel exAH was on a vindictive path to destroy me & I think his first wife and so that's why I keep thinking-oh Lord I'm next if something doesn't change soon. Sorry to be so long but might as well tell the complete story and finally get it off my chest. I just keep hoping that the 3 tumors in breasts are non-canerous & will stay that way until I can get insurance to have them removed. But one good thing--tumor in brain has shrunk 50%, damage to my optic nerve subsiding & my vision returning. Only residual affects are damage to my vocal cords, facial skin, scalp & hair. Thanks for listening.
Yep the healthcare is a mess. My state never allowed insurance to deny coverage but the price for me is more than I make & they demand a $25,000 deductible before they pay anything. But now with no income I can get those subsidies maybe in 6 months but with no income I will lose my home to foreclosure. So I sold it or so I thought & now between the new state rules, county, & city rules I practically have to rebuild the house in order to sell it because not up to new FEMA codes & Environmental codes for well & septic--Fees so far $30,000 & climbing before I can get to closing--so I'm walking. After fighting for the house in the divorce because that was the only equity he had not wiped out--it has become a white elephant.
My health is my biggest problem because I call it the disease of leprosy--once you tell people what you have, you watch their faces drop and they all walk away. Every single person except my mother has bailed on me. Here's why. In 2009 they found a lump in my neck they thought was cancerous, husband started divorce, turns out no cancer. Husband stops divorce. In 2010 they found unusual calcification clusters in breast. Husband starts divorce again telling me he cannot stay married to someone who might lose their breast. Turns out nothing serious. Then another scan on my neck to make sure that one is not returning and the boom hits--tumor in my brain. (Okay, I can't see your faces but I know what's in your mind). Husband starts divorce, I know my insurance through him will disappear after divorce, so surgery out of the picture if I'm soon to lose my insurance. i opt for a new form of radiation therapy to deaden the tumor and just hope for the best. Divorce goes through this time & husband tells his family about my tumor & his sister works for same company as me and she spills the beans to the company. Owners find out about my tumor & I am told I am a liability and they try to find a reason to fire me for the last two years--they succeeded because they made my life a living hell there so I resigned--I could not stand the ugly comments coming from his sister & others. Now guess what? Steroids I was on for swelling of the brain shortly after radiation now known to cause the 3 tumors I have now in both breasts & no health insurance & unlikely to be able to find another job. My options are dwindling down & tomorrow will be the last time I can access the internet for awhile due to the move--This is why I feel exAH was on a vindictive path to destroy me & I think his first wife and so that's why I keep thinking-oh Lord I'm next if something doesn't change soon. Sorry to be so long but might as well tell the complete story and finally get it off my chest. I just keep hoping that the 3 tumors in breasts are non-canerous & will stay that way until I can get insurance to have them removed. But one good thing--tumor in brain has shrunk 50%, damage to my optic nerve subsiding & my vision returning. Only residual affects are damage to my vocal cords, facial skin, scalp & hair. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Oh, Flicka. I'm sending you some epic hugs this morning! Wow, what a b@stard your husband was! I have to believe your life will get easier to manage without him yanking you around all of the time anymore. I know things seem completely terrible and overwhelming right now, but life does have a habit of unexpectedly changing - sometimes better, sometimes worse. Sounds like you are due for some better soon. I think you could help that along by gathering a better support system around. Everybody walked away from you when you got ill? I guess they weren't healthy either. That's about them, not you. You deserve better, and you can get better. Don't give up.
We are always here for you.
Fathom
We are always here for you.
Fathom
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Flicka, you can go to most public libraries and get on the internet for no charge. We want to see you here, and be your support! Even if you can't get on the internet, always remember that you are here in our hearts, and we will pray for you and root for you until you win these battles. You will never be alone.
Now is the time to go to every resource available in your town/area and see who can do what for you. Try the hospitals. Many of them have budgets for charitable care if you have no resources yourself. It is a part of their mandate if they are non-profit hospitals. So go to all of them that can potentially provide you with the care you need.
Call your Congressman's office, state and national. Tell them your story and tell them you need help. With healthcare in the news at this point, they will want to help you solve this, from either political point of view.
Go to every abused women's organization, the Salvation Army. Go to the pastors of all the local churches. There will be someone there, if you ask enough people.
It is time to detach from this -I shouldn't say this, but I can't think of any other words - blood sucking leech. You do not need any negativity in your life. You do not need any of the people who believe his lies.
Find a pro bono lawyer and go for a settlement from your prior company for setting you up with harassment so bad that it forced you to resign.
There are people out there who hate this kind of abuse and will use there powerful skills on your behalf to support you and right some of these wrongs.
Having said that, it is time for you to see yourself as an island of sanity in this tidal wave of insanity and cruelty that has swept over you. It will recede. You will survive, and eventually, ultimately, you will thrive.
Turn to your higher power, and ask for help. I don't know where you live, but I do know that people, good people, compassionate and caring people, will come out of the woodwork to help you if you call for them.
ShootingStar1
Now is the time to go to every resource available in your town/area and see who can do what for you. Try the hospitals. Many of them have budgets for charitable care if you have no resources yourself. It is a part of their mandate if they are non-profit hospitals. So go to all of them that can potentially provide you with the care you need.
Call your Congressman's office, state and national. Tell them your story and tell them you need help. With healthcare in the news at this point, they will want to help you solve this, from either political point of view.
Go to every abused women's organization, the Salvation Army. Go to the pastors of all the local churches. There will be someone there, if you ask enough people.
It is time to detach from this -I shouldn't say this, but I can't think of any other words - blood sucking leech. You do not need any negativity in your life. You do not need any of the people who believe his lies.
Find a pro bono lawyer and go for a settlement from your prior company for setting you up with harassment so bad that it forced you to resign.
There are people out there who hate this kind of abuse and will use there powerful skills on your behalf to support you and right some of these wrongs.
Having said that, it is time for you to see yourself as an island of sanity in this tidal wave of insanity and cruelty that has swept over you. It will recede. You will survive, and eventually, ultimately, you will thrive.
Turn to your higher power, and ask for help. I don't know where you live, but I do know that people, good people, compassionate and caring people, will come out of the woodwork to help you if you call for them.
ShootingStar1
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