Raider

No relapse of yet. 34 days sober.

Ahh but I don't like this. I'm an emotional mess, up down up down. Anxiety, irritation, anger, no patience, headaches, not sleeping, loss of appetite, blah. No interest in anything. Still going to meetings, have a sponsor, went to my first formal aftercare today. Next AA meeting tomorrow at noon.

Why am I so unhappy? Crap. Cravings are so powerful. Obsessing in my mind about drinking. If I wasn't in Alaska with family, I would have picked up by now.

Ack!!!!!

suki44883

Early recovery is hard. It's very hard. This is where the rubber meets the road. Keep doing the next right thing and do not drink no matter what! You'll get past this stage if you keep plugging along. The only way to the other side is through, so keep going through this. The cravings will lessen the longer you deny them. Don't give up!

Dee74

Like Suki said, early recovery is rough Raider.

You;re doing AA have a sponsor and you have 30 days. Those are all good things.

Give it time...try and be patient...things really do get better

D

Tamerua

Just keep going to meetings, calling your sponsor and don't pick up a drink. This is normal and it will pass. And I have to say, raider, I don't think I posted in your threads before but I read them. I am so happy to see you back and making it 34 days!!! That's incredible! Keep up the great work.

sugarbear1

untreated alcoholism isn't fun. try working those steps and reaching out to others who are suffering......

Raider

My AV doesn't remember why we quit drinking?

least

Early days and weeks are a roller coaster of feelings and ailments but it will pass. Good for you for not drinking for 34 days! Keep on going, it will get better.

Hevyn

I felt the same way. Very emotional, almost as if someone had died. I do believe we go through many phases as we heal. I was sorry for myself for a couple of months - as well as all the things you mentioned.

I know telling you it's normal isn't much comfort - but we've all been where you are now, and we promise it will get easier. I'd never have made it if that weren't true. Hold on tight to your precious sobriety, knowing that brighter days lie ahead. I'm glad you posted about your feelings - remember you are never alone.

Leana

Raider- Hang in there. I wish I had something better to say. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. Day 34- did you ever think you'd get this far? Probably not- so think about what you've accomplished so far. Good luck.

alphaomega

Awe, buddy. I'm battling tonight as well.

Do a little research on "kindling". That's keeping me on the straight and narrow. For tonight.

Be well dear one.

PS - your title scared the bejesus out of me by the way. I was worried you had gone there...

JaylaaKent

I'm in my 3rd month without alcohol - and I have huge emotional swings - sometime I love meeting - so glad I'm doing this. Other times I'm resentful like "Why do I have to take TIME out of my DAY to do this crap while other people go shopping, watch tv whatever they want to do?" Maybe I am not really an alcoholic? Then I go back to the first part of remembering where I was - how I swore I'd never drink again. Just have to seriously look at the past drinking years and recall all the crap - I too have a hard time focusing on reading, watching t.v - definitely that restless and irritable. Doing physical things (cleaning, walking around the mall, taking the dog for a walk) are easier for me to conquer than mentally taxing things (reading, needlepoint, lectures). I have got better - and the down periods are shorter and fewer - so it will get better I guess is the only positive thing I have to offer. I highly suggest the Living Sober Book - talks about what you are dealing with. You are doing well - I've read some of your posts over the month. Congrats.

suki44883

The AV didn't quit drinking, YOU did. The AV isn't you. It just wants you to drink. Shout it down whenever it pops up. Separate yourself from the AV. You can do this.

dreamr

I'm sure you know this, but I'll remind you. Not a single one of those symptoms will be remedied by alcohol. Quite the opposite. Hang in there!

Uninvited

Your av will never admit it knows why you quit drinking. It is the enemy.

Olive1

Hi Raider,
Please don't give up on all the hard work you have been doing for the last 34 days! And you know it has been hard work!
I don't mean to be a downer, but I was a miserable wreck for quite a while when I finally quit. At the time I got out of rehab I had 5 weeks of sobriety....35 days. I was terrified and sad and lonely and resentful and confused and exhausted and overwhelmed. And sad. Very, very sad.
But I knew that if I gave up those 35 days, then I would probably never climb back out of the next hole. I held onto those days, and to each subsequent sober day that I added.
It is okay to be miserable for now. It will get better. It will eventually get better.
Please hold on.

sillysuzanfree

Here's part of a post of yours from before you went to rehab...this is just one of many reasons why you quit!

"Well last night was a very bad night indeed. When I drink heavily, I have these fits in bed where I scream all kinds of obscenitie, throw myself out of bed, I have knocked over furniture, gave myself numerous black eyes, and I don't remember a thing."


I hope this helps...congratulations on 34 days!

jdooner

I find calling your sponsor more often and hearing the absurdity of the thoughts out loud helped me in the early days

GirlFromCO

You're doing great. It's perfectly normal to have all of those feelings, sometimes all at once even. Any day you go through all that and still don't pick up you have a victory. You should be proud of yourself, Raider. You're doing it.

Kaneda8888

Raider, just hang in there. Dont focus on the past or future. Simply focus on now, ie, the present. Become mindful of your senses. All you need to do is stay sober now.

Its good that you posted rather than keeping it bottled up. Getting it out is much better for you !

Stay connected and stay strong

SeaScape

Hang in there. I know your battle is very hard. Have faith in the future and your recovery so far.