Charliee

Lately I just feel invisible and not very important to many people. Thinking it must just be how I am perceiving things, but I gotta figure out how to move past it without drinking. Suggestions?!?!?!

soberhawk

I am sorry you feel like that.

Received

How would drinking make you feel less invisible?

Charliee

Well I probably wouldn't care as much...

Received

Well you're not invisible and if that's you in your avatar your quite a beautiful young woman.

Let me ask you this. Would you rather feel all that self-loathing, anxiety, fear and hell you went through when you were drinking?

I know for me, I'd rather BE invisible then to ever feel as awful as I did when I was drinking.

Dee74

I think the main thing is to recognise and acknowledge your own importance Charliee.

We can't change other people, but I think we can change the vibe we give off - if you really believe that you're worthy of attention and respect, I think you'll find, more often that not, thats reflected back

D

Charliee

Thank you Received, I never want to feel the way I did when I was drinking ever again. My problem right now is I don't want to feel anything, I just want to tune out for awhile and the best I can get is a few hours of sleep to achieve some of that. I am sure tomorrow will be better, it usually is. I appreciate your input, it helps bring things back into the right light.

Received

I give you permission not to feel anything right now. Sometimes we have to give those darn emotions a rest, ya know? Put them in a corner for time out.

Don't drink. It's not an option. Get some rest and know you are okay.

EndGameNYC

It takes time and hard work to find our voice, to grow into ourselves when we get sober. While drinking, it's very easy to confuse attention -- wanted or otherwise -- with genuine love and affection.

Attention screams; love whispers.

Charliee

You guys always make me feel better

DoubleBarrel

You are certainly not alone. I went to a party for my son the other day, school related. No one spoke to me for an hour and a half, and when my son was done with his friends, we left.

I definitely felt alone and invisible. Then again, I was very antisocial in the years before, so it's just reaping what I've sown.

Things change, but sometimes it's slow and painful. Hang in there.

tgirl

I don't think that you are unimportant, I think that the people around you have learned to trust you not to fall back into your old ways again, so take it as a HUGE compliment.
Stick with your winning recipe!

instant

Charliee- I came to the conclusion that my emotions were suspect- they promoted drinking- it wasn't until I was six months sober that I came to believe that my emotional life was previously in the service of my addiction- I think getting alcohol out of the system and things working normally again takes time. I am now 2.5 years sober I am amazed at how much more functional I can be in a range of situations and my ability to tolerate uncomfortable situations is much better. Hang in there!!

jdooner

Charlee, sobriety and recovery are two different things that are not mutually exclusive. You can't get to the second without the first but achieving the first does not guarantee the second. You may be transitioning from the first to the second, which is causing this aimless feeling of invisibility.

Have you thought about therapy to understand why you drank? For me it had very little to do with the booze and much more about the escape from trauma in my childhood, insecurity and a broken spirit. I also think many confuse religion and spirituality, which to me are two very different things.

I have found the following two books helpful: The Realm of Hungry Ghosts and The Power of Now. Service can also provide a sense of purpose.

You live in perhaps the most beautiful part of this Country of ours. I lived in Teton Village for a ski season and loved it. For me getting in touch with nature helped provide a sense of peace before my disease over took me in the subsequent 15 yrs.

EndGameNYC

If you want to make meaningful connections, make yourself genuinely curious about other people, and then act on it.

Imagine your attitude and your feelings when someone expresses curiosity about you. You're allowing those same feelings to surface when you express curiosity about someone else. And when you become curious about yourself, you open the doors to living a more fulfilling life.

There are few gifts in life that pay so many dividends so reliably and so abundantly as a fine and vibrant curiosity. So many of us avoid this because we're so married to our thoughts and opinions that we become enslaved to them rather than allowing ourselves to be the people we can be. Surrendering our narrow world view is a threat to our self esteem and akin to annihilating ourselves. And that's a shame.

"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." - Albert Einstein

Threshold

Glad you posted here. Clearly we see you, like you, want you around and respond. Hope those affirmations work.

I sometimes feel like you describe above. I sometimes feel like I am disappearing, not just invisible to others, but even losing myself.

When that happens listening to loud music and singing often helps ground me and bring me back to myself. When I need a "tune out" for awhile from feelings. Just for a little break, not to make them go away forever or not deal with life, I will watch a funny movie. 90 minutes of down time.

Often just breaking the spiral of "stinking thinking" helps. Because I can take a passing mood, latch onto it, nourish it with every painful memory and future fear I can bring to mind, and get stuck in it SO deeply that all sense of perspective gets lost.

Learning to catch myself going down the road to nowhere good and turning it around has been a great tool in recovery.

Recently heard this useful metaphor. Thoughts/feelings are like dogs walking down a street. We see them and we can choose to sit and watch them pass, or we can follow them and see where they go. If we follow we have to choose which dog to follow...and we can choose a happy dog, or an unhappy dog..foaming at the mouth, growling, showing it's teeth. It's up to us.

That's kept me out of a LOT of trouble the past few weeks.

DoubleDragons

I LOVE that metaphor. Thank you!!

22NGONE

I'd rather be invisible and have my self respect then seen by everyone and have none. I've seen your posts on here and if you are helping someone else, even in a small way... you are far from invisible. Thanks for helping me today by sharing.