Nervous Breakdown
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Nervous Breakdown
I feel like I have no future. I read online that alcohol use can make thoughts about hopelessness more prominent. There was a video that sad alcohol can intensify emotions. Tonight I talked to my dad and he didn't seem to understand that I felt like I could not go on with school up here alone, I told him I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. All I want to do is have a life of my own, but every day I wake up is like living in a nightmare. I can't clean or do stuff around my place, all I want to do is lie in bed but I cannot sleep. Next week is my last week of school until a break and I have so much to do. At least I have four days without alcohol. School takes up too much space in my life (grad school) and I wish I could figure out how to love myself. I'm walking around crying for no reason and I keep eating, maybe I need to go into a hospital. I hate myself and I feel so ashamed about my inability to quit drinking. I don't know what to do. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: auckland
Posts: 313
Hiya. Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. Honestly alcohol is a depressant. You wont feel better while your still doing it. I was on antidepressants and drinking at the same time and was recently told because alcohol is a depressant I might as well have been taking nothin 
is there anyone else you can talk to? Even a Dr?
is there anyone else you can talk to? Even a Dr?
SeaScape
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: California
Posts: 313
You have 4 days! That's great. It's an investment in yourself! Please trust that alcohol will not make you feel better now. Try to do only what you must get done for school so that you can feel less stress. It helps me to make a to-do list.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I wanted to go into a treatment program but my dad said that was dumb and I should just bite the bullet and finish school. If I can write a long paper this week I can close up some assignments and grade all day tomorrow. I'm too busy to go to AA meetings. I just wish I wasn't a damn alcoholic. Whenever I drink I do not stop until I am blackout drunk.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
all I know is you have to do something different Ach - this cycle must be exhausting for you.
You mention if you got into trouble again you might need to do something more drastic recovery wise...I dunno what drastic is for you, but man - I think a little more than what you're doing is called for?
this is your life - you need to fight for it.
D
You mention if you got into trouble again you might need to do something more drastic recovery wise...I dunno what drastic is for you, but man - I think a little more than what you're doing is called for?
this is your life - you need to fight for it.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I'm out of money so I can't go to a doctor. I get paid again in two weeks. My father is the only member of my family who I talk to, I just wish I had a person on the phone I could call. I have to get out to a meeting and say to hell with school.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Acheleus 
I'm out of money so I can't go to a doctor. I get paid again in two weeks. My father is the only member of my family who I talk to, I just wish I had a person on the phone I could call. I have to get out to a meeting and say to hell with school.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
No I haven't been going to meetings. I am in grad school, i have no time to do anything else. I teach, take classes, write thesis, grade papers, and I feel overwhelmed and scared all the time. I just need to make myself get on a normal sleep schedule. School is killing me, and alcohol too.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Acheleus
No I haven't been going to meetings. I am in grad school, i have no time to do anything else. I teach, take classes, write thesis, grade papers, and I feel overwhelmed and scared all the time. I just need to make myself get on a normal sleep schedule. School is killing me, and alcohol too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Acheleus did I misunderstand? I thought you had decided to go home and get rehab?
I'm with Scott, you need a break to get a handle on recovery and that means you need a break from college. Can you go home to your father, go to some meetings and maybe tutor final year high school students for some income?
I'm with Scott, you need a break to get a handle on recovery and that means you need a break from college. Can you go home to your father, go to some meetings and maybe tutor final year high school students for some income?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 392
I am sorry to hear that you are suffering Ach. But you must believe that you are capable of doing it since you took your father's advice. Just get to it, one hour at a time, you can stay sober and do the work that needs to be done. Don't forget to rest and eat ice cream if that is what you want. You are a capable, intelligent, and emotionally strong adult. You can do this, I believe in you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
Concur with all that you can do it and you are not alone. If rehab is not possible for you I think you would benefit from setting aside an hour to attend an A.A. meeting. One hour should not be that hard to make up for and I think you'll find that you feel much better afterwards.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
Everything that I put in front of my sobriety I lost. I SOOO wish I would have taken a break from grad school to address my addiction.
I don't know how, but I managed to finish school and start a job. In the end, I lost that job and that career. It is what it is and my life is great today, but hindsight is 20/20.
Glad you are here.
I don't know how, but I managed to finish school and start a job. In the end, I lost that job and that career. It is what it is and my life is great today, but hindsight is 20/20.
Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Ach, I am sorry you are suffering again. I agree that you need to prioritize your sobriety and yourself. Get to a meeting. It is one hour that will help you and you won't regret it.
I am praying for you, Ach. Hang in there. You can do it.
I am praying for you, Ach. Hang in there. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Others have mentioned this on this thread but let me be more blunt at the risk of being cold.
You will have nothing if you continue to drink. This is a progressive disease that will rob you of everything you have including your life. So by not making it a priority you are just wasting time with everything else, grad school, job, papers, relationships.
We all have stress and s busy life but if you are an alcoholic and from your posts it looks like you are you will loose everything it just comes down to when you realize this. I am not sure how candid you have been with you father but maybe opening up and explaining this to him might help, so you can have some immediate support.
The benefit in my opinion in early recovery of AA or any other program that offers a sponsor is just that a sponsor. Someone else in person you can be accountable to that understands how you think. A non alcoholic does not and will never understand this disease. They think its a matter of willpower and you should just "toughen up" sort of like telling someone with terminal cancer to just be tough and skip the radiation you can will it away. Does not work that way.
I have been reading your posts for months now and you are not changing the variables but hoping for different results. You have to take the first step and make a change put sobriety on the top of the list - if not nothing is going to change for you and everything you are doing is basically a waste of time bc it will all be taken.
You will have nothing if you continue to drink. This is a progressive disease that will rob you of everything you have including your life. So by not making it a priority you are just wasting time with everything else, grad school, job, papers, relationships.
We all have stress and s busy life but if you are an alcoholic and from your posts it looks like you are you will loose everything it just comes down to when you realize this. I am not sure how candid you have been with you father but maybe opening up and explaining this to him might help, so you can have some immediate support.
The benefit in my opinion in early recovery of AA or any other program that offers a sponsor is just that a sponsor. Someone else in person you can be accountable to that understands how you think. A non alcoholic does not and will never understand this disease. They think its a matter of willpower and you should just "toughen up" sort of like telling someone with terminal cancer to just be tough and skip the radiation you can will it away. Does not work that way.
I have been reading your posts for months now and you are not changing the variables but hoping for different results. You have to take the first step and make a change put sobriety on the top of the list - if not nothing is going to change for you and everything you are doing is basically a waste of time bc it will all be taken.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
i know exactly how you feel. even in sobriety i can get those same feeling.
Please walk into a meeting just one time.
Take one hour out of your busy life.
If you dont go all the schooling is for nothing anyway.
Collapse into a meeting and someone will help you
Please walk into a meeting just one time.
Take one hour out of your busy life.
If you dont go all the schooling is for nothing anyway.
Collapse into a meeting and someone will help you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
i can relate.. many of us can.
the pressure of the daily life is so hard sometimes. many days i just want to say f*ck it ... and just move away or run away from all this pressure. i constantly feel it. i rarely have a day of complete peace.
i used to "run away" by drinking. by turning to drugs or whatever.
on those especially hard days the desire is overwhelming.
through trial and error i've learned that escaping in the way that's harmful to you and others is unacceptable.
and all problems that seem insurmountable at times, have a way strange way of dissolving and working out one way or another.
the dilemma is that drinking will make you feel better, by creating a little fake peace in your life. it will also kill you slowly. mentally and physically.
associating yourself with the events that happen in your life is a dangerous thing. you cannot control the amount of work and pressure thrown at you. you can, however, control your reaction.
if you become the victim your attitude will only allow negative to happen.
but how to remain positive in the midst of all this? i can't just sit idly and do nothing?
do as much as you can. (30 min, 1hr).. and stop. and take time for yourself.
start and start often.
burning your energy by worrying makes you less productive and apathetic.
go for a walk instead. exercise!
i'm still learning all this, so sorry for the rant. but these basics work (good nutrition, healthy lifestyle) we just have to get really good at the basic stuff that we have forgotten. we can then evolve to be the best.
alcohol will only keep us down. it's a fact.
the pressure of the daily life is so hard sometimes. many days i just want to say f*ck it ... and just move away or run away from all this pressure. i constantly feel it. i rarely have a day of complete peace.
i used to "run away" by drinking. by turning to drugs or whatever.
on those especially hard days the desire is overwhelming.
through trial and error i've learned that escaping in the way that's harmful to you and others is unacceptable.
and all problems that seem insurmountable at times, have a way strange way of dissolving and working out one way or another.
the dilemma is that drinking will make you feel better, by creating a little fake peace in your life. it will also kill you slowly. mentally and physically.
associating yourself with the events that happen in your life is a dangerous thing. you cannot control the amount of work and pressure thrown at you. you can, however, control your reaction.
if you become the victim your attitude will only allow negative to happen.
but how to remain positive in the midst of all this? i can't just sit idly and do nothing?
do as much as you can. (30 min, 1hr).. and stop. and take time for yourself.
start and start often.
burning your energy by worrying makes you less productive and apathetic.
go for a walk instead. exercise!
i'm still learning all this, so sorry for the rant. but these basics work (good nutrition, healthy lifestyle) we just have to get really good at the basic stuff that we have forgotten. we can then evolve to be the best.
alcohol will only keep us down. it's a fact.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Acheleus
maybe I need to go into a hospital.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
Originally Posted by Acheleus
No I haven't been going to meetings. I am in grad school, i have no time to do anything else. I teach, take classes, write thesis, grade papers, and I feel overwhelmed and scared all the time. I just need to make myself get on a normal sleep schedule. School is killing me, and alcohol too.
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