Victoria74

Did what I have read here a thousand times not to do. I was supposed to have one glass of wine to celebrate good thing happening at work. Ended up with 8 glasses. Feeling awful. Had ten great days and now back to square one...
Looking back a month or more I have had repeated relapses, but they come further apart, 10 days is my record this year...maybe it at least is somehow going in the right direction.. One thing I noticed during my 10 sober days is that my relationships changed. With the kids everything is better but with my boyfriend I feel strange, very alone and easily annoyed. I think this was also why I drank, to get rid of this strange feeling. Is it common in early sobriety that you get strange feelings? As I was often drunk (the last year or so, not from day one..) when hanging out with my BF I guess I need to learn again to be with him sober.

dreamr

My emotions are all over the place every time I quit drinking. And I'm twice as irritable. Your feelings balance out over time, but it takes a while. I'm not very close to my husband in the early days, but I know the longer I stick with it, the better our relationship will be.

Toffee1

Just a quick question. Why did you have to have a glass of wine to celebrate a good thing at work? Was this just an excuse for you to drink? I also drank when things were going well, I thought I deserved it. I am beginning to realise that this was a tactic of my AV, quite a good tactic as it turned out!! Now when things are going well I try to reward myself in other ways or just take in the general feeling of things going to plan. I hope that makes sense! It has helped me to break that relationship that exists between celebration and alcohol. What are your thoughts?

Victoria74

It was of course an excuse to drink.. All my adult life celebrating was always with alcohol. I too need to find other ways of rewarding myself. Sobriety and feeling great is a reward in itself. I never want to feel like this again. Maybe thats my lewsson from this relapse, needto find healthy ways of celebrating...

ScottFromWI

Sobriety is an entirely different way of life for an alcoholic. Quitting drinking is merely a small part of it. The hardest part is learning how to celebrate, grieve, and basically go about your entire life without alcohol. And yes, it's very common to feel strange and have odd feelings in the first days. At 10 days you may have not even completely finished with the initial acute withdrawal period, so your body does all kinds of weird things - your brain too.

What sort of things have you done to stay sober..any of the formal recovery methods? Your continued cycle of relapses suggests that perhaps you aren't doing enough. Whatever you choose, it will only work if you commit to it 100%

zeppodog

My wife and I have both sworn a new life of sobriety, we love each other and want the best for each other. I think we kind of fed each others bad drinking habits. I really don't want to go to AA but she's insisting we do. For many people moderation just does not work. good luck

Toffee1

Sobriety and feeling great is a reward in itself.

Never a truer sentence was written. Well said.
I reward myself with chocolate. I know this is an old trick but it works! I still think I need a reward for a hard job well done and this alcohol substitute seems to satisfy my need . I am so glad that you are able to take something positive from your setback and that you can take this with you moving forward.

Victoria74

I think I tried too hard in a way. I tried to excersise a lot and eat really healthy cutting down on sugar. I was too hard on myself, trying to make my life perfect. This time I will focus on the sobriety and eat whatever I like and give myself a break. I feel really bad about my weight but going on a diet AND quitting drinking just doesn´t work for me.
As for formal recovery methods I have not tried AA. Maybe I should. I have been reading a lot here and tried to work out a plan. In the beginning I thought moderation would be possible but am realizing that drinking just isn´t for me. And I am not scared about the "never drink again"-concept as I was in the beginning. I just feel relief when I think about a life in sobriety. Now I just have to remember this every single day and realize every situation I face, weather it is a celebration or a difficult time, they can be handled in other ways without alcohol.

ScottFromWI

AA would be worth at try for sure if you never have. There are self-paced methods ( AVRT, etc ) you can try on your own.

Regarding facing drinking situations, some find that avoiding them completely for the first couple months helps a lot. I feel comfortable being around drinking at restaurants, family gatherings etc, but i still avoid situations where drinking is the main event.

dreamr

I've been trying to eat healthy too, but as soon as I get the urge to eat something unhealthy, I follow it, because now is not the time for me to feel deprived. Do what you feel like doing, only exercise if it makes you feel better. All the healthy habits in the world won't save your life if you don't stop drinking.

It took me a while to accept the "never again" idea, but it really is the only way for me, and for anyone who has tried to control their drinking and failed time after time.

Victoria74

Dreamr, very well said, I need to quit the drinking, it will kill me before chocolate does... As for the exrcise I find that it helps, it kills time and makes me feel great. But my running will not improve if I get wasted every now and then.

dreamr

I ran for the first time today since my last bender (I'm on day 4), and it did feel great. I didn't go as long as I wanted to though, the drinking definitely affects performance (in all areas of life). You can do this, it's a hard choice to make, but once you've made that choice, you've won half the battle.

Correy

Ditto every word.

Several years ago I was in the same pattern of "continued cycle of relapses." Than I realized I'm full of it for I wasn't in a pattern of quitting drinking and than relapsing. Nope, I simply kept drinking, with a longer pauses in between two episodes or binges... and was deceiving myself.

Victoria74

Correy, what made you come to that realization? I think it is the same for me. And I hate it.

Correy

That's it!! In my life of endless attempts to quit I used to start my "new life" by trying to learn several new languages simultaneously, exercise with a plan to look like Brad Pitt at least, make my million $$ back in a month or so, get myself elected a new Pope, you got it.

Do I have to say how fast I relapsed for I did not reach my goals soon enough

See, how easy this could be

Good luck!

Victoria74

Hmm, actually my relapse came the same day I weighed myself after a week of diet and had gained weight.....

Yes, it sounds very easy. It irritates me to be addicted, I am a control freak, but with alcohol I loose control. Proably another reason I have a problem..

Correy

Just before my relapse (I'm on my sober day #46 now) I had a very difficult outcome of a year filled with immense amount of work and new and seemingly real love. The guy I was working with screwed me for money and my girlfriend left me because I'm poor and that outcome with a business venture rendered my situation too precarious for her to share.

So I resented her and hated him.

Than, after an extensive analysis of their respective behavior I said to myself, OK - screw them, nothing more to ponder, let me evaluate myself and my own behavior.

And what I've "discovered"? While I can honestly say I did nothing wrong business wise and relationship wise, I used six (6) opportunities when I was alone to get drunk. So I had 27 days sober, 55 days sober, 35 days sober, stuff like that - I never exposed her to my drinking or my hungover and I never failed in any business task I had, but I realized that I was, in fact, full of it!!

They both knew my alcoholic past and they both knew I do not drink anymore. While I wasn't lying to her about those six episodes I did not disclose them to him. The outcome described, I used as an excuse to "relapse" and drink as hell, may have been partially influenced by my emotional states, the same I honestly, seriously wasn't able to detect and / or recognize (even now).

But, the bottom line is - I realized my pattern of "relapsing" as one fat, big lie. I never REALLY quit so I could say I "relapsed", nope, I was just taking long pauses, believing I can drink from time to time.

Well, I can't.

zeppodog

I've gone through the same thing trying to drink in moderation, it just won't work for a lot of folks. good luck in sobriety

Correy

See, you're smart enough to be able to pinpoint a probable cause of the "problem". Drinking is always just -- "just" he says -- an outward manifestation of whatever is buried deep down in ourselves.

C.G. Jung believed we fear of what the unconscious may reveal (he also deemed all the panic terrors have the same cause) so I am to guess, it is cozy to hide ourselves behind the warm feeling booze provides. Unless one day, sooner rather than latter, it turns against us and rules us.

EndGameNYC

Perfectionism is, among much else, an excuse to fail, and being in control belies our wish to lose control.

The mind has thousands of ways to trick itself; many of us are adept at expanding this total.