tyrocks

My BF just went into in inpatient on Sunday. His parents and I just found out that he had resorted to heroin, we knew that he had been addicted to pills but were all unaware of how far it had gotten. His mom found it in his car and bedroom and he told me on the phone last night. I am now really struggling with the idea of him coming home and staying in this relationship. I had heard so many horror stories of an abusive significant other and I want to hear a true success story. That there are addicts out there in a healthy relationship. I'm struggling to think that this is out there? If anyone is in a relationship with an addict can you share an uplifting story?

SilentLove

I'm sorry to hear about your bf. we are all on the same boat pretty much. :/

AnvilheadII

we cannot predict your future. he's been in treatment 4 days now. that's very little time. how HIS recovery goes is up to him. if he is life or death serious, he will make the most of this chance and hang on to recovery like a dying man. that will mean lots of meetings, aftercare, changing every drug related person place and thing about his life. and he may not be able to handle a relationship for quite some time.

quitting isn't the hard part. STAYING QUIT IS.

KariSue

Every once in a while, I'd like to hear a success story also. I wish a few people would come along and help us out. Especially today. It has been a rough morning for me.

Hugs, Kari

KeepinItReal

My husbands drug of choice is/was heroin/oxi ..... same thing.

He maintains sobriety for 6 month clips. Maintaining sobriety is difficult. Wanting to stop and quit is a huge hurddle he got over. Many do not think their drug use is a problem. Society or life is.

I'm a success story bc either way... if my husband lives through this or not I will be ok. I am in control of my life. I just happen to choose to be with someone who suffers with addiction. He always will.... but there is always hope he stays quit.

I choose to be ok weather he is or not. At somepoint the roller coaster stops .... but you and I have the choice to get off or stay on.

tyrocks

Thanks for that! I am realizing that this is also my journey that I am in control of, but I am having trouble accepting that. I am still trying to wrap my head around focusing on me and letting myself realize that this is HIS journey with addiction and not mine and I can't control it. I want to just lock him up and try to protect him from the dangers of the world - but I know I can't. I am terrified for his life. I am hoping that focusing on me and staying busy will allow me to realize my own self worth and my get bogged down and clouded with his addiction.

Leana

My daughter is on day 71 today, to me that is a amazing!

KariSue

My son was evaluated and told he was a binger. He can go for periods (once a year) but then when something stressful comes up he will binge.

It is like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop....ugh.

Kari

Tinks65

There are AA and NA meetings across the country and in most meetings you will find people with many years of recovery. When things get rough I remind myself that addicts get clean every day! Addicts stay clean every day! Too often though when an addict gets clean and stays clean they move on with their lives and so do their loved ones. I'm so thankful for the ones who continue to carry the message of recovery to others. Sadly I think that more addicts do this than codependents.

I attend a weekly NarAnon meeting and there are quite a few who quit coming when their addict finds recovery or sometimes when they get locked up. The chaos of their life is over or at a stand still so they don't come anymore. I go whether my addict is clean or not because I want to be there for any mom who walks in as broken as I was when I first went. To testify to the fact that you can have a life, serenity, laughter and a sense of self empowerment in the midst of this awful disease. There is great comfort in looking into the eyes of someone who has walked in your shoes and survived and even thrived.

tyrocks

This is truly inspiring. I have been researching NarAnon meetings and I plan to go this week. Thank you.

MIRecovery

I am one of them. Drank and drugged 30 years. 4+ years sober. My wife and I are in love with each other once again. Off to an AA meeting in half an hour

tyrocks

Congrats!!! Sending my love xo

zoso77

Not everyone who gets romantically involved with an addict has a "happy ending". Most of us don't.

For what it's worth, here's my suggestion to you so that no matter what happens with you and your ABF, you will be OK.

Read as many of the posts here as you can. Go to plenty of Al Anon and/or Nar Anon meetings. Educate yourself as to what exactly you're up against. And once all that is in place, work on detaching with love from his life. By that I do not mean leave him. What I do mean is you can still live the life you want to live whether he's in it or not. If the bottom falls out from under you, you can still land on your feet if your prepared.

My "uplifting" story happened after my Borderline AXGF hit the road. I wrote it myself. Things turned out quite well.

Make sure you get to write your own story, too, whether you're with him or not.

ZoSo

allforcnm

There are MANY people who are in recovery and have healthy relationships. People recover from substances every day. You wont find as many of those stories on the friends and family forum... I think because most people tend to post when they are in the midst of a traumatic event, or trying to recover from a breakup. (just my opinion). My husband has been in recovery for 1.5 years now. His primary drug was opiate based pain meds (various kinds) along with Xanax and cocaine. He did a 90 day rehab, and still uses therapy for his continued maintenance. Like another poster mentioned stress and pent up feelings can be pre-cursors to relapse, so I think he will always have to stay on top of his emotions. My husband didn't use NA, and I never participated in Al Anon, but I did work with a therapist & she helped me SO much.

I suggest you read up on addiction; places like National Institute of Drug Abuse, Partnership for Drug Free America to learn about addiction. It is a chronic medical issue; so relapse can happen. Its not failure. Being with someone who has an addiction is a choice. I feel it comes with a set of responsibilities - to ourselves. To always be strong, independent, able to take care of ourselves and our children. But honestly, I think all women should strive for this in any relationship.

I made a choice to stay with my husband. He is a wonderful man, a great father to our two year old....and he has this medical condition - addiction - that could resurface one day.

KariSue

It is nice to hear your story. I hope someday it will be ours with our son who has the addiction. After a bad night last night my husband and I decided to see an addiction counselor for US. We could use help navigating this mess.

The 12 step method just doesn't resonate with me. I tried a few NarAnon meetings but just felt worse hearing all the incredibly sad stories because most had worse problems than ours. Obviously we wouldn't care which method my son would use if he would just use one. But for us, we'd rather do individual counseling. I'm glad to hear it is working for you and your husband.

I can see where the OP is coming from. Sometimes one just thinks "Does anyone ever have a success story for encouragement?

I agree that most come here when there is a problem but when things are good they don't. That might be me. Lol!

Kari

Tinks65

just a note on meetings ... sometimes you have to try a few different meetings to find where you fit. I first went to an ALAnon meeting close to my neighborhood. This particular meeting was combined with ALateen. Not a good idea. I was one of two newcomers and in a very sad, dark place. The other woman who was new was also in much pain judging by what she shared.

During the meeting the teens were cutting up and laughing, not paying much attention when others would share. I left that meeting feeling every bit as alone as I did when I came in. I had absolutely no desire to return. I went on to find the meeting I now attend. I have met several others who also attended the Alanon/ Alateen meeting and had a similar experience to me.

A couple of weeks ago our meeting celebrated it's thirty year anniversary! We have a core group who attend faithfully. There are those who's loved ones are drug addicts and some who's loved ones are alcoholics. Mom's, dad's, spouses, siblings, and a few who's parent is the addict. We do a step meeting on the first of each month and for the other weeks we take turns leading. Whoever is leading usually picks a topic and has corresponding readings to spark discussion. Last week I led and my topic was detachment. There are times though when we don't even get to the topic at hand. We will usually ask if there is anyone with a burden or joy they would like to share and sometimes that will spark discussion all on its own.

A friend of mine and I have discussed trying to start another meeting. People's schedules are so hectic these days and it would be good to have other options for those who for whatever reason can't make our meeting. My group has been such a blessing to me. I have a strong desire to carry the message of recovery to others and to help start other groups that will hopefully be as successful as ours.