Charming and Dangerous
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Charming and Dangerous
Psychopaths and Love
Psychopaths and love are a dangerous and disastrous combination. Spot the red flags of a psychopath to avoid the serious harm they will inevitably bring to you and your life.
He is incredibly charming. This charm causes you — his target — to focus intensely on him. It is very pleasing to the mind and senses, and it disables your personal boundaries and your self-protective behavior (just when you need them most). It induces a trance — a pleasant, relaxed and focused state of mind where you are open to suggestion. You will find yourself wanting to be back in the focus of his potent charm again and again. A warm, engaging smile and intense eye contact are present along with humorous and flirtatious banter or flattery. This superhuman charm is often one of the first and ONLY red flags of a psychopath, and it is exactly what makes it hard to walk away.
He is very much at ease; he has a demeanor of being anxiety-free and without any social awkwardness. Absolutely comfortable in his/her own skin. He’s not necessarily attention-grabbing or the life of the party, but he is very socially skilled. May come across as unassuming and soft-spoken while still maintaining an air of confidence and presence.
He’s a glib, smooth talker. Never runs out of amusing anecdotes, and can make the most mundane topics seem interesting and entertaining. He does most of the talking most of the time.The purpose of this is to relax you and make you comfortable with him.
He will quickly divulge personal details and stories about his past and his life. This will create a sense of intimacy that causes you to reciprocate with details about your own life, which he will use to his advantage later.
Fun-loving and fun to be with. Playful.
He claims to be a happy, easy going person. He may tell you nothing gets him down, and since he has no conscience and no fear, it’s probably true.
He’s a very active person who is always on the go. He needs a lot of stimulation and can’t tolerate boredom, so he can’t stand being alone or sitting still. Easily bored, but never boring.
You feel very special in his presence and feel that he’s very special, fascinating and unique, and not like anyone you’ve known before.
You find yourself becoming deeply enamored with him very quickly, and you seek his attention and contact.
He looks at you in a way no man has before; he keeps his eyes locked on yours and gives you his complete attention. It feels flattering and seductive.
You have become intensely physically attracted to him, more than you have ever felt with anyone else.
If you meet at some sort of a group setting, such as a dance class, he will give you the bulk of his time and attention.
After luring you, he’ll hook you with “love-bombing,” or showering you with attention and affection. You’ll go on frequent romantic dates and spend a lot of time together. You’ll get plenty of phone calls, emails and text messages. He’ll be kind, considerate and complimentary. You may feel truly “appreciated” by a man for the first time in your life. It’s all positive reinforcement all the time at this stage. You will not feel neglected in any way at this point. Although things may seem unusually intense, it will just convince you that this is the best relationship you’ve ever had and that he is your perfect partner.
He’ll divulge his “true” feelings for you very quickly, telling you he loves you and has never experienced such love and attraction before or that he never thought he’d fall in love again. He’ll tell you that the relationship feels magical, which it does to you, too, and he’ll probably tell you you’re soul mates. You will feel that you’ve never experienced a love like this before. You may have only known him for a month or two, but you’re certain you’ll be together forever. Believing someone is your soul mate is, unfortunately, one of the biggest red flags of the psychopath, since they’re able to mirror your needs and desires perfectly. They create the persona (or mask) of your perfect mate, but it’s all an illusion.
If you’ve gotten this far, the psychopath has created the strong bond (the psychopathic bond) that is the necessary foundation for the manipulation and abuse that follows. Although it appears the psychopath is in love with you and you’re experiencing the most romantic time of your life, this isn’t the case at all. Psychopaths are incapable of feeling love, and the only thing they want you for is self-gratification.
So how can you tell the difference? You probably won’t be able to unless you’ve experienced it before. The best things you can do are these:
Take any new relationship slowly, especially an intense one. Control the pace, as opposed to letting the other person control it. Be leery of someone who gets serious quickly. There is no rush. Time is the only thing that will reveal a person’s true character.
Know your personal boundaries, and be aware of a person who is able to make you disregard those boundaries, even if you believe you’re the one doing it. If you don’t have boundaries, don’t start any new relationships until you get clear on what yours are, and make the decision to firmly enforce them. Psychopaths will push your boundaries as a “test” to see what they can get away with and to lower your defenses.
Know yourself well. If you don’t, a psychopath will know you better than you know yourself..which sets you up for trouble. Find out what runs you, process traumas from your past and identify your deepest fears, desires and needs.This is one of the best defenses.
Make someone earn your trust…but remember that just because someone’s earned it doesn’t mean he should keep it. Being trustworthy is an ongoing thing. Keep in mind that con men are masters at gaining your trust — that’s why they’re so effective.
Know what you want and need from a relationship, and don’t settle for anything less. If you do find yourself settling for less, you’ll know something’s definitely wrong.
Delay sex because once you have it, your neurochemistry will shift and you will feel deeper attraction, a craving for your partner and more investment in the relationship.These feelings are due to changes in your neurochemistry that can’t be controlled. Pacing and slowing down lets you keep control and make clear-headed decisions.
© 2012 – 2013 ‘Psychopaths and Love’ All Rights Reserved
Psychopaths and love are a dangerous and disastrous combination. Spot the red flags of a psychopath to avoid the serious harm they will inevitably bring to you and your life.
He is incredibly charming. This charm causes you — his target — to focus intensely on him. It is very pleasing to the mind and senses, and it disables your personal boundaries and your self-protective behavior (just when you need them most). It induces a trance — a pleasant, relaxed and focused state of mind where you are open to suggestion. You will find yourself wanting to be back in the focus of his potent charm again and again. A warm, engaging smile and intense eye contact are present along with humorous and flirtatious banter or flattery. This superhuman charm is often one of the first and ONLY red flags of a psychopath, and it is exactly what makes it hard to walk away.
He is very much at ease; he has a demeanor of being anxiety-free and without any social awkwardness. Absolutely comfortable in his/her own skin. He’s not necessarily attention-grabbing or the life of the party, but he is very socially skilled. May come across as unassuming and soft-spoken while still maintaining an air of confidence and presence.
He’s a glib, smooth talker. Never runs out of amusing anecdotes, and can make the most mundane topics seem interesting and entertaining. He does most of the talking most of the time.The purpose of this is to relax you and make you comfortable with him.
He will quickly divulge personal details and stories about his past and his life. This will create a sense of intimacy that causes you to reciprocate with details about your own life, which he will use to his advantage later.
Fun-loving and fun to be with. Playful.
He claims to be a happy, easy going person. He may tell you nothing gets him down, and since he has no conscience and no fear, it’s probably true.
He’s a very active person who is always on the go. He needs a lot of stimulation and can’t tolerate boredom, so he can’t stand being alone or sitting still. Easily bored, but never boring.
You feel very special in his presence and feel that he’s very special, fascinating and unique, and not like anyone you’ve known before.
You find yourself becoming deeply enamored with him very quickly, and you seek his attention and contact.
He looks at you in a way no man has before; he keeps his eyes locked on yours and gives you his complete attention. It feels flattering and seductive.
You have become intensely physically attracted to him, more than you have ever felt with anyone else.
If you meet at some sort of a group setting, such as a dance class, he will give you the bulk of his time and attention.
After luring you, he’ll hook you with “love-bombing,” or showering you with attention and affection. You’ll go on frequent romantic dates and spend a lot of time together. You’ll get plenty of phone calls, emails and text messages. He’ll be kind, considerate and complimentary. You may feel truly “appreciated” by a man for the first time in your life. It’s all positive reinforcement all the time at this stage. You will not feel neglected in any way at this point. Although things may seem unusually intense, it will just convince you that this is the best relationship you’ve ever had and that he is your perfect partner.
He’ll divulge his “true” feelings for you very quickly, telling you he loves you and has never experienced such love and attraction before or that he never thought he’d fall in love again. He’ll tell you that the relationship feels magical, which it does to you, too, and he’ll probably tell you you’re soul mates. You will feel that you’ve never experienced a love like this before. You may have only known him for a month or two, but you’re certain you’ll be together forever. Believing someone is your soul mate is, unfortunately, one of the biggest red flags of the psychopath, since they’re able to mirror your needs and desires perfectly. They create the persona (or mask) of your perfect mate, but it’s all an illusion.
If you’ve gotten this far, the psychopath has created the strong bond (the psychopathic bond) that is the necessary foundation for the manipulation and abuse that follows. Although it appears the psychopath is in love with you and you’re experiencing the most romantic time of your life, this isn’t the case at all. Psychopaths are incapable of feeling love, and the only thing they want you for is self-gratification.
So how can you tell the difference? You probably won’t be able to unless you’ve experienced it before. The best things you can do are these:
Take any new relationship slowly, especially an intense one. Control the pace, as opposed to letting the other person control it. Be leery of someone who gets serious quickly. There is no rush. Time is the only thing that will reveal a person’s true character.
Know your personal boundaries, and be aware of a person who is able to make you disregard those boundaries, even if you believe you’re the one doing it. If you don’t have boundaries, don’t start any new relationships until you get clear on what yours are, and make the decision to firmly enforce them. Psychopaths will push your boundaries as a “test” to see what they can get away with and to lower your defenses.
Know yourself well. If you don’t, a psychopath will know you better than you know yourself..which sets you up for trouble. Find out what runs you, process traumas from your past and identify your deepest fears, desires and needs.This is one of the best defenses.
Make someone earn your trust…but remember that just because someone’s earned it doesn’t mean he should keep it. Being trustworthy is an ongoing thing. Keep in mind that con men are masters at gaining your trust — that’s why they’re so effective.
Know what you want and need from a relationship, and don’t settle for anything less. If you do find yourself settling for less, you’ll know something’s definitely wrong.
Delay sex because once you have it, your neurochemistry will shift and you will feel deeper attraction, a craving for your partner and more investment in the relationship.These feelings are due to changes in your neurochemistry that can’t be controlled. Pacing and slowing down lets you keep control and make clear-headed decisions.
© 2012 – 2013 ‘Psychopaths and Love’ All Rights Reserved
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Thanks Anvilhead for posting this!
Maybe my Stbxah is a psychopath. He fits an awful lot of the description above.
At the same time, I always held part of myself away from him. Sure, he was beautiful, brilliant and yet unassuming. And almost everyone in my life thought he was just fabulous.
Almost too much so. This was part of the problem from the start. I had some major reservations that really was my higher power telling me 'now Pippi, you know something isn't right.' But I had almost no reason to believe myself. So already I started the relationship questioning my gut, cause no one around me seemed to think anything was amiss. But deep down, I knew.
Now the truth is revealing itself, very slowly, and I can see what I knew all along and so can a select few other good folk.
We all should start life believing in our own little (colossal) inner voice. Maybe that's the best we can teach our children.
Maybe my Stbxah is a psychopath. He fits an awful lot of the description above.
At the same time, I always held part of myself away from him. Sure, he was beautiful, brilliant and yet unassuming. And almost everyone in my life thought he was just fabulous.
Almost too much so. This was part of the problem from the start. I had some major reservations that really was my higher power telling me 'now Pippi, you know something isn't right.' But I had almost no reason to believe myself. So already I started the relationship questioning my gut, cause no one around me seemed to think anything was amiss. But deep down, I knew.
Now the truth is revealing itself, very slowly, and I can see what I knew all along and so can a select few other good folk.
We all should start life believing in our own little (colossal) inner voice. Maybe that's the best we can teach our children.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
I have a friend who is dating someone like this right now. She's a recovering A and is totally smitten by him--"he's the best thing that ever happened to me"--and can't see how pathological he looks from the outside. (He's also getting divorced from an "evil"-according to him--wife). So hard to watch people get sucked in.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
Psychopaths and Love
Psychopaths and love are a dangerous and disastrous combination. Spot the red flags of a psychopath to avoid the serious harm they will inevitably bring to you and your life.
He is incredibly charming. This charm causes you — his target — to focus intensely on him. It is very pleasing to the mind and senses, and it disables your personal boundaries and your self-protective behavior (just when you need them most). It induces a trance — a pleasant, relaxed and focused state of mind where you are open to suggestion. You will find yourself wanting to be back in the focus of his potent charm again and again. A warm, engaging smile and intense eye contact are present along with humorous and flirtatious banter or flattery. This superhuman charm is often one of the first and ONLY red flags of a psychopath, and it is exactly what makes it hard to walk away.
He is very much at ease; he has a demeanor of being anxiety-free and without any social awkwardness. Absolutely comfortable in his/her own skin. He’s not necessarily attention-grabbing or the life of the party, but he is very socially skilled. May come across as unassuming and soft-spoken while still maintaining an air of confidence and presence.
He’s a glib, smooth talker. Never runs out of amusing anecdotes, and can make the most mundane topics seem interesting and entertaining. He does most of the talking most of the time.The purpose of this is to relax you and make you comfortable with him.
He will quickly divulge personal details and stories about his past and his life. This will create a sense of intimacy that causes you to reciprocate with details about your own life, which he will use to his advantage later.
Fun-loving and fun to be with. Playful.
He claims to be a happy, easy going person. He may tell you nothing gets him down, and since he has no conscience and no fear, it’s probably true.
He’s a very active person who is always on the go. He needs a lot of stimulation and can’t tolerate boredom, so he can’t stand being alone or sitting still. Easily bored, but never boring.
You feel very special in his presence and feel that he’s very special, fascinating and unique, and not like anyone you’ve known before.
You find yourself becoming deeply enamored with him very quickly, and you seek his attention and contact.
He looks at you in a way no man has before; he keeps his eyes locked on yours and gives you his complete attention. It feels flattering and seductive.
You have become intensely physically attracted to him, more than you have ever felt with anyone else.
If you meet at some sort of a group setting, such as a dance class, he will give you the bulk of his time and attention.
After luring you, he’ll hook you with “love-bombing,” or showering you with attention and affection. You’ll go on frequent romantic dates and spend a lot of time together. You’ll get plenty of phone calls, emails and text messages. He’ll be kind, considerate and complimentary. You may feel truly “appreciated” by a man for the first time in your life. It’s all positive reinforcement all the time at this stage. You will not feel neglected in any way at this point. Although things may seem unusually intense, it will just convince you that this is the best relationship you’ve ever had and that he is your perfect partner.
He’ll divulge his “true” feelings for you very quickly, telling you he loves you and has never experienced such love and attraction before or that he never thought he’d fall in love again. He’ll tell you that the relationship feels magical, which it does to you, too, and he’ll probably tell you you’re soul mates. You will feel that you’ve never experienced a love like this before. You may have only known him for a month or two, but you’re certain you’ll be together forever. Believing someone is your soul mate is, unfortunately, one of the biggest red flags of the psychopath, since they’re able to mirror your needs and desires perfectly. They create the persona (or mask) of your perfect mate, but it’s all an illusion.
If you’ve gotten this far, the psychopath has created the strong bond (the psychopathic bond) that is the necessary foundation for the manipulation and abuse that follows. Although it appears the psychopath is in love with you and you’re experiencing the most romantic time of your life, this isn’t the case at all. Psychopaths are incapable of feeling love, and the only thing they want you for is self-gratification.
So how can you tell the difference? You probably won’t be able to unless you’ve experienced it before. The best things you can do are these:
Take any new relationship slowly, especially an intense one. Control the pace, as opposed to letting the other person control it. Be leery of someone who gets serious quickly. There is no rush. Time is the only thing that will reveal a person’s true character.
Know your personal boundaries, and be aware of a person who is able to make you disregard those boundaries, even if you believe you’re the one doing it. If you don’t have boundaries, don’t start any new relationships until you get clear on what yours are, and make the decision to firmly enforce them. Psychopaths will push your boundaries as a “test” to see what they can get away with and to lower your defenses.
Know yourself well. If you don’t, a psychopath will know you better than you know yourself..which sets you up for trouble. Find out what runs you, process traumas from your past and identify your deepest fears, desires and needs.This is one of the best defenses.
Make someone earn your trust…but remember that just because someone’s earned it doesn’t mean he should keep it. Being trustworthy is an ongoing thing. Keep in mind that con men are masters at gaining your trust — that’s why they’re so effective.
Know what you want and need from a relationship, and don’t settle for anything less. If you do find yourself settling for less, you’ll know something’s definitely wrong.
Delay sex because once you have it, your neurochemistry will shift and you will feel deeper attraction, a craving for your partner and more investment in the relationship.These feelings are due to changes in your neurochemistry that can’t be controlled. Pacing and slowing down lets you keep control and make clear-headed decisions.
© 2012 – 2013 ‘Psychopaths and Love’ All Rights Reserved
Psychopaths and love are a dangerous and disastrous combination. Spot the red flags of a psychopath to avoid the serious harm they will inevitably bring to you and your life.
He is incredibly charming. This charm causes you — his target — to focus intensely on him. It is very pleasing to the mind and senses, and it disables your personal boundaries and your self-protective behavior (just when you need them most). It induces a trance — a pleasant, relaxed and focused state of mind where you are open to suggestion. You will find yourself wanting to be back in the focus of his potent charm again and again. A warm, engaging smile and intense eye contact are present along with humorous and flirtatious banter or flattery. This superhuman charm is often one of the first and ONLY red flags of a psychopath, and it is exactly what makes it hard to walk away.
He is very much at ease; he has a demeanor of being anxiety-free and without any social awkwardness. Absolutely comfortable in his/her own skin. He’s not necessarily attention-grabbing or the life of the party, but he is very socially skilled. May come across as unassuming and soft-spoken while still maintaining an air of confidence and presence.
He’s a glib, smooth talker. Never runs out of amusing anecdotes, and can make the most mundane topics seem interesting and entertaining. He does most of the talking most of the time.The purpose of this is to relax you and make you comfortable with him.
He will quickly divulge personal details and stories about his past and his life. This will create a sense of intimacy that causes you to reciprocate with details about your own life, which he will use to his advantage later.
Fun-loving and fun to be with. Playful.
He claims to be a happy, easy going person. He may tell you nothing gets him down, and since he has no conscience and no fear, it’s probably true.
He’s a very active person who is always on the go. He needs a lot of stimulation and can’t tolerate boredom, so he can’t stand being alone or sitting still. Easily bored, but never boring.
You feel very special in his presence and feel that he’s very special, fascinating and unique, and not like anyone you’ve known before.
You find yourself becoming deeply enamored with him very quickly, and you seek his attention and contact.
He looks at you in a way no man has before; he keeps his eyes locked on yours and gives you his complete attention. It feels flattering and seductive.
You have become intensely physically attracted to him, more than you have ever felt with anyone else.
If you meet at some sort of a group setting, such as a dance class, he will give you the bulk of his time and attention.
After luring you, he’ll hook you with “love-bombing,” or showering you with attention and affection. You’ll go on frequent romantic dates and spend a lot of time together. You’ll get plenty of phone calls, emails and text messages. He’ll be kind, considerate and complimentary. You may feel truly “appreciated” by a man for the first time in your life. It’s all positive reinforcement all the time at this stage. You will not feel neglected in any way at this point. Although things may seem unusually intense, it will just convince you that this is the best relationship you’ve ever had and that he is your perfect partner.
He’ll divulge his “true” feelings for you very quickly, telling you he loves you and has never experienced such love and attraction before or that he never thought he’d fall in love again. He’ll tell you that the relationship feels magical, which it does to you, too, and he’ll probably tell you you’re soul mates. You will feel that you’ve never experienced a love like this before. You may have only known him for a month or two, but you’re certain you’ll be together forever. Believing someone is your soul mate is, unfortunately, one of the biggest red flags of the psychopath, since they’re able to mirror your needs and desires perfectly. They create the persona (or mask) of your perfect mate, but it’s all an illusion.
If you’ve gotten this far, the psychopath has created the strong bond (the psychopathic bond) that is the necessary foundation for the manipulation and abuse that follows. Although it appears the psychopath is in love with you and you’re experiencing the most romantic time of your life, this isn’t the case at all. Psychopaths are incapable of feeling love, and the only thing they want you for is self-gratification.
So how can you tell the difference? You probably won’t be able to unless you’ve experienced it before. The best things you can do are these:
Take any new relationship slowly, especially an intense one. Control the pace, as opposed to letting the other person control it. Be leery of someone who gets serious quickly. There is no rush. Time is the only thing that will reveal a person’s true character.
Know your personal boundaries, and be aware of a person who is able to make you disregard those boundaries, even if you believe you’re the one doing it. If you don’t have boundaries, don’t start any new relationships until you get clear on what yours are, and make the decision to firmly enforce them. Psychopaths will push your boundaries as a “test” to see what they can get away with and to lower your defenses.
Know yourself well. If you don’t, a psychopath will know you better than you know yourself..which sets you up for trouble. Find out what runs you, process traumas from your past and identify your deepest fears, desires and needs.This is one of the best defenses.
Make someone earn your trust…but remember that just because someone’s earned it doesn’t mean he should keep it. Being trustworthy is an ongoing thing. Keep in mind that con men are masters at gaining your trust — that’s why they’re so effective.
Know what you want and need from a relationship, and don’t settle for anything less. If you do find yourself settling for less, you’ll know something’s definitely wrong.
Delay sex because once you have it, your neurochemistry will shift and you will feel deeper attraction, a craving for your partner and more investment in the relationship.These feelings are due to changes in your neurochemistry that can’t be controlled. Pacing and slowing down lets you keep control and make clear-headed decisions.
© 2012 – 2013 ‘Psychopaths and Love’ All Rights Reserved
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by Flicka57
Is this what addicts are--psychopaths?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
I guess I don't understand what goes wrong because the article doesn't go into it. Most all good relationships start out much the same way that the article describes - the soul mate feeling, the attentive partner, the fun fascinating new partner, etc. A lot of good people have those listed qualities, too. What happens in the psychopath relationship as it goes along that sets it apart from a relationship with someone who maintains all or most of the good stuff at the beginning?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i think it might have to do with the "full court press" - being SO into you, SO quickly. the claims of never having felt like this before, HOW special this is, that it must be fate.
now in full disclosure i think the "soul mate" thing is a load of hooey. so when the "meant to be/soul mate" talk gets going, that can quickly become a hook.
if we re-read the description of the methods and acts early on and replace Mr. Charming with someone we are NOT attracted to, then it starts to look creepy and stalkerish. it becomes UNWANTED attention.
just my two cents. i originally found this article because i had lost count of how many posts described the addict as SOOOO charming. and that even when they have been a complete jackwad, they turn on the CHARM and the partner feels weak...........and just can't say no.......
now in full disclosure i think the "soul mate" thing is a load of hooey. so when the "meant to be/soul mate" talk gets going, that can quickly become a hook.
if we re-read the description of the methods and acts early on and replace Mr. Charming with someone we are NOT attracted to, then it starts to look creepy and stalkerish. it becomes UNWANTED attention.
just my two cents. i originally found this article because i had lost count of how many posts described the addict as SOOOO charming. and that even when they have been a complete jackwad, they turn on the CHARM and the partner feels weak...........and just can't say no.......
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
.. even when they have been a complete jackwad, they turn on the CHARM and the partner feels weak...........and just can't say no.......
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It's not that the RELATIONSHIP is psychopathic--it's that one of the partners is. Psychopaths (more commonly known now as sociopaths) lack empathy or conscience--they know what those things look like, so they are able to mimic them, but they are totally in it for themselves and what it can do for them.
I think the best protection is to recognize when what one's partner actually DOES is inconsistent with the professed feelings. And often those expressions of feelings are over-the-top, because they aren't real, but rather acted.
Ted Bundy was, by all accounts, smooth and charming to one and all. And he was able to maintain that façade even while murdering dozens of women.
Another thing to remember, too, is that most abusers are not psychopaths. Even the sadistic ones. They do have feelings and empathy for some people, but are obsessed with controlling their partners. In pursuit of that control, they, too, will be overly attentive/possessive/jealous and often quite charming and manipulative.
Personally, I'd be highly suspicious of any guy over the age of 30 or so who goes overboard with the soulmate/love-of-my-life stuff. I think after a certain age most people recognize that stuff isn't for real and if they are saying it, it's to impress the person they are seeking to reel in.
I think the best protection is to recognize when what one's partner actually DOES is inconsistent with the professed feelings. And often those expressions of feelings are over-the-top, because they aren't real, but rather acted.
Ted Bundy was, by all accounts, smooth and charming to one and all. And he was able to maintain that façade even while murdering dozens of women.
Another thing to remember, too, is that most abusers are not psychopaths. Even the sadistic ones. They do have feelings and empathy for some people, but are obsessed with controlling their partners. In pursuit of that control, they, too, will be overly attentive/possessive/jealous and often quite charming and manipulative.
Personally, I'd be highly suspicious of any guy over the age of 30 or so who goes overboard with the soulmate/love-of-my-life stuff. I think after a certain age most people recognize that stuff isn't for real and if they are saying it, it's to impress the person they are seeking to reel in.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
Originally Posted by FallenAngelina
This is the part I'm asking about. What are the jackwad behaviors to look out for? I know a number of couples who do feel they are soul mates and I've been in a few lovely relationships where the guys were super attentive. I guess I'm wondering what are the signs that set the psychopath relationship apart from just a really nice relationship. Many good relationships start out with that "soulmate" feeling and lots of attention from your new partner.
It is in the identifying bad behavior and leaving that becomes our action. It is not in us hoping they will change back to the facade they originally presented.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
well, not being an expert, i think some signs might be the "come here, go away" manuever - after almost drowning you in attention and contact, they suddenly withdraw it. cancel on a date at the last minute. disappear inexplicably. not answer texts. then suddenly (magically??) reappear AS IF nothing happened.
exerting more control over the relationship - going where they want, seeing who they want to see, while at the same time slowly diminishing your time with your own cadre. perhaps even subtle snarky comments about YOUR friends.
testing you in some way. maybe even showing up at an event or outing that you were attending solo, or with others.
suggesting you style your hair differently, or suggesting you wear that blue dress they like so much. "borrowing" your phone to look something up, or make a call, giving them access to your phone log, texts, pictures......displaying a bit too much interest when you talk about a male co-worker, or a business trip.
that kind of stuff.......??
exerting more control over the relationship - going where they want, seeing who they want to see, while at the same time slowly diminishing your time with your own cadre. perhaps even subtle snarky comments about YOUR friends.
testing you in some way. maybe even showing up at an event or outing that you were attending solo, or with others.
suggesting you style your hair differently, or suggesting you wear that blue dress they like so much. "borrowing" your phone to look something up, or make a call, giving them access to your phone log, texts, pictures......displaying a bit too much interest when you talk about a male co-worker, or a business trip.
that kind of stuff.......??
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