Husband in rehab and continued hope
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Husband in rehab and continued hope
Hello all...I had another thread "detached and what next" but decided to start another one.
My husband was sober, from meth, for 13 years, but not in recovery. No rehab was involved...he walked away (moved to another state) and was "done" with drugs.
Well....he was caught using meth and I promptly kicked him out. We have only been married almost a year and I figured that this wasn't going to be a ride that I wanted to stay on. I have (2) children that have struggled with substance abuse.
After telling him, about 2 weeks after he he left, that I was moving on. I wasn't waiting for months when he was still using and I saw no action on his part.
The next day, he went into HR and confessed that he had a problem (3 months now) and he needed help. I was in awe regarding this move as it was very scary for him to potentially lose his job. A job in which he loves. The put him on FMLA and told him his job was safe..."the rest is up to you."
Within the next day...he arranged and met with (2) counselors and began the process of getting into a rehab. He left and checked himself in 5 days later.
I cannot believe the changes that has taken place with him. I new him sober for 3.5 years but not in recovery. He has been humbled and open to help. He doesn't want a life of "darkness and addiction." He knows what that looks like some 13 years ago. He used for 10 years.
He did say some interesting things....when he began using it was as if he started where he left off (13 years ago). He never enjoyed it once, during the last 3 months, he said it was cravings, loneliness, darkness, etc. He was hooked within moments.
I visited him last Sunday. He is leading a NA meeting (outside of rehab) on Friday. This is a big step as he has always been private.
He states that he wants this for him.....really but he wants a life with me and knows that will not happen if he uses. True.
He thanked me for stepping back and allowing him to fall and pick himself up with my support. He thanked me for not nagging, following him around, picking up his pieces, yelling, etc. He said "you just kicked me out and offered support when I was ready. I knew that you loved me but would walk away to protect yoursef."
There is hope for all of the families here...it takes time and the sooner we can detach and love them regardless is when they are allowed to figure things out. I know, for many, it is a long road.
My husband and I pray every night together and vowed to put God first. I know the road my not end here (with rehab) but I am seeing the light.
My husband was sober, from meth, for 13 years, but not in recovery. No rehab was involved...he walked away (moved to another state) and was "done" with drugs.
Well....he was caught using meth and I promptly kicked him out. We have only been married almost a year and I figured that this wasn't going to be a ride that I wanted to stay on. I have (2) children that have struggled with substance abuse.
After telling him, about 2 weeks after he he left, that I was moving on. I wasn't waiting for months when he was still using and I saw no action on his part.
The next day, he went into HR and confessed that he had a problem (3 months now) and he needed help. I was in awe regarding this move as it was very scary for him to potentially lose his job. A job in which he loves. The put him on FMLA and told him his job was safe..."the rest is up to you."
Within the next day...he arranged and met with (2) counselors and began the process of getting into a rehab. He left and checked himself in 5 days later.
I cannot believe the changes that has taken place with him. I new him sober for 3.5 years but not in recovery. He has been humbled and open to help. He doesn't want a life of "darkness and addiction." He knows what that looks like some 13 years ago. He used for 10 years.
He did say some interesting things....when he began using it was as if he started where he left off (13 years ago). He never enjoyed it once, during the last 3 months, he said it was cravings, loneliness, darkness, etc. He was hooked within moments.
I visited him last Sunday. He is leading a NA meeting (outside of rehab) on Friday. This is a big step as he has always been private.
He states that he wants this for him.....really but he wants a life with me and knows that will not happen if he uses. True.
He thanked me for stepping back and allowing him to fall and pick himself up with my support. He thanked me for not nagging, following him around, picking up his pieces, yelling, etc. He said "you just kicked me out and offered support when I was ready. I knew that you loved me but would walk away to protect yoursef."
There is hope for all of the families here...it takes time and the sooner we can detach and love them regardless is when they are allowed to figure things out. I know, for many, it is a long road.
My husband and I pray every night together and vowed to put God first. I know the road my not end here (with rehab) but I am seeing the light.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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TX I love this post. Such positive posts give the rest of us hope. Your husband did what he hardcover to start the recovery process. That is wonderful. I pray God watches over you both and helps your husband continue on his road to recovery.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Yay ! I love this post too. Im glad he is feeling better and your seeing a change. It took a while but I saw it when my husband started to feel better while he was in rehab. He got that spark back in his eyes, he came back to life.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
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Update: I attended family week at my husbands rehab. What a remarkable event! We had classes; focus groups; individual etc. Topics: Codependency/enabling; brain chemistry/workings (addictions doctor); aftercare; 12 step; communication/feelings; relapse plan/triggers/symptoms; etc.
I knew the facility was wonderful but what I didn't expect was the spiritual component of the process. Of course Higher Power is a part of the process but there was a Christian component, part of the program, that you could choose. He did and was it wonderful. I can't say enough.
My husband has been so motivated and open to the process. He is a real leader and enjoys helping others around the "community." I am very proud of his success.
He was told that he could leave the day before Thanksgiving. He asked to leave on Thanksgiving day instead. He wants to stick around for his 30 day token from his CA meeting.
God is good.
I knew the facility was wonderful but what I didn't expect was the spiritual component of the process. Of course Higher Power is a part of the process but there was a Christian component, part of the program, that you could choose. He did and was it wonderful. I can't say enough.
My husband has been so motivated and open to the process. He is a real leader and enjoys helping others around the "community." I am very proud of his success.
He was told that he could leave the day before Thanksgiving. He asked to leave on Thanksgiving day instead. He wants to stick around for his 30 day token from his CA meeting.
God is good.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Im so happy to hear your update. Im really glad you were able to go to the family events they offered, sounds like it was very good. My husbands rehab offered a lot of assistance to family members, it was very helpful to me. Hope all continues to go well for you both. Enjoy Thanksgiving together !
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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I believe when I hear AA and all the others say, do not take an addict's pain away. Let them feel the pain and let them suffer the consequences because that is the only thing that can truly motivate them to change.
I have thought about you several times as I really respect how hard it had to be for you not to have that codependent behavior.
Hugs and many prayers for you and your family!
I have thought about you several times as I really respect how hard it had to be for you not to have that codependent behavior.
Hugs and many prayers for you and your family!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Yes...hopeful....so difficult to not have codependent behavior. It's my main struggle....to no enable just "a little bit."
It NEVER works. They have to live their life..however unhealthy it is to me it's there life. I can be there when they tell me that they are sick of living this way. So far....I don't see an end in sight.
The family week helped me learn to love the addict but keep my peace.
It NEVER works. They have to live their life..however unhealthy it is to me it's there life. I can be there when they tell me that they are sick of living this way. So far....I don't see an end in sight.
The family week helped me learn to love the addict but keep my peace.
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