Scared and Alone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: christiansburg va
Posts: 8
Scared and Alone
I started dating a guy about 16 months ago. He was sweet and charming . I knew he had a drinking problem, but had no idea it was as bad as it turned out to be. I thought I could help him stop drinking.
It only got worse, he was still in love with his wife from whom he had been seperated from for 6 years and they had one child together.
The following months were hell. He was verbally abusive when he was drinking which was most of the time. His wife was always starting trouble with me . She even came to my work and spoke to the administrator. Almost lost my job, But there I was holding on to him for dear life. I loved him at least I thought I did. She used their child to get to him and make him feel guilty. It even came to a point where he was spending a couple of weeks with me and then a couple of weeks with her saying it was to see his son.
The months to follow he stold from me lied to me was sneaking behind my back seeing his wife. He was in and out of rehabs and even told me once he wanted to be with his wife. So we split numerous times and instead of staying away I would always go back feeling like I needed him and feeling guilty. He didn't work I was supporting him paying his bills. He bruised my ribs once, curssed me almost daily, put dents in my car with his fist broke several things in my home.
He would always promise to stop drinkng if I took him back. It would last for a couple of weeks.
So some how I became isolated with this man only working and coming home praying he wasn't drunk. I have been so scared at times to even go to sleep. I finally took him home about a week ago and haven't went back. Of course he went to his wifes place and I have been getting nasty texts from them both.
I still love him, yes I know that sounds crazy, but I want to let go. I want my life back. I have a very successful career and I am very attractive. So why am I feeling guilty and still wanting him back. I pray that I have the strength not to go back, but at this point I'm not sure. Please help me to get back on track and save myself before he destroy's us both, mentally, physically and finacially.
It only got worse, he was still in love with his wife from whom he had been seperated from for 6 years and they had one child together.
The following months were hell. He was verbally abusive when he was drinking which was most of the time. His wife was always starting trouble with me . She even came to my work and spoke to the administrator. Almost lost my job, But there I was holding on to him for dear life. I loved him at least I thought I did. She used their child to get to him and make him feel guilty. It even came to a point where he was spending a couple of weeks with me and then a couple of weeks with her saying it was to see his son.
The months to follow he stold from me lied to me was sneaking behind my back seeing his wife. He was in and out of rehabs and even told me once he wanted to be with his wife. So we split numerous times and instead of staying away I would always go back feeling like I needed him and feeling guilty. He didn't work I was supporting him paying his bills. He bruised my ribs once, curssed me almost daily, put dents in my car with his fist broke several things in my home.
He would always promise to stop drinkng if I took him back. It would last for a couple of weeks.
So some how I became isolated with this man only working and coming home praying he wasn't drunk. I have been so scared at times to even go to sleep. I finally took him home about a week ago and haven't went back. Of course he went to his wifes place and I have been getting nasty texts from them both.
I still love him, yes I know that sounds crazy, but I want to let go. I want my life back. I have a very successful career and I am very attractive. So why am I feeling guilty and still wanting him back. I pray that I have the strength not to go back, but at this point I'm not sure. Please help me to get back on track and save myself before he destroy's us both, mentally, physically and finacially.
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by delusional 
Please help me to get back on track and save myself
You shouldn't be questioning whether to stay with him, you should be questioning whether you should press charges or not.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
It sounds like he and his wife deserve each other. You could start by blocking their phone numbers on your phone so they can no longer harass you that way. You have no reason to feel guilty about anything. The azzhole is an abuser and you'll just get more of the same, and worse, if you go back to him.
Leave him to his wife and let them make each other miserable. You deserve much better.
Leave him to his wife and let them make each other miserable. You deserve much better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 51
Oh hugs to you, delusional! I am so glad you found this forum. I found this forum only a few months ago, and it has been a life saver in working through my own issues with AH. Let me tell you that he has you right where he wants you. He wants to isolate you. He wants to be selfish, and have two partners.
It is true...it sounds like the two of them are perfect for eachother. So sad for their child that they live in this chaos.
You can step away before something terrible happens. Please do not become like me. I thought I could help my boyfriend now husband stop drinking. Now 2 years in marriage things are BAD! The abuse gets worse. You lose all sense of self. You have your whole future ahead of you. Please start working the steps, and putting distance between him. When you start to forget this...read your post over and over. One final thing, the wife will always be there. He has a child with her...do you want to worry everytime he goes over there to "visit" his child. Too much baggage.
It is true...it sounds like the two of them are perfect for eachother. So sad for their child that they live in this chaos.
You can step away before something terrible happens. Please do not become like me. I thought I could help my boyfriend now husband stop drinking. Now 2 years in marriage things are BAD! The abuse gets worse. You lose all sense of self. You have your whole future ahead of you. Please start working the steps, and putting distance between him. When you start to forget this...read your post over and over. One final thing, the wife will always be there. He has a child with her...do you want to worry everytime he goes over there to "visit" his child. Too much baggage.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: christiansburg va
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by ResignedToWait
Please read over everything you wrote...you provided all the incentive you will ever need, in the absolutely horrible things that he has brought into your life, and the things that he has done to you.
You shouldn't be questioning whether to stay with him, you should be questioning whether you should press charges or not.
You shouldn't be questioning whether to stay with him, you should be questioning whether you should press charges or not.
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