Feeling frustrated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Feeling frustrated
Hi guys
I haven't been on here in a while.
I have been really busy particularly with fundraising for my daughter to get her additional funds towards a trip overseas next year to represent her country in sport.
I've also been busy as the court process continues since my XH returned to my country in July.
The court isn't even looking at the week about request he had on his papers served to me. That's good but the process continues & is stressful & tiring.
On top of the fact that it is costing me to pay a lawyer, I have learnt today that from now until March 2014 my child support has been set to zero. I guess this is because he still isn't working & owes me $3000 in arrears.
I am frustrated with the whole system but it comes to no surprise to me as it's not the first time this has happened.
Over the past 7 years I have been for 5 child support review hearings, some successful, some not.
So here I am again grrrr.
Just really needing to vent. I know in my heart I have always been there for my kids & he can claim to be the best Dad in the world & want to be involved in all aspects of their lives while he sits there with no job & makes our life even harder. I know I have done my darnedest to raise these kids & money or no money I will continue to do so.
On a plus note I invented a fundraising idea which was held last weekend & as a result my daughter raised $600 towards her trip.
I haven't been on here in a while.
I have been really busy particularly with fundraising for my daughter to get her additional funds towards a trip overseas next year to represent her country in sport.
I've also been busy as the court process continues since my XH returned to my country in July.
The court isn't even looking at the week about request he had on his papers served to me. That's good but the process continues & is stressful & tiring.
On top of the fact that it is costing me to pay a lawyer, I have learnt today that from now until March 2014 my child support has been set to zero. I guess this is because he still isn't working & owes me $3000 in arrears.
I am frustrated with the whole system but it comes to no surprise to me as it's not the first time this has happened.
Over the past 7 years I have been for 5 child support review hearings, some successful, some not.
So here I am again grrrr.
Just really needing to vent. I know in my heart I have always been there for my kids & he can claim to be the best Dad in the world & want to be involved in all aspects of their lives while he sits there with no job & makes our life even harder. I know I have done my darnedest to raise these kids & money or no money I will continue to do so.
On a plus note I invented a fundraising idea which was held last weekend & as a result my daughter raised $600 towards her trip.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Well today I had a ring from my 13yr olds future college & she has been awarded a scholarship. We are both thrilled. It is worth $400 & to be honest I am hoping I am able to put the whole lot towards her new uniform, without it I would have to borrow.
The XH was texting about childcare stuff for this weekend so I told him of this great news & told him we would use it towards her uniform.
He came back with "that is great news, well lawyers do cost a lot aye".
Honestly ......this man........he uses every opportunity he gets to throw it back in my face. I wish for just once in his life he could be happy for us. Afterall he is not supporting us financially in any way yet he can't be happy we found a way to meet his daughters needs. Grrrrrrr. He still blames me for everything.
I refused to let him spoil our moment of sheer hard work & rewards.
I wanted to reply via text so bad but I have decided the best thing to do to get my anger out over being treated disrespectfully is by perhaps sitting down & writing all the different responses I would like to reply but never send.
Anyway, anybody who wishes to offer congrats for my daughters hard work & the great upbringing I have given her is welcome.
The XH was texting about childcare stuff for this weekend so I told him of this great news & told him we would use it towards her uniform.
He came back with "that is great news, well lawyers do cost a lot aye".
Honestly ......this man........he uses every opportunity he gets to throw it back in my face. I wish for just once in his life he could be happy for us. Afterall he is not supporting us financially in any way yet he can't be happy we found a way to meet his daughters needs. Grrrrrrr. He still blames me for everything.
I refused to let him spoil our moment of sheer hard work & rewards.
I wanted to reply via text so bad but I have decided the best thing to do to get my anger out over being treated disrespectfully is by perhaps sitting down & writing all the different responses I would like to reply but never send.
Anyway, anybody who wishes to offer congrats for my daughters hard work & the great upbringing I have given her is welcome.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time. On a happy note..congrats to your DD! That is super! She must be a very impressive person, one to be proud of.
In the end...none of his crap matters. You are the person you are. You are the support to your DD, the caretaker and the one she relies on. It sounds like he is a very selfish person.
Hats off to you and all you do. Keep being a great mom and keep posting, your not alone!
In the end...none of his crap matters. You are the person you are. You are the support to your DD, the caretaker and the one she relies on. It sounds like he is a very selfish person.
Hats off to you and all you do. Keep being a great mom and keep posting, your not alone!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Thank you all for your support.
Jazzman, once the courts are involved it seems it doesn't really matter what the kids want because it is up to the courts to decide.
I am offering more time to spend with their Dad as I think it is an important relationship for them to have.
Both girls have told their lawyer what they want & it's the same as what I've been offering XH the whole time, unfortunately he wouldn't accept it so it ends up draggin out through the court process.
I think he realises now he's not going to get what he wants, the court won't go in his favour.
It's a waiting game now, I can't wait until it is final, in black & white, everybody knows what they're doing & when & the communication will lessen between us.
I so wish for it to be over by Christmas so everyone knows where they'll be & with whom over the Christmas period.
At the moment I can't plan anything.
Jazzman, once the courts are involved it seems it doesn't really matter what the kids want because it is up to the courts to decide.
I am offering more time to spend with their Dad as I think it is an important relationship for them to have.
Both girls have told their lawyer what they want & it's the same as what I've been offering XH the whole time, unfortunately he wouldn't accept it so it ends up draggin out through the court process.
I think he realises now he's not going to get what he wants, the court won't go in his favour.
It's a waiting game now, I can't wait until it is final, in black & white, everybody knows what they're doing & when & the communication will lessen between us.
I so wish for it to be over by Christmas so everyone knows where they'll be & with whom over the Christmas period.
At the moment I can't plan anything.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
I have had a response in from the lawyers & I am feeling stressed, I try not to let it get to me but I just want to get on with my life & have this court process over.
I have offered the father of my children more time with the kids and I would also like him to share the holiday care.
He has come back with wanting them more during the week & won't put up his hand to care for them in the holidays because he's unemployed & if he gets a job he won't have any holidays.
Well excuse me? I have had 2 jobs over the past 7 years & I have twice had no holidays when I started employment yet I found care for my children.
He wants it all on his terms, excuse me? Who has had them for the past 21/2 years 24/7 while he split countries?
My 13 yr old is moving to college next year, I want to settle her in, we live 1 block away from the school, I work school hours, everything I have done is to work around the children, I find this whole situation disruptive & unsettling for everyone.
So the next step is either mediation or a court hearing.
I so wished to have this sorted by Christmas so that everyone would know what they're doing, looks like it won't be & the responsibility of it all will fall on me, what's new?
Please offer encouragement, I know I've done what's right by the children all along but feel like it's me being punished for this whole mess, what did I do that was so wrong to deserve this?
Hugs welcome.
I have offered the father of my children more time with the kids and I would also like him to share the holiday care.
He has come back with wanting them more during the week & won't put up his hand to care for them in the holidays because he's unemployed & if he gets a job he won't have any holidays.
Well excuse me? I have had 2 jobs over the past 7 years & I have twice had no holidays when I started employment yet I found care for my children.
He wants it all on his terms, excuse me? Who has had them for the past 21/2 years 24/7 while he split countries?
My 13 yr old is moving to college next year, I want to settle her in, we live 1 block away from the school, I work school hours, everything I have done is to work around the children, I find this whole situation disruptive & unsettling for everyone.
So the next step is either mediation or a court hearing.
I so wished to have this sorted by Christmas so that everyone would know what they're doing, looks like it won't be & the responsibility of it all will fall on me, what's new?
Please offer encouragement, I know I've done what's right by the children all along but feel like it's me being punished for this whole mess, what did I do that was so wrong to deserve this?
Hugs welcome.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Rosie, you did not do anything to deserve this. You appear to be the only one with your children's best interest at heart. Your ex is being extremely selfish and thoughtless. I am sorry you have to deal with this, but I am also relieved your kids have you in their life as a role model. Hang in there, ((((hugs)))), thinking of you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
OMG at home tonight cooking tea when phone rings, I dishing up so asked daughter to answer it. Then she comes & informs me that Dad is coming around with a graduation cardy.
Can he just turn up at my property like this?
2 weeks ago he phoned the kids & said oh I'm outside your house, of course they went out there.
This is an invasion of my privacy.
I just about the lost the plot.
I was overwhelmed with adrenaline & wanted to go out there & order him & her off my property, I wanted to kick their car in, it took every inch of me to fight off that stupid thought & stay calm for daughter.
I'm afraid the calm has turned to tears & I can't hide it anymore.
He is taking me to court, making my life difficult & then turning up at my door.
Is is very wrong.
What do I do here?
Can he just turn up at my property like this?
2 weeks ago he phoned the kids & said oh I'm outside your house, of course they went out there.
This is an invasion of my privacy.
I just about the lost the plot.
I was overwhelmed with adrenaline & wanted to go out there & order him & her off my property, I wanted to kick their car in, it took every inch of me to fight off that stupid thought & stay calm for daughter.
I'm afraid the calm has turned to tears & I can't hide it anymore.
He is taking me to court, making my life difficult & then turning up at my door.
Is is very wrong.
What do I do here?
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Lawyers don't cost people as much as a (his) bad attitude does...
Sorry he's upsetting you. ********{Hugs}}}}}
Wow....what a selfish @&$#0!3...
Yeah, that's not cool that he's invading your space like he is either. I know someone will have better advice than me on that, someone who has been there....
Sending you wishes of peace. Saying a prayer for you.
Be kind to yourself.
Sorry he's upsetting you. ********{Hugs}}}}}
Originally Posted by Rosiepetal 
I have offered the father of my children more time with the kids and I would also like him to share the holiday care.
He has come back with wanting them more during the week & won't put up his hand to care for them in the holidays because he's unemployed & if he gets a job he won't have any holidays.
Well excuse me? I have had 2 jobs over the past 7 years & I have twice had no holidays when I started employment yet I found care for my children.
He wants it all on his terms, excuse me? Who has had them for the past 21/2 years 24/7 while he split countries?
He has come back with wanting them more during the week & won't put up his hand to care for them in the holidays because he's unemployed & if he gets a job he won't have any holidays.
Well excuse me? I have had 2 jobs over the past 7 years & I have twice had no holidays when I started employment yet I found care for my children.
He wants it all on his terms, excuse me? Who has had them for the past 21/2 years 24/7 while he split countries?
Yeah, that's not cool that he's invading your space like he is either. I know someone will have better advice than me on that, someone who has been there....
Sending you wishes of peace. Saying a prayer for you.
Be kind to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Hey Rosie, you are doing good. Wanting to get things sorted out before Christmas is totally fair and reasonable. You are giving your all and it would be fair if your daughter's dad could be ordered to be of some use.
Trying to get order and control when your ex is involved, even with the courts on your side, may be swimming against a very strong current. I know, because that is what I do every day. I want things to be organized, fair and predictable. Whereas Stbxah is doing whatever he can to prevent us from having stability and forward momentum.
The courts don't seem too helpful to me. In my case, my lawyer and stbx's lawyer are starting to take matters into their own hands to finish off this calamitous divorce. Maybe mediation will work in your case, too?
You can only control you. Make sure you take good loving care of yourself.
((((Hugs)))) and encouragement!
Trying to get order and control when your ex is involved, even with the courts on your side, may be swimming against a very strong current. I know, because that is what I do every day. I want things to be organized, fair and predictable. Whereas Stbxah is doing whatever he can to prevent us from having stability and forward momentum.
The courts don't seem too helpful to me. In my case, my lawyer and stbx's lawyer are starting to take matters into their own hands to finish off this calamitous divorce. Maybe mediation will work in your case, too?
You can only control you. Make sure you take good loving care of yourself.
((((Hugs)))) and encouragement!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Oh, just saw your last post. Crikey, I hate when they do that. Can you call your lawyer and have him reprimanded for coming onto your property? And if there is a next time, call the police for trespassing?
My stbxah climbed over a walk to break into my buildings and leave groceries for us. Because he wasn't paying child support and we had nothing to eat. And really because he constantly trespasses my boundaries.
I am having success with always using lawyers/court/police to reprimand him. He still tests me, but overall this forces him to back off and helps me feel safe.
My stbxah climbed over a walk to break into my buildings and leave groceries for us. Because he wasn't paying child support and we had nothing to eat. And really because he constantly trespasses my boundaries.
I am having success with always using lawyers/court/police to reprimand him. He still tests me, but overall this forces him to back off and helps me feel safe.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Thank you all. Will call my lawyer this morning to see what I can do about his impromptu non-authorised visits.
Mediation will be going ahead but not until about Feb, if it goes to court hearing there is a 5 month wait.
I now have to figure out how I cover the entire Christmas holidays in childcare while I am working. The kids Dad doesn't have to lift a finger in this department & never has (& he wants more time with them??)
My company closes from 25th Dec to 13th Jan so have to use all my leave for that. On a bright side I will take kids on a free holiday with friends & I will cherish that time spent with them.
I also arose early this morning & started working on child support review number 6, worth a try, anything better than zero.
It is my 9 yr olds to be 10yr olds birthday next week & this weekend I have about 10 kids coming over for a little party, cheap option, only have to prepare food & make up some silly games.
Thank you SR friends for your continued support, I really need it right now & in the future.
Mediation will be going ahead but not until about Feb, if it goes to court hearing there is a 5 month wait.
I now have to figure out how I cover the entire Christmas holidays in childcare while I am working. The kids Dad doesn't have to lift a finger in this department & never has (& he wants more time with them??)
My company closes from 25th Dec to 13th Jan so have to use all my leave for that. On a bright side I will take kids on a free holiday with friends & I will cherish that time spent with them.
I also arose early this morning & started working on child support review number 6, worth a try, anything better than zero.
It is my 9 yr olds to be 10yr olds birthday next week & this weekend I have about 10 kids coming over for a little party, cheap option, only have to prepare food & make up some silly games.
Thank you SR friends for your continued support, I really need it right now & in the future.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Sorted, my lawyer sent his lawyer & lawyer for child letter with my concerns.
Also stated is the need for the 2 parents to liaise extra contact with kids & not the children to be messengers & appropriate notice to be given.
There are absolutely no excuses now.
Also stated is the need for the 2 parents to liaise extra contact with kids & not the children to be messengers & appropriate notice to be given.
There are absolutely no excuses now.
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