Upsetnneedhelp

I've decided to stop putting money on the prison account phone company. My son was angry because I was not putting enough money on his snack fund. The State seems tired of him and is ready to really prosecute him. They continued his case because the State wants one of their better prosecuters on his case. I think he is getting nervous about this. My daughter believes he is better off in prison and cannot adjust to the real world. It has caused a lot of problems between her and I. His addiction has hurt our relationship. My son is like a tornado that swept up everything in it's path.

ichabod

It seems that you are ready to begin detaching and that's a wonderful thing. You don't ever need to stop loving. Focus on being happy and not letting his drama rule/ruin your life. You deserve better. So does he, and letting him face and handle the consequences of his actions may help him understand how desperately he needs to change.

My heart goes out to you. I know it hurts.

Katchie

I'm praying for your family. I don't respond much because I don't have any real wisdom to share, but I think I you often.

Upsetnneedhelp

ichod, he does not think he is capable of change. I told him to get on the work detail but he refuses. He would rather hang out with the other convicts in the little free time he has. He's in his cell most of the day. He claims he did not know that the gun was in his friends car but I don't think it matter now. He loved guns and was practice shooting at the age of 8. I don't believe he was looking to do people harm though. He was not under the influence (because he would have received a dui) and that is the only time he is violent.

krhea75

The best thing I did for my son was leave him in jail for 4 weeks instead of bailing him out. I did take his phone calls and sent him some books to read. But when he came out, he was ready to get sober. Hang in there, take some time away from him. It's amazing how helpful it is to have distance from the "tornado." Good analogy!

choublak

Well let him get nervous about it...I'm sure his actions have made you nervous and then some.

Seren

Sending hugs and prayers, Upset. Addiction really does affect the whole family...

Upsetnneedhelp

Yes, and I try telling him that his action has scared others. Yet he doesn't seem to get it. And thats what I'm saying here. What is his bottom? He's back in prison and seems to be going back in the groove of prison life.

Hammer

I think you have a Very Smart daughter.

I think I have one of those, too.

Praise God for that which is Good.

------------------------

Dear God,

Thanks for sending USNH and me smart daughters!

choublak

That's the nature of alcoholism and addiction. They don't get how their actions affect others, and all the talking and explaining in the world doesn't help them get it.

Upsetnneedhelp

He blames on his "disease". I sometimes wonder if that concept even helps addicts. He blames the police, court system, prison and everything else. Now he is talking about dropping out of his gang. I think he is no longer trusted due to his heavy drug use. The gang seems to even be giving up on him. How much lower can it get?

Florence

Heh, that's the disease too. Denial. When everyone is holding you accountable or walking away from you, and you're still making excuses and explaining the events without being willing to examine the role that drugs and alcohol has in your life.

One of the hardest things for me was looking at everything my AH had going for him -- the stakes of losing this battle -- and he still didn't seem to take it seriously. I wondered what it would take. Years later, I still do. He's still playing people, isolating, rotting away, lying to himself, lying to others, doing nothing with the tools he still has (what few are left) to help himself. It's not his fault, according to him. It's everyone else's.

To me, it's that mindset that is a hallmark of all the addicts I've known. We talk a lot about bottoms. Some people's bottoms are much lower than others.

Upsetnneedhelp

Florence, thanks I get what you are saying. Sadly, my son starting with the gangs at a early age. He is a well known and well respected member. I never feared for his safety. But he tells me he may have to go to a different part of the prison known for gang dropouts and child molesters. I guess it's protective custody. He seemed terrified the last I talked to him. Without his gangs backing he will be targeted by a rival. Once you enter the protective custody wing your standing is over in prison.

choublak

You've thought he'd be safe because the gang would "protect" him?

Upsetnneedhelp

When he was in prison I always knew he was protected. However, he if is forced to resign I would worry much more.

lillamy

I haven't had a child in prison (yet) but I've had children in other kinds of trouble.
While it's different, I can relate.
When your child is in a bad situation, in a bad place, letting go of that is exceptionally difficult. Detaching from an AH was a breeze (even while living with him) compared to detaching from the troubles of a child -- at least for me.

I wish you peace. Even if it's just moments of peace and being able to breathe. Worrying about his safety must be very hard for you.