Hi just checking in :)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: oz
Posts: 164
Hi just checking in :)
Hi everyone, just wanted to check in,
I've had a pretty rough few weeks, and turned back to the bottle, for so long I felt like I'd dealt with things in my life that I was on top of it all, handling it all, except the alcohol. I thought if I gave that up then I would be fine, and, for a while I was (I now understand the pink cloud everyone was talking about).
Then the nightmares started, I became petrified of going to sleep, being intimate with my partner meant fighting off rising panic...I was so confused and upset and petrified and angry, and I didn't want it to be that way. I came on here just wanting to talk about anything, I now realise I was just desperate, but never asking for help. Finally about 4 or 5 days ago I logged on here and decided to go to chat..there I met people who I will be eternally grateful to (you know who you are) one of them said to me "your only as sick as your secrets" and I decided to say what I had been carrying around for 17 yrs, I was really afraid and they offered understanding and compassion that surprised me, because I didn't feel I deserved it....
Anyway long story short I've got an appointment with a counsellor, I've seen my doctor who has prescribed me diazepam... with a follow up appointment this wk and I told my partner...who was shocked and upset but is being incredibly understanding. I'm also now 2 days sober...
I just wanted to firstly thank those people in chat, for making me feel it was safe to say it "out loud" words cannot describe how grateful I am to you!
secondly I just wanted anybody else out there reading this that has suffered and are struggling that it's ok to ask for help, you be surprised how wonderful and ready to help people can be.
third I'd like to thank SR without this place and the people here I don't think that I would have been able to face my past and my addiction, to a person like me who has always felt like I had to slap a smile on my face and share like all was finally well with me, even when it wasn't, it took this place to show me that it's ok to say "I'm not ok", and gave me the strength to relay that in my real life.
So I'm not ok but that's ok because I am getting the help and am actually going to be honest with those that are trying to help me.
I've had a pretty rough few weeks, and turned back to the bottle, for so long I felt like I'd dealt with things in my life that I was on top of it all, handling it all, except the alcohol. I thought if I gave that up then I would be fine, and, for a while I was (I now understand the pink cloud everyone was talking about).
Then the nightmares started, I became petrified of going to sleep, being intimate with my partner meant fighting off rising panic...I was so confused and upset and petrified and angry, and I didn't want it to be that way. I came on here just wanting to talk about anything, I now realise I was just desperate, but never asking for help. Finally about 4 or 5 days ago I logged on here and decided to go to chat..there I met people who I will be eternally grateful to (you know who you are) one of them said to me "your only as sick as your secrets" and I decided to say what I had been carrying around for 17 yrs, I was really afraid and they offered understanding and compassion that surprised me, because I didn't feel I deserved it....
Anyway long story short I've got an appointment with a counsellor, I've seen my doctor who has prescribed me diazepam... with a follow up appointment this wk and I told my partner...who was shocked and upset but is being incredibly understanding. I'm also now 2 days sober...
I just wanted to firstly thank those people in chat, for making me feel it was safe to say it "out loud" words cannot describe how grateful I am to you!
secondly I just wanted anybody else out there reading this that has suffered and are struggling that it's ok to ask for help, you be surprised how wonderful and ready to help people can be.
third I'd like to thank SR without this place and the people here I don't think that I would have been able to face my past and my addiction, to a person like me who has always felt like I had to slap a smile on my face and share like all was finally well with me, even when it wasn't, it took this place to show me that it's ok to say "I'm not ok", and gave me the strength to relay that in my real life.
So I'm not ok but that's ok because I am getting the help and am actually going to be honest with those that are trying to help me.
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