Ashley1984

I got out of rehab yesterday and been having a hard time answering all my family's questions, having a hard time forgiving myself for becoming an addict. I feel like I need to answer all my family's questions even if I don't feel like it. I lost contact with them for 6 years because of my work and I feel like they've been asking questions for the last 6 years, which means too many questions.

I've been thinking about what everyone has been telling me on my previous post and I've been talking about it in the chat room, trying a way to forgive myself.

I've been told I'd have to change the way I see things in life and how I think. I've got the cop thinking and in recovery it is not the best thinking to have. I was working Under cover and when you're Under cover, you deal with everything on your own.

A member told me to see recovery has if it was a bad situation for a cop not working Under cover. Before I went Under cover, what did I used to do in bad situations? I was making sure my Partner had my back and I was calling for back up.

So I'll try to see my situation this way : Right now, I am in a difficult situation and when I come on this site it is like calling for back up. So we are all a team and I need to see everyone of you as partners

I don't know if it all makes sense but to me it makes asking for help easier

recoveryfirst

I like that
Were all your partners and we all got ur back
Were all like a big family on this site
Reach out to us anytime when you need it

neferkamichael

Ashley1984, I consider some of the mistakes I made early on in my recovery was dwelling to much on problems I had and caused to others, and not define a solution and stay focused on it. Forgive yourself and move on. Rootin for ya.

BlueChair

Your posting is helping me and I wanted to let you know it. Im happy you found this site and can get extra support for yourself. My husband came home from rehab on Friday. He has been emotional and reading that you are too then I know he is not alone. I am not alone. Your going to be doing outpatient and seeing a counselor? That is what my husband is doing too. He starts outpatient tomorrow ! He had been shooting up cocaine and heroin after he relapsed but hadnt used since college days. I am hoping and wishing things start to feel more comfortable for you soon.

least

We have to act our way into a new way of thinking. Your actions can retrain your mind. Do the right thing and keep on doing it. You'll be ok.

Ashley1984

BlueChair, I came home from rehab Friday too and i'm starting outpatient tomorrow too, I will also go to meetings.

Thanks everyone for the support. I find thinking about asking for help is easier when I try to think the way I mentionned earlier in this thread

bigsombrero

Good for you. Get used to calling for backup - if you're doing "recovery" right, you'll probably be needing it from time to time!

I also spent time in a treatment center. I left 1.5 years ago and have not taken a drink since. It can be done. It's also a wild ride out here. You will have questions. Ask them. You will have new feelings. Express them. You will experience life-changing thoughts. Explore them.

Good luck. Welcome to the journey.

Dee74

Plenty of back up units here Ashley - 24/7

D

Hevyn

Count me in as a partner Ashley. You'll go through many phases as you heal - this is a great place to share what you're thinking. You're never alone.

Ashley1984

thank you!! I know I'll have to get used to call for backup. The forums an chat room have me more than I thought it would.

I have to get as strong as possible and do it as fast as possible if I want to get my job back. The downside of getting my job back is I wont be able to come on this site or go to meetings. I'll have to disappear again like I did for the past 6 years

But I love my job and I want to find a way to work on my recovery and get back to work

recoveryfirst

i read this thread a few days back
i like this calling for back up thing
i went to a meeting and i said this to someone and they thought it was a wonderful way to see it
thanks to you or posting this