soberstudent73

Hi, after 14 months sober, i relapsed last night with a group of friends celebrating finishing our exams. I feel so low and hate myself for doing this after I was so proud of myself prior to yesterday. Seems like I am back to square one. Why can't I enjoy a drink like everyone else, I just feel so excluded sometimes?
Anyway, just joined this site as a result of this episode and wanted to post something.

jazzfish

The only thing back to square one is your continuous day count. You have a lot of experience under your belt, plus most of the benefits you accrued during those 14 months. Don't beat yourself up about. Dust yourself off, try to figure out when and why the relapse started happening, and what you can do in the future to change the outcome.

soberstudent73

Yes, the thing that gets me down is that I have a new group of friends and this was supposed to be a new start, and now they have all seen the worst that I can be, which is the opposite of what I wanted.

Weaver

You are not back to square one. Chin up, dust yourself off and get back to it. Do not dwell on this as it is easy to slide back into our old ways.

You have 14 months of continued sobriety under your belt. Do not let one "slip" deter you from continuing your sober life!

I have found the hard way that I cannot enjoy a drink like everyone else. It does suck sometimes but that's just the way it is. The sky may have not fallen but be sure to be prepared for next time these thoughts occur.

I don't think the slip is so much worrisome, as what it can lead to "Well I drank last night, it wasn't TO bad...I can drink again next week...then maybe a few days the week after that etc.

You are fantastic! Keep living and don't dwell on a mistake. Recognize the mistake, take inventory and move forward.

Take care my friend!

firstymer

You are here. You are committed not to drink again. (You ARE committed not to drink again, right?). You have 14 months of sobriety under your belt. And it sounds like you have a lot of other positive things going on in your life.

You hit a bump in the road. Don't let it turn into a detour.

Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.

ScottFromWI

It was one night. Be realistic here...you already know you have the formula to get and stay sober. When the dust settle and your head clears move forward. If your "new" friends were drinking too most likely they didn't notice anyway as they were drunk too. Having said that, hangin out with folks who make a habit of going out and getting drunk might not be the best idea...perhaps that led to the relapse slowly over time? Take care of yourself and look forward.

soberstudent73

Yes I am 100% committed so staying sober which is why I am so disappointed with myself for letting my guard down. I think I got too confident with being sober and thought I could handle it, got caught up with the post exam adrenaline and convinced myself that I deserved a treat. Having that first drink made me feel like so much better about myself in that moment like a part of me that I missed was back in place, but I should have just fast forwarded the thought process to today as the same sequence of events transpired as always used to, spending a ton of money, buying everyone drinks/shots, becoming a different person/alter-ego, memory loss and this mornings shame and self-loathing. I also feel embarrassed for having told everyone how well i was doing and then relapsing.

Spinach

It's really important to know, that you don't reset your alcohol receptors and once there set on that much even after a fantastic 14 months they still want to get that level up, and know you know first hand it doesn't get better.
Start again as I know you have and show everyone of that group what a great non drinker you are.
Your just going to shrug this of and prove to yourself what a great person you are.
John

soberstudent73

Thank you all so much for your comments, I am glad to be here.

EndGameNYC

That's a pretty tempting recipe...I don't imagine I could have done this while I was in college, particularly without a great deal of support.

Time to do something different.

MWL1983

I've found it difficult to hold onto friendship with my pre-recovery friends. Most we're heavy drinkers and there's no denying that at the very least, they're having a really good time in part because they are drinking. I can't drink safely and so I rarely see these friends anymore. I transitioned for a bit to friends that drank in moderation but did so at every social function. I found that tough.

The way I see it, if I developed blindness, I could no longer enjoy my time spent with friends that only hung out in art galaxies discussing the paintings. I've found friends in recovery and have a great time with them. I still occasionally 5-6 times per year hang out in social settings with moderate and rarely heavy drinkers, but they know I'm in recovery and support that. I never hang out in drinking situations without at least 1 person that knows I'm in recovery or that I have made a conscious decision not to drink.

Don't dwell.

Dee74

Hi and welcome soberstudent
Like others have said your 14 months is still there - all you learned and accomplished.

Maybe you still need to teak a few sobriety settings tho?

Acceptance - accepting our alcoholism and what we need to do...getting past the why can't I's and the resentment...is a big job.

For me it came down to a simple choice: I can drink, or I can be the person I want to be...but I can't do both.

My life revolved around drinkers and drinking. I had to make changes in my life.

Not everyone's life revolves around getting smashed, not everyone drinks..even at Uni.

I really believe you can find a place of peace and belonging as a sober student, if you put in the work

D

john44

I don't buy into the idea that a slip constitutes "starting at day 1". I believe that thinking like that can lead to an attitude of just giving up...figuring, hey I might as well keep drinking. You had 14 months of sobriety, a wonderful achievement which has been briefly interrupted. Now, shake it off and keep on being sober.

Leana

From my experience, drinking and college go hand in hand, it has to be so difficult to remain sober in that environment. I feel for you.

Don't beat yourself up, today might be day 1 again but it's not the end of the world. You can do it. There are college kids who don't drink. They might be hard to find, but give it a try, you might find you enjoy their company - and you already have one thing in common! It's a lot easier to remain sober when your friends don't go out and get wasted every weekend.

Correy

Those 14 months long ride was something you should be proud of. So, forgive yourself and get back on the wagon.

Good luck.

soberstudent73

Yes, I am proud of those 14 months, but the clock is now reset so its hard to feel any form of positivity. I was so convinced I had beaten this thing. How did I let this happen when I know so much better, its like I have a disease that is lying dormant ready to trip me up at any opportunity.

FallenAlien

Like others have said, its one slip. Dont let the NA/AA stuff of saying "Ur back on day 1" make you feel guilty. Just climb back on the recovery horse. One slip does not undo all those 14 months of sobriety. Physically it obviously does absolutely no harm to you from one slip. The only harm done is the guilt you are feeling.

and whatever you do dont after 2 weeks sober from your slip think "See well i didnt go back into using everyday, i drank once then stopped for now 2 weeks, maybe i can handle it". Thats exactly what the disease wants you to believe.

Just get over the number of days you "technically" have clean, look at the experience you have gained and where you are at. one slip is going to do nothing to you. only if you let it. you havent lost anything yet. The only thing is the guilt. Just get back on that recovery train man! You can do it!

And having one slip could be considered a "lapse" or a slip. Not a relapse. You still have 14 months of recovery. The clock is not reset. It would only be reset if you forgot everything you learned.

IOAA2

"Why can't I enjoy a drink like everyone else, I just feel so excluded sometimes?"

Could an uncomplicated answer be that alcoholics drink alcohol. Cunning, Baffling and Insidious.

Many don't seem to grasp that we cannot drink alcohol in safety if we are alcoholics, EVER!
So we need acceptance or will fail if there are doubts.

Your period of not drinking is an experience that can be built on if you can stop like right now as we are procrastinators and as a result it does get far worse.

BE WELL

TucTee

Specifically regarding this sentiment, i can't tell you how many times I've quit and restarted drinking after having already announced I was going to quit forever. I suggest that if you intend to continue being sober, you shrug off this slip with your colleagues as a one-time deal that was simply a spur of the moment thing.

I don't know whether your ability to commit to tasks has been an issue in the past. I know it has been for me. If it has not been for you, then your intent to re-commit to sobriety should be respected. But even if you've vacillated on things a lot in the past, maintain the same resolve to re-commit and convince others by example.

You can't take back what happened, but you can control what you do from this point forward.

Mountainmanbob

nice to have you here

Mountainman