WritingHelps

I just had a little freak out with my fiancee. We are talking about planning our honeymoon for next year and we have been discussing going to Spain. He mentioned something about wine and I reminded him that I wasn't drinking. He then talked about moderating and that's when I lost it and told him that I don't want to drink at all.

This isn't the first time we've had a conversation like this. He is totally supportive of not drinking, especially right after a night of excess, although he has never said he definitely wanted to quit. I don't need him to stop drinking if he doesn't want/ need to. I just need him to stop thinking that I am quitting for a little while. But after a week or two passes he will start dropping hints of drinking, not necessarily asking me to go out to the bar or anything, but speaking of future events involving alcohol like weddings, vacations, holidays, etc. It's really tough because he isn't a jerk, I just don't think he gets how serious I am trying to be.

I know I just need to talk to him which I am going to do right now. I just needed to write this out first to calm down.

least

No, he doesn't 'get it' and probably never will. Some people just turn a blind eye to what's going on and can never be convinced otherwise. Just stay sober for yourself and maybe after some time he'll believe you mean it.

WritingHelps

We just had a talk which was hard but good. He told me that he sometimes didn't know what to think since I have been so back and forth over the past year and a half, but now he will take this whole thing more seriously. It was good, but made me feel guilty about wasting so much time wavering in my sobriety over the last year when I could be at a better, healthier point by now if I had just stuck with it.

Ugh, it's just so difficult when this is all weighing on my mind so heavily and I am just afraid of relapsing again. I hate that I even have to use that word, relapse, but I know that is exactly what it is.

So, I'm glad I talked to him. I know he wants to be supportive and I believe that he will be. It's just on me, too, to communicate with him about my recovery so he knows where I am at with things and I will try to make sure I am doing that.

firstymer

Hi, WritingHelps. I am in a similar situation, except I haven't proposed yet. I am only 75 days sober, and my girlfriend is patiently (sometimes a little less than patiently) waiting. While she has been very supportive of my sobriety, I am a little reluctant to commit until I know that my sobriety won't be an issue. She still drinks, but only one or two glasses of wine per night at most. After one failed marriage, I want to make sure I am not making another mistake.

My advice is to keep talking to your fiancee, especially if you get the sense that he is anything less than 100% supportive of your sobriety. For me, if I get any sense that my girlfriend prefers the drinking me to sober me, that will be a deal breaker. It's hard enough to stay sober with a supportive mate. I don't want to try to do it with someone who is pulling me in a different, and very bad direction. Good luck.

EndGameNYC

Sounds like his back-and-forth thinking about your drinking mirrors your back-and-forth thinking about your drinking.