coming_clean

I'm starting a new sobriety date today.
Not because I relapsed.
I am setting myself up for a relapse, slowly.
I am starting to forget I am an addict, that's when my ego kicks in.
Ego tells me I am just fine and a 'normal' person.
(don't know what normal is to be honest haha)

'Normal' persons can smoke weed with moderation or drink or take a line or or or or or .....
^wtf!!

Compulsive behaviour, stressed out, giving myself too much obligations.
Pushing myself too hard.

I'm attending meetings coming thursday.
Never been really much of a meetings guy.
Still I think I NEED it in order to not-forget where I am at.

I don't have to talk, I can just listen.

jazzfish

Ah, that craving for the golden "normal" stamp. It has tripped me up numerous times. Hell, I relapsed once because a friend who I hadn't seen in 14 years posted a picture on Facebook of himself with a beer.

It is so hard to keep it fresh in my mind why I quit (for me, it is drinking) and why I need to stay quit. I will go back an read old journal entries to remember the pain. I will also read the "Friends and Families of..." posts here to read the kind of pain I caused others.

I also work to keep my obligations manageable and take time for stress reduction activities. You can get through this.

coming_clean

I like that one.

Dee74

I'm glad you're beefing up your recovery CC - great move

D

Bruce292

It's like you read my mind. I've been sober over half a year and it's been tougher than ever. I've been under a lot of stress lately and the old "there's nothing wrong with getting a little relief" thoughts have been ever present. I too need to reaffirm. It helps to know that I'm not the only person who's brain is playing this game.