Does this analogy sound familiar?
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Does this analogy sound familiar?
I really want my (insert loved one) to lose weight.....so I will
Nag, plead, beg, bribe, praise, encourage, threaten, lecture, etc her until they agree to diet and exercise. Then I will monitor everything they eat, clock the time they exercise, and will ask 100 questions daily. How well do you think this would work??
Does this analogy ring true for you when dealing with the addict in your life? I was so guilty of all of it......in one way or another.....if not all. But I was just trying to be "supportive."
If somebody did this to me, I would make a huge ice cream sunday and eat it slowly in front of them.
Nag, plead, beg, bribe, praise, encourage, threaten, lecture, etc her until they agree to diet and exercise. Then I will monitor everything they eat, clock the time they exercise, and will ask 100 questions daily. How well do you think this would work??
Does this analogy ring true for you when dealing with the addict in your life? I was so guilty of all of it......in one way or another.....if not all. But I was just trying to be "supportive."
If somebody did this to me, I would make a huge ice cream sunday and eat it slowly in front of them.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
I think it is only human to believe that we have some influence over our loved ones, and in many cases we do. That all farts and flies out the window, however, when it comes to addiction. Drugs/alcohol affects the brain in extremely detrimental ways. Not only does it tickle the pleasure areas of the brain, it also destroys brain cells. After a period of time, the addict is almost held prisoner by the drug and will require medical help to recover. At that point, all the begging, pleading, threatening, lecturing, praising, encouraging and bribing in the world is useless. The addiction hold is just too strong.
That's when we cannot say that the addict "chooses" the drug over us. It isn't that the drug is more important to them, it's just that they are acting on what is most imperative at the time. There is a difference between what is most important and what is most imperative.
That's when we cannot say that the addict "chooses" the drug over us. It isn't that the drug is more important to them, it's just that they are acting on what is most imperative at the time. There is a difference between what is most important and what is most imperative.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Guilty as charged 
. I have done this a million times over in many areas, wanting to control my happiness through making my will (insert any loved one) their will. This battle of addiction and codependency with my son (and my husband who I am also a major codie over!) really opened my eyes to MY need to be loved and to control. I am an adult child of alcoholics as well as a drinker and I can tell you if my kids tried to tell me what to do, I would be a pompous ass. I am still learning each day that this nature is innate for me and to be concious that I am powerless in ALL things not mine to control.
. I have done this a million times over in many areas, wanting to control my happiness through making my will (insert any loved one) their will. This battle of addiction and codependency with my son (and my husband who I am also a major codie over!) really opened my eyes to MY need to be loved and to control. I am an adult child of alcoholics as well as a drinker and I can tell you if my kids tried to tell me what to do, I would be a pompous ass. I am still learning each day that this nature is innate for me and to be concious that I am powerless in ALL things not mine to control.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 152
Aack! Were you in my house tonight? I had a huge lapse of "letting go or being dragged" and my son called me on it. "Do you think it helps hearing that you don't trust me? That a lecture will make a difference?"
wow. spot on. I apologized.
I am looking in the mirror and it ain't pretty.
thanks for this (meant seriously, not sarcastically)
wow. spot on. I apologized.
I am looking in the mirror and it ain't pretty.
thanks for this (meant seriously, not sarcastically)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
loveme, this is just another issue that should be raised. Overweight people drain the healthcare system and jack every ones rates. This is similar to the alcoholic and/or drug addict. Thankfully, I recently took a trip to California and the overweight women in front of me was required to purchase two seats. I was grateful because there is only so much space in the seat.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh yes, I could make grown men weep and children run with only my look of scorn. Sadly, I had to give it up but every now and then I polish the crown and give it another shot.
Last edited by Ann; 02-08-2018 at 10:22 AM.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
My ex literally did this to me after the birth of our daughter. He was really mad that I had gained weight. Not only did it not help but I am pretty sure I lied to him at times (like an addict would?). It was unbearable.
(He also insisted that I go see a dietitian which I did. The dietitian told me that if I was very active prior to having a baby I needed to remain active and recommended that my ex (not yet my ex then) watch the baby while I exercise. HAHAHA!
He never agreed to that. Way too much effort.)
(He also insisted that I go see a dietitian which I did. The dietitian told me that if I was very active prior to having a baby I needed to remain active and recommended that my ex (not yet my ex then) watch the baby while I exercise. HAHAHA!
He never agreed to that. Way too much effort.)
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