positivechang

My AH's drinking is getting progressively worse; no suprise there, right!?
He legally had his license revoked for life in 2007 due to multiple DUI's, and so he isn't suppose to be driving in the first place. Yet, he will all the sudden just leave the house. He will send a text that he is getting a "candy bar" or "soda" , but I always see the car missing. He always ends up going to get drunk then driving home drunk. Heaven forbid someone gets hit by him or he is picked-up could I get in legal trouble too since my name is on the car registration? He won't allow me to take his spare car key. I worried about what I can do !? I have nightmares we both will be arrested and my infant son will go into custody.

readerbaby71

You probably wouldn't be charged criminally but could lose everything in a civil suit. I"m sorry this is happening to you.

BoxinRotz

If he's driving your vehicle which is registered in your name and you are the primary insurance holder n he hits someone....

YES. You are going to be held responsible. Have a house with home owners n the injured could take you to the cleaners. It's pretty scary isn't it?!!!

steelman1649

I dont think there is any way for you to be blamed for him taking your car. The question is, what are you going to do to prevent him from killing himself or someone else?

This certainly isn't possible for everyone depending on your situation, but I would tell him the next time he leaves in the vehicle you will call the police.

Upsetnneedhelp

His license is suspended for life? I have never heard of that and I assume he has many, many dui's? His car is a 2,000 pound weapon and he can hurt someone.

Recovering2

Why does someone with no license for life have a spare key to a car??? I don't think it's about "allowing" you to take the key. It's a public safety issue IMO. I'd slip that key off his keyring at your first opportunity. If he leaves in the car again, call the cops. Yes, if he hurts or kills someone you stand to lose everything. You are "allowing" him to put you in that situation if you stand by and do nothing when he drives away. Tough situation, but it will get alot tougher when he's caught.

RollTide

I had the same question and my attorney advised me not to let him drive any vehicle that is registered in my name.

myfreedom

My AH is on 2nd DUI. Doesn't have license back yet. He has been driving the whole time, even wrecked his bike. Doesn't seem to care. He could have his license back now BUT he has to get a breathalyzer so he is takin his good ole time. I have thought about calling the cops many times, but not sure if they can do anything without catching him in the act. I want them to take him away and not release him!!!!!!

DoubleBarrel

They most certainly would go after your auto owners policy.

You could be subpoenaed for a deposition, and if you are married, yes, they could sue you BOTH for damages, which if it exceeded your liability policy, could bankrupt you.
This depends on where you live, of course.

Usually an auto accident claim will simply go after auto coverage limits, but if its an egregious case involving injury or death and a drunken driver, all bets are off.

(Ive worked in the legal field on personal injury cases for over a decade but am not a lawyer, and this is not legal advice )

positivechang

He currently is at work, and so I am taking this time to figure out what I am going to say. I have had to call the police once before, and they drove around trying to find him for an hour! I will have to make this clear to him that I will be calling them again. Your right, recovering2, I need to slip that key off. I am being a bit cautious due to his anger issues. So, have to do this all the right way. We do not own a home, but I could not live with myself knowing he ever did something. *life sentence means 15 years* he is eligible for his license in 3 years* Scary to think as he is not doing any better.

Wisconsin

I understand caution due to anger issues. If you are gravely concerned about your safety, don't try to take his key (unless you can do it in a way that he won't get angry at or blame you). I don't think you need to tell him you're going to start calling the cops when he is on the road (drunk or otherwise), especially if you fear for your safety. Just start calling the police every time. If he's driving without a license, he'll get in trouble regardless of whether he is drunk.

I'm not advocating lying and being sneaky and trying to "entrap" your AH...just being supportive of you making choices about the situation that will protect you in light of his anger issues, AND protect defenseless people on the road while he is driving.

MIRecovery

the legal issues for me would be the least of the problems. I would not be able to live with myself if he killed somebody and I did nothing to stop it.

A very good friend of mine was involed in a drunk accident which resulted in serious injury. it cost $500000 with 200,000 dollars coming out of his pocket. He almost lost everything

NewBeginning010

If its your car they are your keys and I think you should take the key at the next opportunity. When he is straight & sober you can talk with him about how much you care for him & don't want to see him in jail or to have someone seriously injured or killed. You can even let him know that he gets the key back once the new breathalyzer is on ;-) Nothing changes if nothing changes...

If he argues with you about it.. so be it. If you feel you will be in personal danger then you have something even more important you need to seriously look at... an escape plan. I wish you & him all of the best, you can do this

MissFixit

hi

i just read your old threads. have you been able to set aside a little money in your name? is he driving your car because of the money being in his name ( per your previous posts)? did you talk w your parents about helping?

lillamy

What I'm hearing is: He's holding you hostage.
You're afraid to confront him about driving YOUR car drunk because he is scary when he is angry.

When you are "guarding" your behavior for fear of a partner acting out in anger, you are living in an abusive relationship. I'm saying this because I did -- and I thought I was imagining things and being ridiculously sensitive because in my mind, "abuse" only applied when someone beat the living you know what out of you.

That is probably a bigger problem than whatever legal issues you can get into.

Also, an infant in that situation sounds frightening to me.

NWGRITS

This is something a lot of people don't realize. Marriage links you to your spouse in many ways, including liability for accidents in a vehicle or in your home. If you are concerned about your safety, I would make calls to a DV center while you're on the horn already to the police. No one's life is worth protecting an A.

This is a touchy subject for me because our community is dealing with the fallout of drunk driving first-hand. A family here just lost their second daughter in five years to a car accident. This one last week was at the hands of a drunk driver, but I'm not sure about the accident five years ago. The twin sister who survived this latest accident just had a drain put in her head to relieve the pressure from internal bleeding. The driver of the other vehicle got away fine physically, but will be sued to high heaven. This is about more than petty codie games-- this is people's lives at stake.

Aeryn

Yes (not legal trouble as in arrested but legal trouble as in getting sued). One of the reasons I separated from my AH originally was because I was no longer willing to be on the same insurance policy as him - if you are on the same insurance policy with him (in my state you are required to be if you live together) if he gets in an accident and does property damage or worse physical harm to someone they CAN and WILL go after your personal assets. For me that mattered because in my marriage I made more money than he did and we had separate accounts and there was no way I was going to lose my savings, my pension or my hard work for him. So no I don't think you can be arrested or anything for his drunk driving but yes I know for a fact (at least where I live) you can be sued and lose everything (even if your assets are separate from his). I know because I asked a lawyer.

My solution was to move out and get my own insurance policy...then a year later I took the next step and legally separated from him.

The choice is a personal one but for me there was no way I was going to let someone else determine or even have the ability to determine (ruin) my financial future.

Now that I've been out of the marriage a while I see that the above was just one of the ways he was suffocating my life but that was a main catalyst for my original separation.

PS - the above said his choice to drink and drive is NOT your fault nor is it your responsibility to stop him. His choices his consequences. You cannot control him or change his choices - it is not your responsibility...no matter who says it is. His crimes are his fault. Blaming the wife for an AH's drinking and driving is so not cool...it's ALL on the AH. You can't control him...if he wants to drive and the car is there he'll likely find a way no matter what you do to try to stop it - that's what A's do (he'll secretly make a spare or do something). All you can control is what you do - in my case I decided that was making sure I was no longer connected to him in that way and legally protecting myself.

Hammer

Generally we do NOT give advice -- but you really need some good advice.

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Put all property, including the cars in YOUR NAME ONLY.

Get a Legal Divorce to limit liability. That protects YOU, Your House, and all the rest in the event of the probable Civil Suit that is coming when kills, injuries, etc., others.

You can still be together, if you want. But do not represent yourself as married.

Have him as a Named Excluded on your auto insurance.

Forbid him by legal order from driving any of your cars.

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This should give you pretty much a "firewall" even if he DUI's someone else's car.

Wisconsin

I just want to clarify that if your car(s) and/or home are in both of your names, you generally cannot just go out and have them put in your name alone. It would require his written consent, or a court order in connection with a divorce.

Also, in many states getting a divorce "for show" and continuing to live together as man and wife could still subject you to civil legal liability if your alcoholic partner damaged property or injured someone while driving under the influence. It varies widely from state-to-state, but some jurisdictions absolutely will basically ignore legal action (divorce) that was taken solely for the purpose of avoiding certain liabilities (I am reminded of a man in Florida, I think, who tried adopting his young girlfriend to shield his assets from civil damages in a drunk driving case).

Bottom line: talk to a lawyer in your area to get an idea of what your options are. Most lawyers will consult with you for free for an hour.

MissFixit

based on her first post about him freezing her out if the family bank account, he doesnt sound like he would be willing to concede monetary assets. control and all.

sorry to take away from original topic. i read her other threads earlier today.