tnpete

Last night, I gathered all of my pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters. Added that to the remaining 88 cents of mTurk earnings on my ADP TotalPay card, and I had enough for one more 40oz of swill. And today, I feel bankrupt in more ways than one. I ain't worth a pot today. I do this over and over...

I'm going to start posting here and following the threads again. I've done it a little bit before, and it helped with the loneliness. All drinking is doing for me right now is filling in blank and blue spots of my life, and I know there has to be a better way to manage these blues.

hayley86

Welcome back tnpete, there is lots of support here. Best wishes.

BriteBabyBlue

I am glad you are back.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back TNpete. I would argue that the drinking is actuallly causing the blank and blue spots, not filling them in. I tried the same thing and it always got worse, never better. SR is a powerful place, I use it as my primary method of support - glad you are here and hope you can find strength to pull yourself out of the cycle too.

FourSeasons

Welcome back Tnpete!! Just remember nothing changes if nothing changes! Be the change you want to see in the world!! (thank Ghandi for that one!!!)

firstymer

Hi, tnpete. I am glad you are here with us. In addition to advice and support, I have found that the good people here have helped me feel less lonely too. I hope the same for you. Post often and I am sure you will receive lots of comforting feedback. Good luck.

advbike

Good luck tnpete, this site has been very helpful to me in gaining sobriety.

least

Welcome back. I'm glad you're trying sobriety again. Living sober really rocks, you know.

instant

There is a way out of the cycle to freedom- keep at it

Dee74

welcome back tnpete

I remember spending my last loose change on beer too - and being literally penniless. Not a good feeling.

I'm glad you're back. It might sound like a cliche but I really believe the more work we put into our recovery the more we get out of it

D

tnpete

Thanks everybody for the kind words. I know when I'm posting here and going through threads, I'm in the right place. It's one step out of the dark into some light.

I spent some time with a friend yesterday and processed some of these choices I've been making. Mainly, choosing to get drunk over purchasing my medication and basic amenities like food and toilet paper. Being too proud to even ask for help with these things because I'm such a burden after over a year of extreme poverty and loneliness. It felt good to come out from behind the drawn shades and process some of this.

I even admitted that I honestly don't have much to live for. Nobody to impress or even answer to anymore. Diabetic. Depressed. Alcoholic. The odds aren't really in my favor. But this is a painful way to go about managing life, especially for a guy that has witnessed and believes in true love, compassion, and recovery.

Onward!