NoGoingBack

Hi everyone, new member here so thought I'd make an introduction. I think I'll be here a lot over the foreseeable future...

A little background; I'm 34 years old, self employed and alchoholic.
Today the level of my drinking hit home when I started to feel very unwell, nauseous, sweating, dizzy, uncoordinated and pains around liver area.

I have been drinking heavily for the last 8 years or so I guess, but it was always social and not every day.

Over the last 6 months or so, it's got worse & worse, I didn't realise how big a tolerance I really have until today when I realised that over the course of the day yesterday I'd consumed over 40 uk units (3 bottles of wine, some vodka & several cans of cider)

My partner has no idea of the level of my drinking and I'm embarrassed and ashamed.

I get up every day and do my job, but we run a public house so alchoholic is always on tap. I hide how much I drink and recently I've been drinking morning noon and night, starting as soon as I think I can sneak the first one in.

I don't suffer hangovers any more, I just kind of get up in the morning and pretty much start where I left off the night before.

I've had some counselling in the past but didn't find it helped very much.
I had surgery 5 weeks ago and managed to stay sober for 96 hours afterwards but as soon as I started to feel better I went back to drinking and over the last 5 weeks its escalated alarmingly and I'm just making excuses to myself and lying to everyone else around me....

Self esteem is non existent ATM, I generally feel like I've failed myself and my loved ones.

Seriously scared about the health side of things, I always told myself I'd be ok but I realise I'm drinking myself to death.

I'm too scared to tell anyone who knows me about this.

I've drunk today (Thursday), 12 uk units but that's still 3 times the daily recommended limit and I feel like crap.

I've made the decision to try cold turkey again, when I did the 96 hours I'd actually started to feel better but couldn't get out of the house as I couldn't walk after the surgery.

So anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some support and advise as I take the first steps on this journey, I know it's going to be hard but it needs to be done. I can't keep running and I'm scared.

Sorry for the length of this first post.

Marcher13

Welcome NoGoingBack, you'll find a huge amount of support here at SR I'm self-employed too, I've been sober seven months thanks to SR and I don't get those hangovers-that-aren't-hangovers anymore. The same can happen to you.

Mags1

Hi welcome to SR, I gain a lot off help on this site just by reading peoples experiences, ii realise I'm not on my own. I hope you can find some help and encouragement.
I drank every day and it does get easier, the urges and cravings, each day. One step at a time.

NoGoingBack

Well it all starts here, I had what I'm calling my last drink a couple of hours ago.
I know I'm not going to sleep tonight but let's see, I think I'm going to be drinking a lot of sweet strong tea for a while!

Try18

Well done! Perhaps see your doctor about it, as that is quite a lot to stop without medical supervision. I am on day 2, also in the UK. Not sleeping and feeling physically awful. I know it gets better though. Like you I am young (27) and have hidden this relapse from my family. But we are only as sick as our secrets and my God has it escalated fast. I can relate to your post in many ways. Welcome and i wish you well.