Addiction
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Addiction
As I prepare for my step reading tonight and therapy session tomorrow, I had an interest thought that I wanted to share. As many of you have read, I believe my alcoholism is more about the obsession and the way I do everything and less about the booze. In fact, I have written a lot about how alcohol for me is just a horse on my addictive merry go round - as I remove it the next horse or addiction comes spinning around whether, cigarettes, drugs, sex, sugar, carbs, exercise, work, music - some good and some bad.
So as I prepare for surgery next week and had the convo with my Doc that I don't want any narcotics (this happened today) and I decided today to remove sugar from my diet it struck me that many people may actually be wired this way but just not know it.
I mean I look at how many obese people walk around hooked on sodas regular and diet. Smoking while knowing the proven dangers or scarfing down a sandwich like its their last. Clearly this is more obsessive behavior than necessity to energize.
This is not to say that I am rationalizing my disease. I am an alcoholic and an addict and I cannot moderate when it comes to drinking or drugging. If I could I would not be posting and would be enjoying a drink right about now. But rather curiosity about just how many people seem to be inflicted with Addiction. And if as AA suggests (sort of what I know) the cause of this Maladay is a broken spirituality and our society is evolving towards evolution vs creation than are we not doomed for failure? Whether this be in the form of people shooting up schools, drinking themselves to death, shooting up till they die or eating themselves to death?
I welcome any thoughts on the topic whether this post irritates or inspires.
So as I prepare for surgery next week and had the convo with my Doc that I don't want any narcotics (this happened today) and I decided today to remove sugar from my diet it struck me that many people may actually be wired this way but just not know it.
I mean I look at how many obese people walk around hooked on sodas regular and diet. Smoking while knowing the proven dangers or scarfing down a sandwich like its their last. Clearly this is more obsessive behavior than necessity to energize.
This is not to say that I am rationalizing my disease. I am an alcoholic and an addict and I cannot moderate when it comes to drinking or drugging. If I could I would not be posting and would be enjoying a drink right about now. But rather curiosity about just how many people seem to be inflicted with Addiction. And if as AA suggests (sort of what I know) the cause of this Maladay is a broken spirituality and our society is evolving towards evolution vs creation than are we not doomed for failure? Whether this be in the form of people shooting up schools, drinking themselves to death, shooting up till they die or eating themselves to death?
I welcome any thoughts on the topic whether this post irritates or inspires.
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I am not sure if this is even where you were going with this post, jdooner, but I think I lived the first part of my life "fast and furious". I acted emotionally on everything and convinced myself I could handle anything and everything, never reflecting that a lot of what I was "handling" was self imposed. I was a very successful reactor to things and that probably brought a high in itself, constantly problem solving _ my dramas and everyone else's in my life. The gift sobriety has brought to me is forcing me to slow down and truly live consciously. I now consider everything (food and drink and supplements, etc.) that I am choosing to put into my body. I now take a deep breath and think and pray before I say my peace to anyone. I force myself to observe my feelings, particularly how they affect me physically, instead of instantly trying to change them, or mask them. I think I am learning that slowing down is okay and healthier in a lot of situations. Again, not sure if this is what you meant, but I like the blessing of consciousness that sobriety has brought to the whole of my life, not just relating to my alcohol intake.
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Poorly written and a bit of stream of consciousness. I guess, I am wondering if I am seeing addiction all around me now or if I have become addicted to my own addictions and therefore seeing what I want to see?
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My mother's best friend believes everyone is addicted to something. She may have a point. I am trying to let go of what other people are addicted to and focus on my own issues. They are the only addictions I have any power to control anyway.
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Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
I am not sure if this is even where you were going with this post, jdooner, but I think I lived the first part of my life "fast and furious". I acted emotionally on everything and convinced myself I could handle anything and everything, never reflecting that a lot of what I was "handling" was self imposed. I was a very successful reactor to things and that probably brought a high in itself, constantly problem solving _ my dramas and everyone else's in my life. The gift sobriety has brought to me is forcing me to slow down and truly live consciously. I now consider everything (food and drink and supplements, etc.) that I am choosing to put into my body. I now take a deep breath and think and pray before I say my peace to anyone. I force myself to observe my feelings, particularly how they affect me physically, instead of instantly trying to change them, or mask them. I think I am learning that slowing down is okay and healthier in a lot of situations. Again, not sure if this is what you meant, but I like the blessing of consciousness that sobriety has brought to the whole of my life, not just relating to my alcohol intake.
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JD, have you seen the work of Dr Gabor Mate? He treats the worst addicts in Vancouver and has written a book called 'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts' which details problems with addiction and our society. He believes most addiction is self-medication of emotional pain resulting from early childhood trauma and a compulsive, stressful society.
According to his theory, those with early childhood stress have a brain that seeks out the high of endorphins and dopamine, whether through compulsive drug and alcohol use, sex, shopping or even exercise. Personally, it fits my pattern, having experienced early stress and loss myself, and suffered from addictive compulsions due to emotional stress all of my life.
I plan to read the book myself, and you might also want to look at his work, there are several posted YouTube video interviews with him also.
According to his theory, those with early childhood stress have a brain that seeks out the high of endorphins and dopamine, whether through compulsive drug and alcohol use, sex, shopping or even exercise. Personally, it fits my pattern, having experienced early stress and loss myself, and suffered from addictive compulsions due to emotional stress all of my life.
I plan to read the book myself, and you might also want to look at his work, there are several posted YouTube video interviews with him also.
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Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
convinced myself I could handle anything and everything, never reflecting that a lot of what I was "handling" was self imposed.
The other day i said to my therapist that I think that most of what a lot of us are searching for is a way to get energy. We place such a high value on accomplishing. And I feel like we also place a premium on being extroverted. I am starting to realize I am not extroverted. And yes, I think I was addicted to chasing some sort of a manic energy so that I could outperform.
Someone said something here recently about a loved one's second attempt at sobriety and that she felt it was more authentic because it was a quieter more focused attempt. I feel like I have to go way way back and it is taking a lot of introspection to figure out what mattered to me before I took on assumed roles. I have spent an enormous amount of time really just thinking.
I think someone can be addicted to be successful, and defying odds. I used to love to compete to get the job, but not really want the job. I was more addicted to the thrill of being desired. ugh...this sobriety stuff is bringing a lot of crap out into the sunlight...
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Originally Posted by jdooner
I guess, I am wondering if I am seeing addiction all around me now or if I have become addicted to my own addictions and therefore seeing what I want to see?
Personally, I believe everyone has their own internal demons regardless if it is in the form of an addiction or otherwise.
And addiction has been around since the beginning of time.
I also believe that today's societal ills are really just various manifestations /mutations of past ills that have carried forth from one generation to another generation since the beginning of time. Society was violent in the dark ages and it is violent today. Addiction was common in the dark ages and it is today.
Also, keep in mind, at one time in the world's history, plump people were considered desirable. It was a symbol of wealth and power. That is because the majority of people had no money and no food. They were skinny and malnourished... just like our top fashion models of today!!!
Go figure...
I dunno...
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1st it's not poorly written, actually the opposite. I gave up sugar as well as alot of other things early on while training for a 1/2 marathon. And while I didn't do the marathon due to burnout, I have continued the diet.
On the addiction point, the way I see it, at least for me, when we get to a point of introspect overload we NEED to look outside ourselves. Sometimes its to find justification and vindication, and sometimes its just to say **** im not that bad. You are so acutely aware of your own maladies its easy to recognize them in others. I often find myself analyzing people I don't even know, watching the addictive red flag behaviors as an onlooker. Basically I think in a nut shell our sensory overloaded society is inundated with a bunch of hedonistic, narsasistic, attention seeking a holes
!
I think it's human nature to be an addict, it's having the where with all to stay in tuned with yourself ( which you are) to catch things that may ordinarily be healthy from becoming all consuming. You doing great work, don't second guess yourself. Enjoy your step work, just don't fall down the steps on the way
.
Hope I haven't offended you, was not me intention
On the addiction point, the way I see it, at least for me, when we get to a point of introspect overload we NEED to look outside ourselves. Sometimes its to find justification and vindication, and sometimes its just to say **** im not that bad. You are so acutely aware of your own maladies its easy to recognize them in others. I often find myself analyzing people I don't even know, watching the addictive red flag behaviors as an onlooker. Basically I think in a nut shell our sensory overloaded society is inundated with a bunch of hedonistic, narsasistic, attention seeking a holes
! I think it's human nature to be an addict, it's having the where with all to stay in tuned with yourself ( which you are) to catch things that may ordinarily be healthy from becoming all consuming. You doing great work, don't second guess yourself. Enjoy your step work, just don't fall down the steps on the way
.Hope I haven't offended you, was not me intention
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To me addiction was like buying a new car. Once I bought that car I was astounded at how many of the same make and model were already on the road.
When I admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic, I saw alcoholism and addiction everywhere. It was like blinders were lifted from my eyes.
When I admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic, I saw alcoholism and addiction everywhere. It was like blinders were lifted from my eyes.
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Advbike - just downloaded to my iPad. Will read after my Power of Now. This totally makes sense to me. I had lots of trauma as a young child. Can't wait till therapy tomorrow, so much to talk about.
Thanks everyone - I know it was a bit off center but your responses helped.
My sponsor said nothing, we simply studied Bill's story in the Big Book. Ironically when I first read e BB, I called my sponsor from Asia and told him I can't relate to any of these people even Bill. Now when I read it, I see [II am [/I] Bill. He has later told me he was worried about me bc he never knew anyone that fit Bill's personality more closely than me. S when I start getting ahead of myself we read it together. Anyhow thanks.
Thanks everyone - I know it was a bit off center but your responses helped.
My sponsor said nothing, we simply studied Bill's story in the Big Book. Ironically when I first read e BB, I called my sponsor from Asia and told him I can't relate to any of these people even Bill. Now when I read it, I see [II am [/I] Bill. He has later told me he was worried about me bc he never knew anyone that fit Bill's personality more closely than me. S when I start getting ahead of myself we read it together. Anyhow thanks.
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Alcohol has little to do with alcoholism other than that alcohol treats alcoholism. Without alcohol, I need a new "treatment." That is where those 12 steps come in.....
I wish you well on your sober journey!
I wish you well on your sober journey!
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ADV, I have been reading Realm of Hungry Ghosts, due to your suggestion. At first, I found it just interesting reading. The author writes very well. He works with the true skid row addicts in Vancouver and like I said, sadly, at first, it was just voyearistic for me, reading about some really scary down and out addiction stories. These are the kind of stories that I used to use to justify that I didn't really have a problem, because certainly, I wasn't nearly that bad. Also, we vacationed in Vancouver this summer and I remember feeling a lot of negative energy there and seeing a lot of addicts wandering around (supposedly it is the Heroin Capital of the World?!?). So, I was enjoying the book but when I hit Chapter Nine, Takes One to Know One and he starts explaining the difference between passion and addiction, I almost fell out of my chair. It became very evident to me that I need to take a closer look at some of my "passions" as some may truly be addictions. An excerpt from the book really struck me (see below):
"Addictions, even as they resemble normal human yearnings, are more about desire than attainment. In the addicted mode, the emotional charge is in the pursuit and the acquisition of the desired object, not in the possession and enjoyment of it. The greatest pleasure is in the momentary satisfaction of yearning.
The fundamental addiction is to the fleeting experience of not being addicted. The addict craves the absence of the craving state. For a brief moment, he's liberated from emptiness, from boredom, from lack of meaning, from yearning, from being driven from pain.
. . . . Any passion can become an addiction; but then how to distinguish between the two? The central question is: who's in charge, the individual or their behavior?
. . . . In doubt, ask yourself one simple question: given the harm you're doing to yourself and others, are you willing to stop? If not, you are addicted. And if you are unable to renounce the behavior or to keep your pledge when you do, you're addicted."
It gets better and better from there. Thank you for the excellent resource, ADV. I think my learning curve has gone through the roof from the short time I have been on this forum with everyone's excellent advice and resources.
"Addictions, even as they resemble normal human yearnings, are more about desire than attainment. In the addicted mode, the emotional charge is in the pursuit and the acquisition of the desired object, not in the possession and enjoyment of it. The greatest pleasure is in the momentary satisfaction of yearning.
The fundamental addiction is to the fleeting experience of not being addicted. The addict craves the absence of the craving state. For a brief moment, he's liberated from emptiness, from boredom, from lack of meaning, from yearning, from being driven from pain.
. . . . Any passion can become an addiction; but then how to distinguish between the two? The central question is: who's in charge, the individual or their behavior?
. . . . In doubt, ask yourself one simple question: given the harm you're doing to yourself and others, are you willing to stop? If not, you are addicted. And if you are unable to renounce the behavior or to keep your pledge when you do, you're addicted."
It gets better and better from there. Thank you for the excellent resource, ADV. I think my learning curve has gone through the roof from the short time I have been on this forum with everyone's excellent advice and resources.
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I too bought the book on ADV's suggestion - I have not started reading as I am still going through The Power of Now currently. I go under the knife tomorrow and should have a bit of reading time on my hands during my recovery so I look forward to reading this.
DD - I too am learning much about myself and the addict inside me. Seems like there was only two outcomes given how I am wired: 1) death; or 2) recovery.
DD - I too am learning much about myself and the addict inside me. Seems like there was only two outcomes given how I am wired: 1) death; or 2) recovery.
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