Self Acceptance
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Self Acceptance
Just looking for thoughts on this topic.
I'm a googling fool this morning reading up on this because it occurred to me last night that for all the acceptance that I have about being powerless over alcohol, RAH & our situation, I'm not sure I ever gave myself the same respect as an individual. (Or maybe I thought I did but now I've had a shift in perspective that makes me see it differently?)
I suspect that any lack of self-acceptance on my part goes back to my ACoA foundation & that maybe I've always judged myself (the flipside of acceptance?) internally even when I don't realize it.
For a simple example - I believe that we are so much more than our physical appearances so when I put on 15+ lbs after RAH started recovery it should've been no big deal, right? I know I'm still the same person inside, nothing substantial about who I am as a person has changed essentially and it is an absolute non-issue with my partner. In reality I beat myself up emotionally, mentally & every other possible way about it & have done that every single day since the change occurred. In reality my partner is showing me more acceptance than I am myself.
I go back & forth between rage at my lack of discipline in correcting it, anger when I am working hard at it & getting no results, looking for external factors that would "explain" it, judging myself for "letting" it happen, being depressed over it all & talking myself back into a neutral place in between these stages. Never actually just accepting that this is just where I am now & that I'm just as I'm supposed to be. This is every. single. day. I have *some* emotion every. single. day. about my weight; typically many times during the day.
Like I said - just a physical example that is easy to relate to. But when I apply this same thought process to my less tangible qualities, I don't know that I've truly accepted myself & my limitations. I think I have pretty good awareness - I can identify characteristics about myself, but that doesn't automatically bring acceptance.
Can any of you share how you practice self-acceptance in your daily life or as part of your recovery progress in general? I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking so I'm sorry this is kind of scattered.
I'm a googling fool this morning reading up on this because it occurred to me last night that for all the acceptance that I have about being powerless over alcohol, RAH & our situation, I'm not sure I ever gave myself the same respect as an individual. (Or maybe I thought I did but now I've had a shift in perspective that makes me see it differently?)
I suspect that any lack of self-acceptance on my part goes back to my ACoA foundation & that maybe I've always judged myself (the flipside of acceptance?) internally even when I don't realize it.
For a simple example - I believe that we are so much more than our physical appearances so when I put on 15+ lbs after RAH started recovery it should've been no big deal, right? I know I'm still the same person inside, nothing substantial about who I am as a person has changed essentially and it is an absolute non-issue with my partner. In reality I beat myself up emotionally, mentally & every other possible way about it & have done that every single day since the change occurred. In reality my partner is showing me more acceptance than I am myself.
I go back & forth between rage at my lack of discipline in correcting it, anger when I am working hard at it & getting no results, looking for external factors that would "explain" it, judging myself for "letting" it happen, being depressed over it all & talking myself back into a neutral place in between these stages. Never actually just accepting that this is just where I am now & that I'm just as I'm supposed to be. This is every. single. day. I have *some* emotion every. single. day. about my weight; typically many times during the day.
Like I said - just a physical example that is easy to relate to. But when I apply this same thought process to my less tangible qualities, I don't know that I've truly accepted myself & my limitations. I think I have pretty good awareness - I can identify characteristics about myself, but that doesn't automatically bring acceptance.
Can any of you share how you practice self-acceptance in your daily life or as part of your recovery progress in general? I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking so I'm sorry this is kind of scattered.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I think I know what you mean FS. I have gained some weight over the years, etc. I have become my own worst critic. My 14 y.o. told me the other day I looked pretty that day and I immediately thought "yea right." I think I have been so involved with worry that even when I don't have something to worry about with my AH or my kids I internally turn to myself and worry and start to critique myself. It's an evil cycle.
I am slowly learning that when I am more kind to myself I am a better person. My kids told me last night what a great mom I am. It made me so happy to hear because they are what I care about most in life. My sister told me this morning that I overthink things so much that I need to learn to just hold still and be in the moment and not dwell on the future so much. That is so so right.
Hugs to you Firesprite....may today be a good one!
I am slowly learning that when I am more kind to myself I am a better person. My kids told me last night what a great mom I am. It made me so happy to hear because they are what I care about most in life. My sister told me this morning that I overthink things so much that I need to learn to just hold still and be in the moment and not dwell on the future so much. That is so so right.
Hugs to you Firesprite....may today be a good one!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
This is going to be a lifelong struggle for me. I make great strides in specific areas (I used to agonize over not getting cast in roles I wanted; now I can accept that casting is the least personal thing in the world and it really has never had anything to do with Who I Am) but have made no progress in others (been trying to lose the same ten pounds for five years now...).
I know it all comes from my ACoA background, that ingrained belief that there is Something I Can Do or Have to Make Happiness Happen NOW! FASTER! ALWAYS! -- even though I've proven to myself time and again that the only way to happiness and contentment is total acceptance of how things are, including & especially me.
So I try to practice conscious acknowledgement of why I'm feeling poorly about myself as soon as I recognize that I'm feeling that way. I also try to step outside my comfort zone whenever possible (facing fears). But I still fail to notice when I've been beating myself up sometimes, and it sends me to a dark place. Or to a lot of online shopping (surely this new outfit will change me into the person I wish I were!).
But when I am feeling my LEAST self-accepting, I mostly focus on surrounding myself with people who genuinely seem to like, love, and/or appreciate what I bring to the table (even when don't think I'm bringing it myself). I am blessed with many good mirrors in my life, people who reflect back the most likable parts of myself. I have a poor mirror here and there, but I know who they are and I avoid them when I'm not feeling great. In this way, I can move beyond identifying who I am, and into a place of accepting it.
I know it all comes from my ACoA background, that ingrained belief that there is Something I Can Do or Have to Make Happiness Happen NOW! FASTER! ALWAYS! -- even though I've proven to myself time and again that the only way to happiness and contentment is total acceptance of how things are, including & especially me.
So I try to practice conscious acknowledgement of why I'm feeling poorly about myself as soon as I recognize that I'm feeling that way. I also try to step outside my comfort zone whenever possible (facing fears). But I still fail to notice when I've been beating myself up sometimes, and it sends me to a dark place. Or to a lot of online shopping (surely this new outfit will change me into the person I wish I were!).
But when I am feeling my LEAST self-accepting, I mostly focus on surrounding myself with people who genuinely seem to like, love, and/or appreciate what I bring to the table (even when don't think I'm bringing it myself). I am blessed with many good mirrors in my life, people who reflect back the most likable parts of myself. I have a poor mirror here and there, but I know who they are and I avoid them when I'm not feeling great. In this way, I can move beyond identifying who I am, and into a place of accepting it.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
I will await the more experienced self-accepting people to come along and give some answers. But just know, I'm right there with you!
(Actually looks like they already did while I just had the window open
)
(Actually looks like they already did while I just had the window open
)
Last edited by isitme; 11-07-2013 at 11:59 AM. Reason: Added..
My counselor says I need to forgive myself... I just am not sure how to do that yet.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I will just say, that for me this has been done a piece at a time, a day at a time, and I am not there completely yet. When I step back, get some perspective, that is when I see the most amazing growth. When I let myself I have a tendency to get caught up in what I don't do well.
I started with small things. I am also in recovery for an eating disorder so a lot of it started for me around food. I had to give myself permission over and over again that eating was okay.
I had to stop beating myself up first, BEFORE I could start with feeling loving toward myself. Under times of stress, especially emotional; I slip back into old ways.
I will say one thing. Beating myself up that I was not further on my recovery journey then were I was was NOT helpful.
Sometimes prayer worked, sometimes feeling worked, sometimes talking about it worked.
What was important for me was that I did not give up on myself.
I started with small things. I am also in recovery for an eating disorder so a lot of it started for me around food. I had to give myself permission over and over again that eating was okay.
I had to stop beating myself up first, BEFORE I could start with feeling loving toward myself. Under times of stress, especially emotional; I slip back into old ways.
I will say one thing. Beating myself up that I was not further on my recovery journey then were I was was NOT helpful.
Sometimes prayer worked, sometimes feeling worked, sometimes talking about it worked.
What was important for me was that I did not give up on myself.
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