SadPandaBear

Hello all, I could really use your advice.

My husband isn't looking so well, he continues to drink from waking up at 6am to passing out by 9pm or so, everyday. With a nap or 2 in between. He has a couple of screwdrivers throughout the morning, then a 5-7 beers, then red wine with dinner, then a couple of JD's on the rocks, then it's lights out for him.

This really isn't good, he keeps asking me how he's going to quit and I tell him that he's done it before and that he just needs to get through the first day and we'll go from there. I tell him that i don't like seeing what he's doing to himself. I can see physically that he is slowly going downhill.

I need everyone's help on this subject because I really don't know what to do. Should I call someone to come and pick him up to go to a detox facility without him knowing they are coming? I'm bawling my eyes out trying to type this. Would he ever forgive me for doing something like that?

What is the alternative? Just sit back and watch him do this to himself? He's 52 and has been drinking since his 20's, this heavily for the last 3 or 4.

He won't go to a doctor and he won't quit on his own. I'm not trying to sound dramatic but I'm getting fearful of his health and of his life if he keeps going at this rate. Should I call a rehab center to see what the protocol is? Do any of you have any experience with interventions? Can you offer any other words of wisdom? What I should or shouldn't do? Thanks to all.

Skye2

I really feel for you - my best friend was going through a similar thing and in the end, she couldn't take it anymore and left her husband.
If your hubbie is drinking that amount, then I strongly suggest he detoxes with medical supervision but the bottom line is..he needs to WANT to quit.
Do you think he does want to?

SadPandaBear

Hello and thank you for the reply. I do think he wants to quit, he says he's angry with himself because he wants to get his 'stuff' together and start exercising and feeling better. When he starts to feel really lousy, he wants to quit. Then he'll start up again when he feels better.

I agree about detoxing under medical supervision, especially now, from what I've learned about DT's among other things on here. I wonder if I can talk him into a detox center. He has only ever quit via cold turkey, on his own but with the help of Xanax.

Skye2

How about introducing him to the forum here? Perhaps when he has a good read around, he'll be more open to medical detox? Just a thought and forgot to say to SR Xx

Coldfusion

Thanks for posting here Panda!

I went to an inpatient detox program, largely because I did not want my wife to have to be around me while I detoxed. It made the whole process easier, largely because the different surroundings are such a distraction.

awuh1

He will need some medical supervision for the detox, whether at home or inpatient.

I would recommend that he go to an AA meeting. He would not need to be sober to go, but it would be good for him to have some small bit of desire to stop drinking. He will hear stories from lots of folks who have been in his shoes. It might encourage him to make some bigger commitments to change.

You can locate a meeting in your area with this link Alcoholics Anonymous : HOW TO FIND A.A. MEETINGS

Skye2

There are, of course, non AA meeting options which I'm sure the medics would know about and are also mentioned further down the main page of the site here

Dee74

Hi SadPandaBear

I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find support here.

I'm not American but as far as I know it's very hard to get someone into treatment if they don't want to go, or to meetings or Drs come to that.

As you'd know already it's hard to get people to stop if they don't really want to stop.

what I recommend is a little change of emphasis - why not think about you and your needs?

I've read your other thread about you being an alcoholic too.

Find support for you dealing with this situation, and support for you own recovery.

Have you heard of AlAnon? I think the support and knowledge you would gain there could be invaluable.

You might also want to check out our Family and Friends forums. You'll find people down there who've been through what you're going through

Of course you'll find support here too, and for your own recovery as well.

I know how desperately you must want your husband to change, and how devastated you must feel that nothing is happening there.

You must know yourself tho that the desire for change has to come from inside us.

There is always hope tho

I was an alcoholic for over 20 years and I turned my life around - I hope you and your husband will too

D

least

Unfortunately not much can be done for your husband, short of staging an intervention, unless he wants to get sober for himself. It's impossible to 'make' him want it.

What about yourself? Look after yourself during these troubled times. Do you have real life support? AlAnon could be helpful to you in dealing with your husband. And there's our friends and family forums too. You deserve a peaceful life.


Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hawkeye13

Hi sadpanda;
I'm sorry for what you are going through but must agree with other posters that your husband must want to change for it to work.

I think Dee is right and you should look at your own needs in this situation.

This may not be how you want to continue to live, and as long as you enable your husband to stay home and drink daily, he may not ever choose to change.
So perhaps this situation is not good for either one of you.

I wish you and your husband the very best.

SadPandaBear

Thank you so much for your support and guidance. He is an atheist but I would love to see us both go to meetings. Just for the fellowship. We are both isolated.

As for alanon, wouldn't I be a hippocrate as that group is for non-alcoholics?

So, being an alcoholic in recovery, I'm enabling my husband to drink all day? What am I supposed to do, tie him up, lol? I'd dump out all of his booze and hide the car keys but there are plenty of liquor stores within a 3 block radius he can walk to, and plenty of bars within a 2 block radius if those stores are closed.

awuh1

SadPandaBear, I was in no way spiritual or religious when alcohol ushered me into an AA meeting. You (and/or he) will likely hear a prayer when you are there, but if you are tolerant enough to withstand others having different beliefs I believe AA might be of enormous benefit.

Also, Alanon is not restricted to non-alcoholics.

Anna

AlAnon is for family of alcoholics. It wouldn't matter whether or not you are an alcoholic. AlAnon is to support you by helping you to focus on yourself, rather than your husband.

What you are saying is obvious. He is an adult. You can't make him go to a detox centre and you can't make him stop drinking. All you can do is to take care of yourself and take the focus off your husband.