Completely new to sobriety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 1
Completely new to sobriety
So, first off I'm on day 3 of sobriety, and I'm a virgin to attempting sobriety or recovery. I've been here before, I've gone even longer without consciously thinking about it. But I feel like I've come to a cross roads. So here goes.
Sobriety makes me nervous. Fear of failure. Fear that I haven't hit "rock bottom" like most addicts talk about needing to do before deciding that sobriety is the end all. Quite honestly I don't know where my rock bottom would be, probably somewhere that lands me in jail for a long time or even worse.
A little about me, I'm 30, single, live alone, and I have a full-time professional job I've been lucky to keep throughout my drinking as an accountant. I'm the classic binge drinker. I never feel the urge to drink everyday, and never have morning cravings, but once I start drinking whether 7PM or 9AM, I can't stop until I'm asleep or passed out. I keep chasing the rabbit down the hole. (It actually feels rather empowering to write this out, I'm noticing it right now because I've never put it into words before.) I'm also the classic guy that can hit the bar alone, make friends with everyone although I've never felt more lonely at any other time in my life. Moderation, like others on here have written about, doesn't work for me. It might work for a little while, but like anything else, give me an inch and I'll end up taking a mile.
I came across this site 2 days ago, and it's been really helpful reading about some of your stories and the things you're going through as well. It actually makes me feel less lonely and more like a part of something bigger knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way. I really appreciate any support or ideas you can throw my way. Thanks.
Sobriety makes me nervous. Fear of failure. Fear that I haven't hit "rock bottom" like most addicts talk about needing to do before deciding that sobriety is the end all. Quite honestly I don't know where my rock bottom would be, probably somewhere that lands me in jail for a long time or even worse.
A little about me, I'm 30, single, live alone, and I have a full-time professional job I've been lucky to keep throughout my drinking as an accountant. I'm the classic binge drinker. I never feel the urge to drink everyday, and never have morning cravings, but once I start drinking whether 7PM or 9AM, I can't stop until I'm asleep or passed out. I keep chasing the rabbit down the hole. (It actually feels rather empowering to write this out, I'm noticing it right now because I've never put it into words before.) I'm also the classic guy that can hit the bar alone, make friends with everyone although I've never felt more lonely at any other time in my life. Moderation, like others on here have written about, doesn't work for me. It might work for a little while, but like anything else, give me an inch and I'll end up taking a mile.
I came across this site 2 days ago, and it's been really helpful reading about some of your stories and the things you're going through as well. It actually makes me feel less lonely and more like a part of something bigger knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way. I really appreciate any support or ideas you can throw my way. Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi Toro - welcome 
Recovery made me nervous too - what if I couldn't do it?
even more scary - what if I could?
If that kind of stuff is messing with you, I think it's important to stay in the day as much as possible. You can't do anything about tomorrow until it arrives.
all you have to do, on any given day, is stay sober for that day....then you back it up again the next day.
It's just a way of looking at it that centres on the now, on what we do right now.
After a while, I realised that I wasn't as scared anymore of staying sober, cos when I looked back I saw that I was already doing it
D
Recovery made me nervous too - what if I couldn't do it?
even more scary - what if I could?
If that kind of stuff is messing with you, I think it's important to stay in the day as much as possible. You can't do anything about tomorrow until it arrives.
all you have to do, on any given day, is stay sober for that day....then you back it up again the next day.
It's just a way of looking at it that centres on the now, on what we do right now.
After a while, I realised that I wasn't as scared anymore of staying sober, cos when I looked back I saw that I was already doing it
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
Posts: 196
Welcome Toro! I'm on day 4 and just found this forum. It is amazing, and the people and support are uncommon I'm sure. I was like you at 30. Professional and very good at my job. On the weekends and maybe one or two nights a week I would tie one on with good company. Never got in trouble (pure luck, I could have killed someone or myself) other than when my wife got pissed about me laying around all day the next day. The binge drinking to oblivion slowly tapered off over the years and was replaced by drinking a twelve pack a night nearly every night. I neglected family, lost interest in my profession, changed careers twice to no increased satisfaction. Listened to my daughter cry in her bed as my wife consoled her and whispered, "I don't know why your dad drinks so much honey. Try and go to sleep." Toro, you get to decide where your rock bottom is. Don't wait for a mythical absolute bottom, because I believe that is death. You have a lot of peoples support here!
to SR! You've come to a great place for support. I'm glad you joined us. 
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Toro, the thing about having to reach rock bottom is a myth, or at least everyone has their own rock bottom. I was still holding down a job and drinking, but I knew I had a problem and it was progressively getting worse.
Giving up for good is scary but becomes less so as time goes on. Give yourself a goal like a year and see what happens.
Giving up for good is scary but becomes less so as time goes on. Give yourself a goal like a year and see what happens.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Hi toro and welcome.
I was also a binger, could go days or even weeks for a long time. Gradually binges got closer together and it began to impede on my work etc.
I didn't hit "bottom" but I could see where it would be going if I didn't do something.
So I suggest you forget the myth and grab the reality of today, which is really all any of us has. Good luck and keep posting .
I was also a binger, could go days or even weeks for a long time. Gradually binges got closer together and it began to impede on my work etc.
I didn't hit "bottom" but I could see where it would be going if I didn't do something.
So I suggest you forget the myth and grab the reality of today, which is really all any of us has. Good luck and keep posting .
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Welcome Toro! Fellow former binge drinking accountant in the exact same place you were a few weeks ago. I feel a lot better now. You've definitely come to the right place for support.
I like your analogy of 'chasing the rabbit down the hole'. That was me, I could start drinking at 12pm or 12am and would carry on running until I passed out and I never did catch that damn rabbit. Looking back I don't think it was ever there in the first place and chasing after it was exhausting.
Good luck with the sobriety and enjoy the time free from the 'chase'
I like your analogy of 'chasing the rabbit down the hole'. That was me, I could start drinking at 12pm or 12am and would carry on running until I passed out and I never did catch that damn rabbit. Looking back I don't think it was ever there in the first place and chasing after it was exhausting.
Good luck with the sobriety and enjoy the time free from the 'chase'
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