AMARY

When is a good time to begin dating after becoming sober? I know people tell you to wait, but how long? At times my loneliness seems to get the best of me, and all I wanna do is cuddle up with someone. Any advice in this situation?

doggonecarl

I think that it is important that you are comfortable with yourself, as a sober person, before you think about a relationship (a romantic one). I don't know about a time limit. As long as it takes, I guess.

Longer if you have a track record of getting into disfunctional relationships. Or if alcohol was a component of your social life.

As for loneliness, what about forging lasting sober friendships?

Olive1

I was actually a completely different person at two years of sobriety than I was when I had just stopped drinking. I felt it was best to wait and figure out who I was before I tried to date. The relationship with myself was the most important thing, and I needed to figure that one out.

least

It depends on how long you've been sober and how comfortable you are with being sober. Just remember to keep your sobriety as priority number one.

CharlieNoogan

As nice as it is to cuddle up with someone, keep in mind that romantic relationships by nature are loaded with emotional turmoil. Are you confident enough in your sobriety that a broken heart wouldn't lead you back to drinking? I think it is also useful to examine your past relationships and how they may have contributed to or have been a trigger of your use.

I had the same thoughts as you early on, but my recovery started when an 8 year relationship ended and I barely remembered what it was like to be single. I have 11 months now, and I still do not feel like a relationship would be a good idea. At this stage, I continue learning new things about myself every day.

I believe that many addicts/alcoholics are codependent to a large degree and we get as addicted to attention from others as we do our DOC. We need to be careful with trying to fill a perceived void with romance in an attempt to deal with the loss of alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism.

In short, only you will know when you are ready but I agree that you must first get to the point in your recovery where you love yourself again before you can effectively love another.

AMARY

Thank you for the great advice, these were things I really needed to here.