Mad at myself...engaged in codie behavior
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Mad at myself...engaged in codie behavior
So last night I had two different kids to take to two different practices. It was a big rush around night. I found out my husband had said some stupid stuff to my kids, some very "dry drunk" behavior if you will.
I was very very upset. I fully engaged in yelling and having a fit over it not only last night but this morning also. He hung up on me twice, I hung up on him this morning.
It is very frustrating. His behavior is frustrating but I cannot control that. My own behavior is what has upset me the most. It was totally out of control and makes me feel terrible. Not necessarily what I said because it was true, but how I said it. When you have that tone you are so busy thinking about what you are going to say next that neither one of you are listening to the other. It is awful.
I am making an appointment with an attorney this week because I can see that while he is making a huge effort his old self is still right in there. I am just very very tired of it all. I drew the line and said if he drinks I we will have to separate. Now I can see that is quite likely what will happen either way. I just hope going to counseling can make it more constructive for our family. I hate this.
Any prayers you can send my way today would be much appreciated.
God Bless.
I was very very upset. I fully engaged in yelling and having a fit over it not only last night but this morning also. He hung up on me twice, I hung up on him this morning.
It is very frustrating. His behavior is frustrating but I cannot control that. My own behavior is what has upset me the most. It was totally out of control and makes me feel terrible. Not necessarily what I said because it was true, but how I said it. When you have that tone you are so busy thinking about what you are going to say next that neither one of you are listening to the other. It is awful.
I am making an appointment with an attorney this week because I can see that while he is making a huge effort his old self is still right in there. I am just very very tired of it all. I drew the line and said if he drinks I we will have to separate. Now I can see that is quite likely what will happen either way. I just hope going to counseling can make it more constructive for our family. I hate this.
Any prayers you can send my way today would be much appreciated.
God Bless.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
It happens, try not to be so hard on yourself. First we see our behavior and then we can work on making changes.... and sometimes it takes a while before we get the timing down so that we can catch ourselves before it spirals out of control. And sometimes we're just human, having a bad day & don't manage our with normal awareness.... it's ok.
IMO the fact that you can step back & observe your behavior is wonderful. Sending lots of prayers & positive thoughts your way today!!
IMO the fact that you can step back & observe your behavior is wonderful. Sending lots of prayers & positive thoughts your way today!!
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Any prayers you can send my way today would be much appreciated.
For you, yours, me and mine, huh?
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Dear God,
Please let us see Your will and Your Way for us, and grant us the wisdom and courage to follow it.
Amen.
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Simple enough, huh? But that was just us. You know I did miss them in that . . . and actually meant to. But let's not leave it like that. Soooo. here goes for *them* (grudge, grudge
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Dear God,
Please heal our "A"s Heart, Soul, and Minds by Your Grace and Mercy. And ours, too.
Amen.
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mkay -- OUR work on that is pretty much current as near as I can tell.
NOW, something that works better than attorneys is US working on US.
So. Hopeful4, You doing your Step Work? I am not. (yeah).
So get to work (ME) -- but probably you and at least half the board, too, huh?
God Bless.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Two weekends ago.. I did so great, I detached, stayed on my own journey and had a pretty good weekend. I was so proud of myself.
This weekend.. started good.. then took the ever present nose dive into oblivion Saturday night. I felt so slow.. why is it so easy to slip back into old patterns. So easy to think this time things could be different. Still fantasizing that if I say it in a different way he just might understand me. Well none of it feels good, so I'm just going to pick up where I left off. I can start over any day, really any hour and make better choices with out beating myself up. Because just like my codie behavior.. beating myself up hasn't worked in the past either.
So cheers to us for recognizing our slips and practicing better choices today.
This weekend.. started good.. then took the ever present nose dive into oblivion Saturday night. I felt so slow.. why is it so easy to slip back into old patterns. So easy to think this time things could be different. Still fantasizing that if I say it in a different way he just might understand me. Well none of it feels good, so I'm just going to pick up where I left off. I can start over any day, really any hour and make better choices with out beating myself up. Because just like my codie behavior.. beating myself up hasn't worked in the past either.
So cheers to us for recognizing our slips and practicing better choices today.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
O goodness, thank you for your replies! I really needed to hear these.
Mr. Hammer, you are so correct. Back to step 1! It is almost comical to watch myself, so strong one day and give it all to God. The next day a hot mess taking it all back. A never ending cycle of mess!
I appreciate you all very very much! I know I am never alone and that means the world!
God Bless!
Mr. Hammer, you are so correct. Back to step 1! It is almost comical to watch myself, so strong one day and give it all to God. The next day a hot mess taking it all back. A never ending cycle of mess!
I appreciate you all very very much! I know I am never alone and that means the world!
God Bless!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
Progress not perfection, right?
I think it's a safe bet that every one of us has had our slips and backtracks, etc. And that's okay...we recognize the behavior, we acknowledge it is not the way we want to be, and we do better next time.
I've been in counseling a year now...wow...and there are times when I feel like my counselor is heaping tools on me (I think she does it to test me occasionally). I've learned that if I can just pick up one of those tools and add it to my toolbox that I'm making progress...and then it is there to use when I need it. Each time I use it, I understand how to use it better and find more ways to use it. So great.
YOU are doing great. Hugs, positive thoughts and prayers all coming your way!
I think it's a safe bet that every one of us has had our slips and backtracks, etc. And that's okay...we recognize the behavior, we acknowledge it is not the way we want to be, and we do better next time.
I've been in counseling a year now...wow...and there are times when I feel like my counselor is heaping tools on me (I think she does it to test me occasionally). I've learned that if I can just pick up one of those tools and add it to my toolbox that I'm making progress...and then it is there to use when I need it. Each time I use it, I understand how to use it better and find more ways to use it. So great.
YOU are doing great. Hugs, positive thoughts and prayers all coming your way!
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