How Do You Stay Positive In A Negative World?
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How Do You Stay Positive In A Negative World?
Reading all the posts here, seeing the pain, hurt, heart break makes me realize I am not alone and that there are parents, spouses and loved ones facing much more dire issues than myself. I pray every morning, every night and sometimes during the day as well for all of us. I take walks and try to do things that will lift me up. Today I am finding this difficult. Last night my son told me he relapsed and took pills 4x (who knows what he really did-guess it doesn't matter at this point) and helped his drug dealer move bikes that unbeknownst to him were stolen and had the police bring him down to the station for questioning.
We are away looking into how my parents are doing. My mother has Alzheimer's. She has lost at least 25 lbs. She is diabetic and has not been checking her sugar. My father told us he was giving her her medications. He has not. When my sister suggested getting a pill box with the 7 days and my dad putting them in for her so if they were still in the day's box he would know she had not taken them he replied "whatever." He has no intention of giving her her meds. He does the bare minimum and feels that is good enough. He turned down suggestions for home health and Meals On Wheels. He says no to everything. He doesn't want his day being intruded upon. He likes that my Mom sleeps almost all day. I feel extremely overwhelmed and hate being here but do not want to go home either. I try to be positive and do things for myself but today, I feel like I got punched in the gut and cannot smile. I feel like I did before my son asked for help. How do you stay positive when you feel like things are crashing around you? Reading positive words is not doing it today. We go home tomorrow night. I dread it. Thanks for listening. I appreciate every single one of you.
We are away looking into how my parents are doing. My mother has Alzheimer's. She has lost at least 25 lbs. She is diabetic and has not been checking her sugar. My father told us he was giving her her medications. He has not. When my sister suggested getting a pill box with the 7 days and my dad putting them in for her so if they were still in the day's box he would know she had not taken them he replied "whatever." He has no intention of giving her her meds. He does the bare minimum and feels that is good enough. He turned down suggestions for home health and Meals On Wheels. He says no to everything. He doesn't want his day being intruded upon. He likes that my Mom sleeps almost all day. I feel extremely overwhelmed and hate being here but do not want to go home either. I try to be positive and do things for myself but today, I feel like I got punched in the gut and cannot smile. I feel like I did before my son asked for help. How do you stay positive when you feel like things are crashing around you? Reading positive words is not doing it today. We go home tomorrow night. I dread it. Thanks for listening. I appreciate every single one of you.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Yeah, it undeniably gets really tough sometimes to keep a positive outlook.
I've come to look at things for myself like this. I can twist my brain like a dial, and what's in front is how I'm going to see things. By default, for reasons I don't know nor care anymore, my brain twists so that the negative is up front. In order for me to keep it in the positive I have to force feed it positive information. I completely get what you said in the end of your paragraph, that positive words aren't going to do it today... yet with me, those are the times I need to make an even more conscious effort. I think you know that intuitively also, or you wouldn't have even bothered posting this here.
On the tough days I may need to hear 50 positive things before 1 idea resonates. But getting back to my twistomatic brain, I really have to keep my brain filled with good stuff. Early on in my recovery I read Norman Vincent Peale's Positive thinking. While I didn't care much for the Jesus stuff, I just switched out Jesus with my own concept of a HP, and well... that book kicked me into a different mode. I started reading lots and lots of other similar material, and just did my best to push the darkness out by filling my brain with newer, better stuff.
As hard as it is to sometimes see, there is a positive side to every problem (or oppotunity) that arises. Trick for me is to have faith and belief that that's true
, and then to have my brain in the proper condition to allow it to be. The more good I'm feeding it, the easier that becomes.
Whatever we're currently going through will pass. The choice of how we view and deal with it is what's going to mold our future. That's what I believe anyhow.
I've come to look at things for myself like this. I can twist my brain like a dial, and what's in front is how I'm going to see things. By default, for reasons I don't know nor care anymore, my brain twists so that the negative is up front. In order for me to keep it in the positive I have to force feed it positive information. I completely get what you said in the end of your paragraph, that positive words aren't going to do it today... yet with me, those are the times I need to make an even more conscious effort. I think you know that intuitively also, or you wouldn't have even bothered posting this here.
On the tough days I may need to hear 50 positive things before 1 idea resonates. But getting back to my twistomatic brain, I really have to keep my brain filled with good stuff. Early on in my recovery I read Norman Vincent Peale's Positive thinking. While I didn't care much for the Jesus stuff, I just switched out Jesus with my own concept of a HP, and well... that book kicked me into a different mode. I started reading lots and lots of other similar material, and just did my best to push the darkness out by filling my brain with newer, better stuff.
As hard as it is to sometimes see, there is a positive side to every problem (or oppotunity) that arises. Trick for me is to have faith and belief that that's true
, and then to have my brain in the proper condition to allow it to be. The more good I'm feeding it, the easier that becomes.Whatever we're currently going through will pass. The choice of how we view and deal with it is what's going to mold our future. That's what I believe anyhow.
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Thanks Joe. Believe me when I say just knowing there is someone out there that cares enough to post back encouraging words has tears running down my cheeks. Our son just called and said the police are there again to bring him in to "tie up loose ends." We are all wondering what this means. I don't trust the police unfortunately. While my son should have known better, he is afraid of being charged for being naive and stupid. He has to pay the consequences whatever they may be but he is there and we are here and he has no idea if he needs a lawyer or not. Ultimately it is his problem yet here we are sick about it all. He has a clean record. Praying this does not change.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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I cannot change people places or things they are in Gods hands. I can change me. I can try on a daily basis to make this world a little bit better and make me a little bit better. some days it's nothing more than a smile at a stranger.
when I put my life in Gods hands things became much easier. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
when I put my life in Gods hands things became much easier. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
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Louie Schwartzberg: Nature. Beauty. Gratitude. | Video on TED.com
I hope this link works. How do I stay positive with all the negative around us? I work at it and boy.......does it take work. I am not naturally a positive person.....I'm a "the glass is half empty and I think it has a leak" kind of person. lol
When I feel down, I watch this TedTalks video. Louie Schwartzberg's video on gratitude reminds me that there is beauty all around us and many things to be grateful for. I need that reminder periodically and this video is my tool. I hope you find it useful.
gentle hugs
ke
I hope this link works. How do I stay positive with all the negative around us? I work at it and boy.......does it take work. I am not naturally a positive person.....I'm a "the glass is half empty and I think it has a leak" kind of person. lol
When I feel down, I watch this TedTalks video. Louie Schwartzberg's video on gratitude reminds me that there is beauty all around us and many things to be grateful for. I need that reminder periodically and this video is my tool. I hope you find it useful.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
I also find acknowledging gratitude reminds me there is still a lot of good in this world. I keep a gratitude journal and write 5 things per day that I am grateful for. They aren't all positive....sometimes I will acknowledge negative happenings as well. (for example: "I'm glad my passive aggressive co-worker reminded me today why I felt it so necessary to put boundaries in place with her"). I read somewhere that if we simply accept the feelings we are having, and sit with them for a moment, that our minds/bodies instinctively begin to release them within 10 minutes. Our minds know how to process and accept them, it also knows how to release them...IF WE ALLOW IT. It is when we swallow them, stuff them, deny them, ignore them, that they keep bubbling up and resurfacing. I think this is why we feel so much better after a good cry. Our body has been allowed a release. I don't know if this will help you but I've been practicing it for 206 days (to be exact!!) and I find it so much easier to focus on the positives now. The situation is what it is....if we had the remedy or the ability to change the outcome....none of us would need to be here. Its finding these little tools that work for each of us that gives us back a measure of sanity. Sending you strength today....
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I wish I had some great words of wisdom. I pray alot. I post on here and read the posts of others. It helps tremendously.
I just want you to know you are not alone and that I send you huge hugs and prayers!
Keep posting...it does help!
I just want you to know you are not alone and that I send you huge hugs and prayers!
Keep posting...it does help!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Thank you so much for the uplifting words and suggestions. Thank you Kindeyes for the link. It was beautiful. I did laugh at your "glass half empty with a leak" reference. Liz I love the idea of a gratitude journal and will start doing this once I go home tomorrow. Hopeful, thanks for the hugs and prayers. They are very much appreciated! You have no idea how your words help. I feel in a fog today, like this just cannot be happening after everything we have already been through. But here we are. I just went for a walk with my husband and will go for a swim soon so I can at least get some good exercise. That should help move those endorphins hopefully! Unless you've gone through it, you cannot imagine what it is like having a child addicted to drugs. I pray for all of us and I believe that God hears our prayers and is here for us.
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you are not alone
Originally Posted by needingabreak 
Reading all the posts here, seeing the pain, hurt, heart break makes me realize I am not alone and that there are parents, spouses and loved ones facing much more dire issues than myself. I pray every morning, every night and sometimes during the day as well for all of us. I take walks and try to do things that will lift me up. Today I am finding this difficult. Last night my son told me he relapsed and took pills 4x (who knows what he really did-guess it doesn't matter at this point) and helped his drug dealer move bikes that unbeknownst to him were stolen and had the police bring him down to the station for questioning.
We are away looking into how my parents are doing. My mother has Alzheimer's. She has lost at least 25 lbs. She is diabetic and has not been checking her sugar. My father told us he was giving her her medications. He has not. When my sister suggested getting a pill box with the 7 days and my dad putting them in for her so if they were still in the day's box he would know she had not taken them he replied "whatever." He has no intention of giving her her meds. He does the bare minimum and feels that is good enough. He turned down suggestions for home health and Meals On Wheels. He says no to everything. He doesn't want his day being intruded upon. He likes that my Mom sleeps almost all day. I feel extremely overwhelmed and hate being here but do not want to go home either. I try to be positive and do things for myself but today, I feel like I got punched in the gut and cannot smile. I feel like I did before my son asked for help. How do you stay positive when you feel like things are crashing around you? Reading positive words is not doing it today. We go home tomorrow night. I dread it. Thanks for listening. I appreciate every single one of you.
We are away looking into how my parents are doing. My mother has Alzheimer's. She has lost at least 25 lbs. She is diabetic and has not been checking her sugar. My father told us he was giving her her medications. He has not. When my sister suggested getting a pill box with the 7 days and my dad putting them in for her so if they were still in the day's box he would know she had not taken them he replied "whatever." He has no intention of giving her her meds. He does the bare minimum and feels that is good enough. He turned down suggestions for home health and Meals On Wheels. He says no to everything. He doesn't want his day being intruded upon. He likes that my Mom sleeps almost all day. I feel extremely overwhelmed and hate being here but do not want to go home either. I try to be positive and do things for myself but today, I feel like I got punched in the gut and cannot smile. I feel like I did before my son asked for help. How do you stay positive when you feel like things are crashing around you? Reading positive words is not doing it today. We go home tomorrow night. I dread it. Thanks for listening. I appreciate every single one of you.
I to have had a very challenging summer...Dad (76) fell and went into Rehab, Mom (81) had a stroke shortly after dads fall, my 21 year old Son relapsed, and I had a very emotionally traumatic break up from my ABF....All this and I still have to keep a 78% average in Nursing School!! Some days all I could do was crawl out of bed. God got me through and here I am still plugging away. I thank him everyday for strength and for you wonderful people here on SR. If it wasnt for all your words of comfort and wisdom, I would have been more of a train wreck! Stay strong, keep posting, keep reading and trust in your HP!
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Love it jacrazz. Your post emphasizes what hard issues some of us can face all at the same time. Your strength and perseverance are so inspiring. I give you many accolades for what you have gone through and yet still went to school. I took all of the nursing prerequisites and work in healthcare so I know what a hard feat that must have been for you. At least you can feel good about yourself having accomplished that. So how are your mom, dad and son doing????
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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I am an investor and I know that people hate losing money twice as much as they love making money. This keeps them frozen. Unless you take risk, there is no gain. This is reflected in the AA saying "nothing changes if nothing changes". Even if things are getting worse they are changing and one day we hit bottom and things start getting better.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
The question is predicated on the presumption that it IS a negative world.
One of my mental tricks that has worked VERY well for me is to look at the
world in alternatives. Yes, changing a tire in the rain on the way to an important
appointment is a bitch.......but 70 years ago the Waffen-SS were coming to exterminate
my entire freezing, starving White Russian family, by name. THAT'S a problem.
Early in my professional life I was faced with a situation (with one other)
where our future was measured in only a few short minutes. It was a pretty done
deal----we had done all we could and now all there was to do was wait for it.
It was only a few minutes.....but they 'kinda dragged on (if you know what I mean).
My coworker (a close, dear friend) chose to fill this time with jokes.
Funny jokes, centered interestingly enough on falling, burning, and drowning......things
it did not take an excessive stretch of the imagination to us to envision. But goddamn it
----they were funny as hell and there is nothing quite like laughter to break tension.
But it wasn't our time that day(Or maybe God likes a good joke too).
My takeaway from it was we do not choose our fates. Sometimes they choose us.
What we DO HAVE,
and what NOONE can take from us .....is how we choose to BE.
We survived that day.We felt like the luckiest SOB's (we were). But 2 1/2 years
later fate came back for my buddy---this time successfully. This time we were not together.
But even so, I know how he went out ---and I'm sure the one who went with
him had a smile on his face,too.
And yes---these are just words. But from words come ideas--
ideas that can rock your world and change your reality.
You are somewhere between a tire change and the winter of '42.
Why does the damn glass have to be half empty or half full?------for God's sake they are BOTH 50%!
Sometimes the damn thing is 10% full. Sometimes you have to lick the sides to get
a single drop.
But it's NOT empty. If it was you couldn't post. At least that's what I heard
(the wifi /servers in the hereafter must SUCK!).
Here on SR, people spontaneously erupt out
of the ether who care & understand & wish you well.
In what way is THAT a negative world?
One of my mental tricks that has worked VERY well for me is to look at the
world in alternatives. Yes, changing a tire in the rain on the way to an important
appointment is a bitch.......but 70 years ago the Waffen-SS were coming to exterminate
my entire freezing, starving White Russian family, by name. THAT'S a problem.
Early in my professional life I was faced with a situation (with one other)
where our future was measured in only a few short minutes. It was a pretty done
deal----we had done all we could and now all there was to do was wait for it.
It was only a few minutes.....but they 'kinda dragged on (if you know what I mean).
My coworker (a close, dear friend) chose to fill this time with jokes.
Funny jokes, centered interestingly enough on falling, burning, and drowning......things
it did not take an excessive stretch of the imagination to us to envision. But goddamn it
----they were funny as hell and there is nothing quite like laughter to break tension.
But it wasn't our time that day(Or maybe God likes a good joke too).
My takeaway from it was we do not choose our fates. Sometimes they choose us.
What we DO HAVE,
and what NOONE can take from us .....is how we choose to BE.
We survived that day.We felt like the luckiest SOB's (we were). But 2 1/2 years
later fate came back for my buddy---this time successfully. This time we were not together.
But even so, I know how he went out ---and I'm sure the one who went with
him had a smile on his face,too.
And yes---these are just words. But from words come ideas--
ideas that can rock your world and change your reality.
You are somewhere between a tire change and the winter of '42.
Why does the damn glass have to be half empty or half full?------for God's sake they are BOTH 50%!
Sometimes the damn thing is 10% full. Sometimes you have to lick the sides to get
a single drop.
But it's NOT empty. If it was you couldn't post. At least that's what I heard
(the wifi /servers in the hereafter must SUCK!).
Here on SR, people spontaneously erupt out
of the ether who care & understand & wish you well.
In what way is THAT a negative world?
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Thanks Pravchaw (as always) and Vale. Pravchaw, I pray he has hit his bottom. I cannot imagine getting mixed up even worse than he has now (although i know it is possible. Despite the fact that he did not know the bikes were stolen, he should not have been speaking to his dealer in the first place. When do they learn this only brings about problems??? He is almost 30, acts 16 and always says he doesn't know why he does these things. He had his therapy session this afternoon. Hopefully that helped. I am a bit angry today so keeping my distance.
Vale I laughed at the licking the glass analogy. Between the leaking half full and licking the glass, it helped make my day brighter. Yes laughter truly is the best medicine. Obviously my troubles do not even compare to those of one facing death, a horrible disease, etc. I am thankful for that. I wake up each morning (no matter what) and thank God for the many things He has given me and blessed me with (not material things, but grandchildren, a beautiful sunny day, etc). The people here are so caring and compassionate and I do not think you can find a more supportive group. In general, I tend to feel the world is going to hell in a hand basket. That does not mean there is still not a lot of good in the world. Turn on your TV and after 5 minutes you will be depressed hearing all the negativity (it is why I lessen my news watching at times). Today has just been one of those tough days for me..........and we all have them. I think accepting that it is and going with it helps bring you out of it eventually. This too shall pass. I realize I cannot control what my father or mother do nor my son and I cannot control the outcome of his very bad decision. The police said the "can" charge him with a felony for receiving stolen goods and are going to bring the actual thief in (if they can catch him) and see what he has to say. I am sure he will fess up the minute he sees them-NOT. I tend to be extremely wary of the police. Anyway, thank you all for making my day much brighter.
Vale I laughed at the licking the glass analogy. Between the leaking half full and licking the glass, it helped make my day brighter. Yes laughter truly is the best medicine. Obviously my troubles do not even compare to those of one facing death, a horrible disease, etc. I am thankful for that. I wake up each morning (no matter what) and thank God for the many things He has given me and blessed me with (not material things, but grandchildren, a beautiful sunny day, etc). The people here are so caring and compassionate and I do not think you can find a more supportive group. In general, I tend to feel the world is going to hell in a hand basket. That does not mean there is still not a lot of good in the world. Turn on your TV and after 5 minutes you will be depressed hearing all the negativity (it is why I lessen my news watching at times). Today has just been one of those tough days for me..........and we all have them. I think accepting that it is and going with it helps bring you out of it eventually. This too shall pass. I realize I cannot control what my father or mother do nor my son and I cannot control the outcome of his very bad decision. The police said the "can" charge him with a felony for receiving stolen goods and are going to bring the actual thief in (if they can catch him) and see what he has to say. I am sure he will fess up the minute he sees them-NOT. I tend to be extremely wary of the police. Anyway, thank you all for making my day much brighter.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Yes, we DO all have those tough days.
Bad news makes bank----the 'warm happy puppy' network would
go broke in 1 day. TV is a business, and fear sells.
Bad news is like one of those prehistoric puny lizards who
has adapted to be able to display a HUGE 'umbrella' of skin
in order to APPEAR huge. If it DOESN'T utilize this trick to
appear huge....it ends up in a bigger lizard's belly. I've been
proximate to HUGE news stories......whilst simultaneously
watching the event on some "O.M.G." network.
(Yawn!)
If world can avoid a general thermonuclear exchange
(between belligerents who have more than just a few to
toss).....the 'world' is gonna be just fine.
You know what I am thankful for? People who can wake
up and be thankful for a beautiful sunny day.
Bad news makes bank----the 'warm happy puppy' network would
go broke in 1 day. TV is a business, and fear sells.
Bad news is like one of those prehistoric puny lizards who
has adapted to be able to display a HUGE 'umbrella' of skin
in order to APPEAR huge. If it DOESN'T utilize this trick to
appear huge....it ends up in a bigger lizard's belly. I've been
proximate to HUGE news stories......whilst simultaneously
watching the event on some "O.M.G." network.
(Yawn!)
If world can avoid a general thermonuclear exchange
(between belligerents who have more than just a few to
toss).....the 'world' is gonna be just fine.
You know what I am thankful for? People who can wake
up and be thankful for a beautiful sunny day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
@ Vale - thank you. A wonderful friend just gave me this really cool, funky, industrial type necklace with a hangtag that says "be" on it. I love it but was having a hard time thinking "be"??? what?? Your post helped me correlate it with just "be" whatever I choose. Be it happy, sad, hopeful, positive, negative...whatever. I get to choose and I get to "be" it. It's up to me. Thanks!
And I never watch the news. I don't watch much TV to be honest. If I do it's ancient history or something. Everything else just seems to bore me at the moment. The news makes me want to poke my eyeballs out. ;0
And I never watch the news. I don't watch much TV to be honest. If I do it's ancient history or something. Everything else just seems to bore me at the moment. The news makes me want to poke my eyeballs out. ;0
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Vale - You reminded me of a blog post I wrote some time back based on somethng I had read. Great thread btw.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-algebra.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-algebra.html
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
....as far as your son goes, talk to a professional barrister first---
but intent is one hell of a hard thing to prove. It is MUCH, MUCH
easier to put pressure on your son to 'admit' to it. It is SO
effective that sometimes innocent people cop to it just to end
it.
One of these alternatives is very easy---the other is
excruciatingly difficult.
Pushed to that choice, which might you think people choose more?
but intent is one hell of a hard thing to prove. It is MUCH, MUCH
easier to put pressure on your son to 'admit' to it. It is SO
effective that sometimes innocent people cop to it just to end
it.
One of these alternatives is very easy---the other is
excruciatingly difficult.
Pushed to that choice, which might you think people choose more?
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Thread Starter
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Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Thanks for all the responses. All of them thought provoking. I like your blog pravchaw. Vale, my husband wrote the scenario out for our business lawyer to see what he advises. My son admitted transferring the bikes from the kid's house because he had no idea they were stolen. The police found parts of a bike or a bike itself already at this kid's house. They never asked to search anything at our home and my son showed then where they were transported to. These bikes are motorized and specially made by a man in town who has a shop. I know him but my son does not. Because this kid has worked on bikes before my son thought nothing of it. We think the police believe my son but because he moved the bikes they say they can charge him with a felony. They used my son to get as much as they could out of him of course so they can arrest the other guy. My son gave his statement and now we wait and see if they catch this guy and what he says. My son will have to pay whatever consequences come. We are praying this scares him enough to smarten up. Life. You never know what each day brings, but yeah, I love waking up to a beautiful sunny day. I am in Florida, in warm weather till tomorrow. I am thankful for this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
>>>>>>but yeah, I love waking up to a beautiful sunny day<<<<<<<<
See what I mean! Not only THAT, but you are about to break 100 posts!
No, you never know what life brings. Sometimes just a plate of sh**
sandwiches........"when life gives you lemons, just choose to make
lemonade?!?!........."
(screw that! A lemon is an effective projectile
----if your aim is good---bean your tormentors in the head---
you practiced with the half full/empty GLASS, didn't you?)
(there's no rule that says we have to take a bite out of the
aforementioned sandwich------SO THROW THAT TOO!!!!)
Few maintain a will to continue after being beaned with a
glass, a lemon, and a sh** sandwich.....
See what I mean! Not only THAT, but you are about to break 100 posts!
No, you never know what life brings. Sometimes just a plate of sh**
sandwiches........"when life gives you lemons, just choose to make
lemonade?!?!........."
(screw that! A lemon is an effective projectile
----if your aim is good---bean your tormentors in the head---
you practiced with the half full/empty GLASS, didn't you?)
(there's no rule that says we have to take a bite out of the
aforementioned sandwich------SO THROW THAT TOO!!!!)
Few maintain a will to continue after being beaned with a
glass, a lemon, and a sh** sandwich.....
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